"Stepping From Powerless to Powerful" Mini E-course
"Stepping From Powerless to Powerful" Mini E-course
I'd been on a quest for the longest time….a quest for a life void of fear, smallness, struggle, and feelings of "not good enough"(a.k.a shit). A quest that was driven by perception and fueled by comparison. In essence, I'd been on a quest for a happy life.
So I read the books. Listened to the TED talks. Attended webinars. I sought out various gurus who I perceived had the answers or the keys to true happiness.
I believed in those gurus who, with their stories, made me feel that what I was seeking was absolutely possible. To the outside world they seemed to have found that road to a happy life; one void of fear, smallness, struggle, and feelings of "not good enough" (or shit).
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that those gurus were tricksters or even inauthentic. I've learned a lot from them, but what I've come to realize is this…
We all experience struggles, fear, insecurity, and playing small. And that does not mean that we can't experience happiness or that we aren't deserving of it.
It's the pressure we place on ourselves to find the road that leads to no more fear, no more struggles, etc. that impacts our happiness.
Here are a few other things I've come to realize as a result of my quest…
While happiness is a wonderful thing, it ebbs and flows because bad days happen. It's not the fact that we can’t maintain the happiness consistently that's the issue. It's falling prey to the lie that if we can't, we must be doing something wrong.
Happiness is a personal thing and how we find/create it is as individual and unique as a thumb print…so there is no "doing it wrong".
We are never going to be void of fear. Anyone who tells us they are is either lying to themselves or a freak of nature. Fear is a part of our DNA. It serves a purpose.
Here's the truth about fear as I've come to know it… (if what I'm about to share doesn't jive with you, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT try and make it jive. )
Fear can be used to signal importance. For example, any time I launch a new program fear rears its head. Fear that people won't like it or benefit from it. Fear that it's not good enough. It's that kind of fear that lets me know that my work is important to me. Now I look forward to having that fear, because if something's not important to me I know it won't work.
And fear shrinks in size and magnitude when we take a good look at it. While it's something we will never be void of, we can learn from it, leverage it, and we can manage it.
We can feel confident in some circumstances and feel small in others. For me, when I'm uncomfortable that is when I shrink like a wilting violet. I stop being myself and become a rambling fool. It's during those times that I remind myself to take a deep breath and bring my authentic side out regardless of how uncomfortable I might be.
The bottom line; just because we may shrink in some situations that does not mean we are not confident! Like happiness, confidence ebbs and flows.
And the Big Kahuna, Mack Daddy realization of them all….
The road to happiness is truly paved in shit, because shit happens. It's that shit that creates learning, character, strength, humility, heart, connection, and beauty. It's that shit that reminds of us of the good that's always present… because without shit we've got nothing to compare the good stuff to.
CALL TO ACTION
I invite you to define happiness for yourself so that you know what it looks like and what it feels like. A definition that fits you; one that is yours and only yours. That way you can always identify it and come back to it after fear, smallness, or struggle has left the building.
Please try and remember what Abraham Lincoln once said, “Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” Which to me means, we're in control of our own happiness and when we experience it. Not fear, feelings of "not good enough", or struggle…while they may distract us momentarily and try to shit all over our happiness, they're not in control of it.
Until next time, my friends I'm sending you much love and light from my open heart to yours.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone that woke you up?
A conversation that changed the way you thought about something so much so that your entire perception changed?
Just recently I had that type of conversation.
A colleague of mine and I were talking about quantum physics, energy, and other things related. These are topics I've explored over the years in various forms and fashion so it wasn't the actual topic that woke me up. What woke me up was his own passion and conviction, which was infused into the information he was sharing with me.
And in hindsight, it was what I needed to hear and at a time when I needed to hear it.
While I consider myself to be a pretty self-aware person, what I realize is that I've fallen asleep in my own little world of small and safe. It's time to wake up and as a result here's what floated to the top of my sleepy consciousness the day after my conversation.
(An excerpt taken from my journal.)
We truly do shape our reality with our perceptions and the stories we have been telling ourselves for far too long.
I have always known that everything is energy and that like energy attracts like energy; yesterday’s conversation helped me to really “get it” on a deeper level. It wasn’t that I had not heard similar before, but the way in which it was shared, it just clicked. We have been our own oppressors. We have always been the ones in control of whether we move forward in life or stay safe in the bosom of complacency.
It is true what my colleague said about the brain. The brain does not decide things... we do. We need to be guided more by our internal GPS systems and less by the “nattering” in our brains and the external factors that know little to nothing about what is best for our highest good and ultimately the highest good of all.
We’ve gotten bogged down in the minutiae of keeping up with appearances. The controlling mechanism that is feeding the monster that we’ve created. We have done so at the cost of our own consciousness and well-being.
We haven’t ever really needed to chase our dreams. They’ve always been available to us and in accordance with Divine timing. Our jobs have always been to stay open and consciously awake in order to see the pieces of our dreams as they present themselves so we can put those pieces together.
Working hard and struggling to survive are just the side effects that have been born from that need to be in constant control. For that control equates to safety within the constructs of working hard and struggling. “You won’t be safe if you don’t control your outcome and if you don’t work hard to survive.”
I call BULLSHIT!!!!
Our job is, as it has always been, to stay open-hearted, connected to Source, and awake. To strip ourselves of the need to control and be controlled. Period.
That conversation, in conjunction with that journal entry lit a fire in my belly. A fire to wake up, to be conscious and aware of how my thoughts impact my own reality and what I manifest. BUT it did something else, it made me realize how many of us are being held hostage by our own thoughts to the point of surviving. And honestly, that's not OK…we were not put on this planet to just survive.
We were put on this planet to thrive and to love what we do, who we are, the life we create…and all by changing our own perceptions, re-writing our own stories.
So with that said, I'd like to share some powerful quotes with you about thoughts, perceptions and energy. It is my hope dear friends that you not only find inspiration, but that they help to create awareness around your own thoughts and the impact they have on your reality….and whether you decide to wake up or stay asleep.
Feel free to take any of them with you by right clicking on them and hitting "Save". Oh, and sharing is always permitted and encouraged.
Until next time, I wish you all amazing awakened moments and I send you all sorts of love and light from my open-heart to yours.
10 POWERFUL QUOTES TO WAKE US ALL UP
"Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, and to humble."
I’m going to ask you to do something for me. Something that may seem a little unorthodox, but I promise, there’s a method to my madness.
Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and say either out loud or to yourself, “Wow you look really good today!”
Check in with how you feel, as well as your reflection and make a mental note of what you see and feel.
Now take a deep breath.
Then count to three and say either out loud or to yourself, “Wow you look like shit today!” Check in with how you feel and what you see and again, make a mental note of what you see and feel.
What did you notice?
Did your energy rise or drop?
Did you stand up straighter or did you shrink?
Did you get emotional?
Did your itty-bitty shitty committee (your internal naysayer) come out in full force?
I remember years ago doing a very similar exercise except I was encouraged to stare deeply into my own eyes and repeat, “I love you, Pam. I really, really love you!”
The first time I did it, I cried like a baby.
I’d become so used to saying all sorts of crappy things to myself (about myself) that saying something nice was a shock to my system. Suffice it to say, it wasn’t an easy exercise to do every day, twice a day, for 21 days.
I’ll be honest, I don’t even recall if I lasted the full 21 days. I’ll say this however, that little exercise helped me to fully understand just how powerful words are.
THE WHY BEHIND THE POWER OF WORDS
Think about a time when someone shared a really nice, heart-felt compliment.
Now, while you may have been uncomfortable taking the compliment, there’s a pretty good chance that, that person became a bit more endearing. They may have created more of a connection by sharing a few positives. Hey, you might even have wanted to hang out with them more.
The same is true in reverse. If someone said something nasty to you, there’s a good chance that you didn’t rush over and hug them or invite them to have coffee with you.
Why is that?
Words that have an emotional impact or charge create feelings. It’s those feelings that give the words power. The power to…
HOW TO MAKE BEST FRIENDS WITH YOUR WORDS
“Words are like eggs dropped from great heights; you can no more call them back than ignore the mess they leave when they fall.”
- Jodi Picoult
Whether you’re trying to change the depth of a relationship with someone else or yourself, using any of the following tested tips will help you to make best friends with your words.
Be present with them. Sometimes we’re not even aware of what we’re saying to ourselves or to others. Our words may have become a habit, especially when it comes to negative self-talk.
In order break the habit, it’s helpful to be present and pay closer attention to what you’re saying. Check out the Call To Action below for an exercise that will help you become more present with your words.
Use them as a gauge for change. If you don’t like how some words are making you feel, (whether they’re coming from you or someone else), you always have the power to change that. Try asking yourself, “What needs to change?” and then, “What am I willing to do to make a change?” BUT, like with anything, you have to be willing to make that change or this tip won't work.
Shift the focus by taking a look around and noticing something good. The brain can’t think positively and negatively at the same time so shifting focus also shifts the energy, which shifts your words.
“Check yourself before your wreck yourself.” When someone says something snarky, it’s natural to want to strike back with your own snarky comment.
Just like an egg falling from a great height, snarky-ness met with snarky-ness creates a big, huge mess. So when someone says something that pushes your buttons, you can always hit the pause button by taking a deep breath or walking away and cooling off before responding. (Check out this blog post for some more tips on how to walk away with ease.)
“Speak your truth.” Remembering that you’re only responsible for how you deliver the message. Not how it’s received.
Catch and release. This is particularly helpful when you’re upset about a situation or something someone said. As a matter of fact, I’ve got a journal that is dedicated to all my “catch and releases”. I call it my Shit Journal. This is where I literally “dump” everything that is in my head, (all the negative thoughts, comments, snaky-ness, etc.) on to the pages of the journal until I release the negativity. I never go back and read what I’ve written and when the journal is full, I throw it away. Allowing the words to come out on paper helps to get them out in a constructive, rather than destructive, messy way.
CALL TO ACTION
This is a two-part call to action…
For one week, become hyper vigilant around your words, the ones you say to yourself and to others. And in doing so, keep track (using tick marks) of the positive words vs. the negative words you use in a day. I’ve created a tracking sheet that you can download here.
After you’ve created more awareness regarding the times you’ve used positive vs. negatives words, look back over the negative words you captured…
Is there a theme or commonality that you notice? (i.e. comments with “not-enough” as the backdrop)
What do you need in order to reduce or eliminate the negative words? (i.e. to begin working on my value, seeing it and feeling it.)
What do you choose to do? (i.e. I choose to cut out all gossip because it undermines my value.)
I’d love to hear what you noticed and any changes that you’re making! Just know I’m here and I’m listening!
Because at the end of the day, you’re far too valuable a person to have any negative words diminish you in any way.
Until next time I send you much love and light from my open-heart to yours…
(And How To Make It Work For You)
Have you ever had a friend share some good logic with you? Logic that sounded great in theory, but when it came to implementing it, it fell flat?!
Say for example your friend is using an affirmation for increasing their income. It’s a really cool affirmation and you understand the logic behind using it….BUT…
You don’t believe it’s going to support you in increasing your own bank balance even though it seems to be working for your friend.
And try as you might to make the logic stick and work, it just doesn’t. Not only are you left feeling frustrated, but you begin to wonder what the heck is wrong with you that you can’t make the logic work when it’s working for your friend.
There’s nothing wrong with you. Not in the least. The problem is not with you; it’s with the logic.
Logic is amazing but we need to feel connected to it and believe in it to integrate it. It’s the connection that helps us get it in the feelers (a.k.a the feeling level) where it motivates us to use it and make it work.
HOW TO MAKE LOGIC WORK
Now that we know why logic doesn’t always work, let’s get down to the business of how to make it work for us.
Let’s take that example of the affirmation. We understand that affirmations are a tool used to create a positive mindset. And how that positive mindset creates positive energy, which helps to manifest positive things. Yep, we get the reason (logic) behind affirmations, which is awesome! We just can't connect to the affirmation because we don't feel it.
It’s not the reason (the logic) that is the issue, it’s the method used to execute the logic (the affirmation).
So as to not throw the baby (the logic) out with the bathwater (the method) here are some things to use to make logic work.
“What do I believe?” Asking this simple, but powerful question helps to create logic that is not only workable, but believable (feel-able).
Example: What do I believe?
I believe that a positive mindset is going to help me. And in order to create a positive mindset I need to use visuals that represent what I want and that make me feel good.
Look for evidence. Try different things on for size using the logic as the foundation and look for the evidence that creates believability and feel-ability. OR look for evidence from the past that supports the current logic.
Example: In the past when I have wanted to increase my bank balance, I got really clear on why I wanted to increase my bank balance and the benefits of doing so. I then stopped trying to figure out “how” I was going to increase my bank balance, because trying to figure out the “how” made me frustrated. Instead I focused on the benefits because the benefits felt good. I used the benefits as my focus. And any time a good opportunity presented itself, I went for it.
The more evidence we have the more we believe. And when we believe, we get it in the feelers.
Remove the comparison and the force. It’s important to remember when it comes to integrating logic that no two people are alike.
Comparing our ability to a friend’s ability to integrate the logic only detracts from finding a way that works for us.
It’s their way. They believe in it and it works for them. That does not mean it has to work for us. This is where not forcing it comes into play. Forcing someone else’s logic (or how it's use) to become our own is like forcing our foot into a shoe two sizes too small. Feel like trying to walk in that shoe?
In wrapping up here’s a little handy graphic to remind us of how to make good logic work…
Until next time, I’m sending you much love and light from my open heart to yours…
Some THINGS to help you manage worry so you don’t get stuck in a worry rut
You know what surprises me?
The numerous articles written on how to completely get rid of worry.
Please don’t get me wrong…I appreciate those articles and the suggestions offered, but I’ve never been able to rid myself of worry regardless of what I’ve tried. What happens; instead of just worrying, I then begin wondering what’s wrong with me that the authors of the articles can be free of worry for good, but I can’t?
Maybe I missed out on the worry-be-gone gene? Who knows? What I do know is that worry has been my walking partner for as long as I can remember.
I’ve worried about...
…people not liking me
… what others think
…getting some sort of illness
…money, the making it and the saving it
…losing what’s important to me and
…I’ve even worried about other people’s problems.
While I’ve gotten better about not worrying so much (and about so many things), there’s always room for improvement. And so my desire for improvement has led me on expedition in search of ways to better deal with worry when it decides to come along for a walk.
The first thing I’ve learned during my expedition is that I will never be able to completely rid myself of worry. Worry is always going to be walking with me in some form or fashion and that’s OK. And here’s why…
Worry is similar to fear. While we can manage it and even deal with it, it serves a purpose.
At this point you may be asking, ”What purpose would worry ever serve?”
Purpose #1: Worry keeps us safe from things that will harm us.
Like the times I worry that I might burn myself when taking something from the oven. Thanks to worry I’m extra careful to pay extra close attention to where my arm is in relation to the sides of the oven.
Purpose # 2: And like fear, it also serves as an indicator of when something is important to us. Like when we worry about our businesses thriving or that our loved ones are safe and sound.
Worry only becomes a real problem when it takes up so much mental real estate that we get stuck and aren’t able to continue walking forward because of it.
Here’s an example of what I mean.
When I realized that I had intuitive skills, rather than use them to help others I worried. I worried that people would think I was weird. I worried that clients wouldn’t want to work with me any more. I worried, but not for a day or two. I worried for three years. YES…three frickin’ long years. That’s how long it took me to take steps to sharing my intuitive skills with the public.
And guess what?
All that worry was for nothing!
I didn’t lose clients but instead I gained clients because of my intuitive skills.
Had I used worry as an indicator that my intuitive skills were important to me (and they are!) I know I wouldn’t have allowed worry to stop me in my tracks for a single second, much less THREE YEARS.
NOW WORRY CAN STAY 20 STEPS BEHIND
I’m so over worry stopping me in my tracks and tripping me up. Here’s the deal…it can still come along for the walk but it doesn’t get to walk in front of me or beside me. It gets to stay 20 steps behind so I can’t hear it breathing.
And to keep it 20 steps behind I’m going to be using THINGS that I found during my expedition in addition to the things I already use. (See below under THE TRIED AND THE TRUE).
In an article by Matthew May he offered some steps for dealing with our inner critics. I’ve adopted two of those steps that work well when dealing with worry and I’m sticking them in my arsenal of things to use.
Step 1: Realize that I’m worrying and in a state of stuck because of the worry.
Step 2: Brainstorm the reasons why what I’m worrying about won’t happen.
Just for grins to see how this works, let’s pretend I’m still worried that my intuitive skills will turn people off.
Step 1: OK, I realize that I’m worried that people may not want to work with me if I add intuitive readings to the services I already provide. And because I’m worried, right now I’m not willing to chance it. (HELLO STUCK IN THE WORRY RUT!)
Step 2: Why what I’m worried about won’t happen (and ultimately didn’t)…
Intuitive readings provide my clients with additional insight to the issues they are facing so they can find ways to move through those issues.
Intuitive readings are an alternative resource to use for taking dreams from paper to reality.
They are a means to find out which decisions can be made for the best results.
They offer guidance around the best course of action when it comes to work, relationships, bringing in income, etc.
Who wouldn’t want some “secret sauce” when it comes to life and business?
WOW…wish I’d had this little exercise in my arsenal a few years ago!
THING #2 and #3
Both these THINGS come from an article called, 10 Tips to Manage Your Worry by Dr. Graham C.L. Davey
Problem-solve, don’t worry: So instead of worrying I’m going to ask myself the following question, “What are my options for keeping this worry from becoming a reality?” If I have trouble coming up with some options, I’ll enlist the help of someone I trust and do some brainstorming.
Change “What if…?” worries to “How can I…?” worries
I know that “What ifs” don’t usually happen and I know this at a logical level, but I need to know it in my “feelers”…at the heart level. This little exercise is going to be super helpful because it’s empowering. And any time we feel empowered, we’re getting it in the “feelers”.
So say the next time I launch a new service or e-course and I’m “What ifing” myself into stall mode (What if people won’t sign up? etc. ), I’m going to ask myself questions like…
How can I offer this program in a way that’s useful and compelling?
How can I share my services with the world? Etc.
Woooooohoooo…I’ll now have some options and choices. Options and choices are great ways to take my personal power back from worry and get me moving!
THE TRIED AND THE TRUE
Even though I’ve added some new THINGS to my arsenal, I’m not going to forget about these little gems.
Focused deep breathing. When I focus on inhaling and exhaling a few times, not only does it shift my focus, but it helps me to get centered and grounded. When I’m centered and grounded, I’m no longer worried.
Present moment. Worry is great at getting us to move from the present moment into some place in the future.
What I like to use to pull myself into the present moment is a little gratitude. I like to look around and find 5 things that I’m grateful for in that present moment. Not only does this pull me into the present moment, but it also shifts my energy. As we all know worry can cause some heavy-ass energy and gratitude is a great way to lighten the load.
My friends, if you have some THINGS that help you to manage worry, please feel free to share them. And if you’ve ever felt that there must be something wrong with you because you worry, I hope this post has been helpful. Just remember, you’re not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you!
As always, I’m here and I’m listening!
Until next time, I send you all much love and light from my open-heart to yours…
Three Easy Ways To Get Someone Out Of Your Personal Space
Imagine you’re having a great day until all of the sudden you’re sideswiped by energy that causes you to prickle and tense up. Enter, stage left the one person who can raise your hackles just by their presence alone.
Are you thinking of that someone now? I am and I can feel my body start to tense and my energy start to prickle.
We’ve probably all had (or currently have) someone in our lives who bugs the living shit out of us. Someone that can push our buttons and our patience until we’re ready to scream, “Get out of my face!” (a.k.a. “Bye Felicia”).
The reality …
There are always going to be people whose energy just rubs us the wrong way. The thing is, we don’t have to get stuck in that state of prickly and tense every time they come into our personal space.
What if we had some ways to remove that person from our personal space and in a way that doesn’t piss them off or hurt their feelings?
If it sounds too good to be true, it’s not.
THREE EASY WAYS
Here are three really easy ways to remove someone from our own personal space…or to remove us from theirs without conflict and confrontation.
Take the higher road. When someone pushes our buttons it’s all too tempting to react. It makes sense. It’s hard not to react when a button has been pushed, but here’s something helpful to remember… reacting only perpetuates the button pushing.
So when we feel our buttons being trounced on, that’s a great time to engage some deep breathing so that we can remain calm and cool as a response.
For example, your friend loves to play “the one up game”, where everything you do, she’s done and then some. While it’s probably tempting to give her a “what for” or continue to try topping her (which is perfectly natural) you take a few deep breaths, acknowledge her achievement and then switch the subject.
“Hey, that’s cool. By the way, did you see last night’s episode of “The Sinner”? OMG, what stomach twister.”
When I’ve done this in the past, it’s not only stopped the button pushing, but it’s given me a chance to regain my composure. It’s a real sanity saver.
The bathroom is calling. It may sound strange, but it works every time. Excusing ourselves to the bathroom (whether we have to go or not) is a great way to get some space, as well as removing that person from our personal space when they’re pushing our buttons. We get to keep our cool and without confrontation.
It’s also a great way to end a conversation that is either going in circles or is just plain negative.
Less is more. Less time, more space. Yep, we can limit the time we have to talk with that person by letting them know that we only have a certain amount of time to chat. For example, “I’ve got be going in about 5 minutes.”
The less time we spend, the less chance we have for our buttons to be pushed and our hackles to be raised.
So the next time someone pushes us to the point of wanting to scream “Get out of my face!” rather than feed into that energy let’s activate our own personal power and engage one of the three ways (if not all of them).
At the end of day it’s all about avoiding being stuck in the rut of tense and prickly and doing so in a way that is not only creative, but also constructive.
Until next time, I send you all love and light from my open heart to yours…
Ways to create more presence
Aside from a TV series, what is walking dead?
Being one of the walking dead is the equivalent to being “zombified” without the flesh rot and stench. When we are walking dead we are emotionally tuned out and mentally unplugged. Walking through each day on autopilot…just going through the motions.
I think we all become a part of the walking dead at various points in our life. It’s when we remain walking dead, that’s when we have an issue.
And here’s why.
When we are unplugged and tuned out…
It’s hard to take action on opportunities that are present because we often don’t see those opportunities. This leaves us susceptible to wondering why things are happening for others and not for us.
We carry shit around with us. Because we’ve disconnected from those critical feelings that let’s us know there’s shit to deal with. The more shit we carry the heavier it becomes…the heavier we become (physically and energetically).
We become disconnected from those around us.
We are perpetually stuck.
In essence, life is living us instead of the other way around. If you’re NOT cool with that, then please read on.
COMING BACK TO LIFE
There’s good news here…any time we tune out and unplug we can always tune back in and plug back in. Here are a few ways that help…
1. Steer clear of the negatives. Negative conversations. Negative news. Negative people. Negatives are an energy drain and when our energy is drained it is easier to tune out and unplug.
2. Go on a social media cleanse. If we find that our news feeds are filled with posts that weigh us down or make us want to hide under the covers, try unplugging from social media for a few days. And if we need an update from friends or that connection, rather than using social media, we can get creative. Coffee dates, phone calls, and even emails are a much more engaging way to create that connection without all the negative noise that can come with social media.
3. Infuse some fun. All work and no play doesn’t just make Jack/Jill dull, it makes them zombies. And honestly, who could blame them? I used to sit in the middle of my kitchen floor (as an adult) and play jacks. Now I love to play cards or Words With Friends. Anything that’s fun and that we enjoy doing will help us to get plugged back in to the Land of the Living.
4. Put our oxygen mask on first. That’s code for self-care! Even if we only have 10 minutes a day to work in some self-care activities, (i.e. sitting quietly, a power nap, etc.) let’s take it! Ten minutes of self-care recharges our energy and helps us to focus.
5. Hydrate. Dehydration can cause tiredness and fatigue. When we’re tired and fatigued we become more susceptible to unplugging and tuning out. So have some water. Not only will it do our bodies some good, but our minds as well.
6. Get grounded. And I’m not referring to the “going to bed without dinner” type of grounded. I mean literally to get grounded by taking off our shoes and standing in the grass or the dirt. There’s something about connecting with nature that helps us to tune back in. If standing barefoot in nature just isn’t your thing, you can try this little grounding exercise that I learned from Donna Eden. Grab a stainless steel spoon and rub the bottoms of your feet with the back of that spoon. It may sound weird, but it really works.
7. Journal. Journaling is a great way to regain consciousness after we have entered zombie mode. I actually start most of my days with some time in my journal. Even when I feel like there’s nothing to write, something always comes up. And what’s cool, I often leave my journaling sessions not only feeling more tuned-in to my world, but having gained some new awareness.
(Interested in journaling, but need some inspiration? Click here for some journal prompts that'll get the writing juices flowing.)
8. Check In. Pick a day and then set a timer to go off every hour or two and check in by asking these questions...
How tuned-in am I?
Am I present or am I some place in the future or the past?
Creating awareness around where we are mentally and emotionally/energetically gives us the choice to staying unplugged or plugging back in.
Whatever you choose, my friends it is my hope that you enjoy lots of present moment bliss so you avoid becoming one of the walking dead. Until next time, I’m sending you lots of love and light from my open heart to yours.
I’ve learned that the best way to create connection is to be transparent and vulnerable. I didn’t always think that. Vulnerability used to scare the living shit out of me. Share my soft underbelly with others, are you kidding?!
Traversing down memory lane I think back to my first blog in 2005. Transparency was nowhere to be found. And vulnerability was hiding under the covers. What took their place in the blogosphere was fluff. Polly-Anna positive, sugarcoated fluff.
I don’t like fluff, so what made me think others would?!
I want to know what lies at the heart of someone, the fires they have walked through that make up who they are. I don’t connect with perfect. I connect with the real!
So in honor of keeping it real I thought it would be fun to answer some questions. (Thank you SocialTalent for some of these.) And I’d like to invite you to be transparent and vulnerable with me. The more the merrier.
What would your autobiography be called?
The Musings Of A “Woo-Woo”
I Don’t Need To Be Fixed Because I’m Not Broken
How would you describe to a child what you do for a living?
You know when your favorite toy goes missing and you feel really sad? That’s what happens to adults when we lose what’s important to us. I help those adults find the things that are most important to them so they no longer feel sad.
What is a pet peeve of yours?
When people don’t say “Thank you!” and not just to me, but to others. It drives me frickin’ nuts! It’s my version of nails down a chalkboard. Uh-oh…I feel a vent coming on…
It truly pisses me off when people don’t extend the common courtesy of a “thank you”. It doesn’t take much energy and it’s a nice way to show a little gratitude. I think expressing gratitude is a cool thing. It feels good to share it and to receive it. At the end of the day, the person that did that nice thing didn’t have to... they made a choice to do so, so why not acknowledge it with a “thank you”?!
What’s one of your most embarrassing moments?
It’s a toss up between my hot chocolate experience my freshman year of college and my little clothing malfunction during a visit to the UK. Since I can’t decide, I’ll share both.
I was having dinner with some new friends in the cafeteria across from my dorm. We were chatting away, getting to know one another, and at the very moment I took a sip of my hot chocolate one of the guys at our table said something really funny. No chance for me to swallow that hot chocolate before it came spewing out of my mouth, covering the table.
No sooner did I get it cleaned up when the same guy said something funny at the same time I was taking another sip. Once again, a spray of hot chocolate went from my mouth across the table.
As if it wasn’t bad enough that it happened once, and then twice, but it happened three times! Talk about first impressions!
Now for my second embarrassing moment…
During a trip to the UK, as we were coming out of a pub in South Wimbledon I noticed people staring. Did I have something on my face? Was there spinach between my teeth?
Oh, if only!! What they were staring at was the back of my skirt that had managed to get stuck in the back of my sweater…exposing my tights and underwear to all the patrons of the pub and the passers-by.
I think that gives new meaning to the term “brash American”.
If you could have dinner with a famous person, who would it be and why?
I would love to have dinner with Maya Angelou. I would love to sit and pick her brain and absorb her wisdom about life, self-respect, change, love…all the big topics. She was such an inspiration and she remains an inspiration through her writing.
I use one of her quotes as wallpaper on my computer so I see it every day…
“You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off of you.”
What’s your favorite quote?
I’m a self-professed quote junkie. While some people collect baseball cards, shot glasses or spoons from other countries, I collect quotes. So I have to say that this is probably one of the hardest questions for me to answer. I have many favorites. If I have to pick just one, my current favorite is this one by Timothy Leary…
If you were the CEO of a company name one thing you would make compulsory in the office and one thing you would ban in the office.
I think I would make “naptime” compulsory. Self-care is best friends with productivity because you can’t give from an empty tank. And I would ban negative, critical comments. I think people learn best from constructive, caring comments and not negative, critical ones.
You were just told you that you had 24 hours to eat whatever you wanted without any negative repercussions, what would you eat?
Pizza and buffalo chicken wings. I love a good pie with a side of wings. The “old” me would have said and a cold, frosty mug of beer, but since I don’t drink much any more, that doesn’t sound very appealing. BUT bring on the pizza and the wings and I’m one happy woman!
What is your favorite song and why?
I love music. It’s like crayons for my soul…providing color! Lots and lots of color….so it’s not uncommon for me to take a song and relate it to something that is happening in my life. My current favorite song, which is on repeat, is Rise By Katy Perry.
This is an empowering song and for me it holds a powerful message of not listening to the naysayers in the world, including the ones that are in our heads. The reason I love it so much, it serves as my reminder that I’m not here just to survive. I’m here to rise and to thrive! We all are!
Feel free to check out last week’s post, as I share just a bit more.
What would your pet say about you if they were asked for a character reference?
They would probably say something like…
“Our momma is a big old softy with a big heart! There’s no doubt about it. Not only does she love us unconditionally, hug us often, but she can’t resist our little head tilts and wagging tails when it comes to extra treats while she’s cooking. Oh, and she cries at sappy commercials. If it pulls at her heartstrings the waterworks will follow. “
Now over to you. Let’s get vulnerable and transparent together. I promise the water is fine. Who’s going to be first?
Until next week, I send you all much love and light from my open heart to yours…
A personal note to my own naysayers
“Is it noisy out there, and for some reason, people want to see you fail, but that’s not your problem. That is their problem.”
That quote is from a video that I recently watched. As I was watching it a feeling of, “You can’t hold me back. I’ll show you” determination hit me like a wave. Followed by two questions…
If the naysayers want us to fail and it’s their problem that they do, why do we listen? What causes us to give what they say an ounce of credibility?
MY OWN NAYSAYERS
I’ve had my share of naysayers, particularly the naysayers that reside in my head, which are probably the loudest of all.
I give them credibility when I don’t have faith in my own abilities.
I believe all that they say when I lack trust in myself.
I listen to their negativity and buy into it hook line and sinker when I’m afraid.
I conform to their critiques of me in order to fit in when I feel alone.
And while their naysaying may be their problem I make it mine any time I take it in and take it to heart. I make it my problem any time I allow it to hold me back or twist and contort me into someone I’m not.
I’ve listened until I can’t listen any more. I’m tired of listening and allowing their naysaying to become my problem so I’ve decided to share this little message with all my naysayers...
To anyone who has ever doubted me, thought I wasn’t capable, or criticized me for any reason... I want to say “Thank you!” Yes, you read that right; I want to thank you for your naysaying. It’s serving as my guidance system, letting me know that what I’ve done and what I’m doing is the right thing for me.
You can continue to nay all you want. That’s your problem, not mine. Just please note that I will no longer take your naying into consideration. It will no longer hold power or credibility. As Brene’ Brown best said, “If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”
I will continue to do what I feel is best and for the greater good. I will continue to live from a place of love, joy, light and compassion. And if you don’t like it, then I say this with all the love in my heart, please do yourself (and me) a favor, find somewhere else to “nay”…. because I’m done listening.
But before I sign off here’s something, my dear naysayers that you can listen to…it's my new anthem and declaration.
I will continue to rise so just watch me! Love, Pam
If you have a message for your naysayers please take this time and this space to share it. You deserve to be heard, especially by your naysayers.
At the end of the day, the best way to counteract the naysayers is to find what brings us joy and to live from that joy as often as possible. Care to join me?
Until next time, my friends…I’m sending you much love and light from my open-heart to yours…
Ways to tell and some things to try when you are
Taken for granted
Have you ever felt or experienced any of these?
If you answered “yes” then there’s a good chance you’ve experienced an energy leak. To explain…
An energy leak is when we’re expending energy in ways that cause an energetic deficit. For example, an energetic deficit is created by…
…saying “yes” when we really want and need to say “no”.
…doing things because we’re afraid that someone won’t like us or love us if we don’t.
…allowing someone to belittle or berate us.
…hanging out with energy vampires.
…reliving a past hurt.
…holding on to anger.
(I can raise my hand to all of these. How about you?) And when we are energetically deficit we are more susceptible to all the feelings mentioned at the start of this post.
I just recently heard Caroline Myss say something that blew my energetic mind and put how we expend energy into perspective. I’m paraphrasing here but she asked us to imagine being given only $100 worth of energy each day. That’s it. No more. No less.
As she said that I felt my throat tighten and my first thought was,
“Holy shit! $100 worth of energy isn’t a lot for a 24-hour period. I better be careful how I spend it.”
Depending on how we spend our $100 of energy it’s possible to expend it in ways that create an energetic deficit. When we become energetically deficient we then have to borrow that energy from somewhere…maybe from our own cells (making us tired and susceptible to fear, self-doubt, etc.) or from someone else (making us needy or dependent).
As if that wasn’t mind-blowing enough she then encouraged all those listening to become energy bankers. Not in the lending of our energy, but rather in the ways we invest our energy. Investing it in ways that yield a high, positive rate of return.
YES! That makes perfect sense! Investing energy in ways that fuels our energy (or makes us feel good) and doesn’t deplete it.
Her wise wisdom has been echoing in my head for well over a week now. As a result, I’ve become more aware of what (and where) I’ve been investing my energy, making a point to invest it wisely.
There’ve been times this past week when I haven’t invested it as wisely as I could have, but I will say I’ve been consciously aware of those times. Here’s the kicker…in being consciously aware of when I’m not investing wisely (due to consciously choosing my actions and behaviors), I’ve actually leaked less energy than if I participated in the same activities in a mindless fashion.
Pretty cool stuff!
WAYS TO STOP LEAKING
Energy leaks are bound to happen, but we don’t have let them leak to a point of complete and total deficit. Here are some things that will help stop the leaks and recharge our energy reserves.
Regular “feeler” check-ins. Feelings are awesome (not to mention extremely valid) because they serve as guidance. They clue us in to what’s going on in our world and what we need to pay attention to. They’re also great indicators of when we have an energy leak. If we make it a point to check-in we become more aware of our own energy expenditure.
Soak them. When we’re feeling heavy, stuck or depleted it helps to take an Epsom salt bath. Epsom salt baths are a great way to element negative energy and toxicity from our bodies.
Ask yourself, “Do I want to expend my energy here?” Asking ourselves this question or a similar question places us in conscious choice. Choosing = Personal Power and Personal Power = Energy
Be choosy about the activities we engage in and the people we spend time with. When we choose to hang out with people that match our energy and participate in activities that fuel our energy we avoid leakage.
Protect our energy during times when we have to be around people who drain it. A really good way to do that is to cross our arms below our chest and in front of our solar plexus. I learned this little jewel many years ago from Sonia Choquette. Our solar plexus is our power center and so protecting it protects our energy.
Save the drama for our mamas. When we avoid gossip, complaining, or any form of martyrdom (ours or someone else’s) we stop the leaks from happening.
Be aware of what we read or watch. Yep, you guessed it; negative news is a real energy leak!
Here’s to being wise energy investors! Until next time, I’m sending you all much love, light, and positive energy from my open heart to yours…