I recently bought Glennon Doyle’s book “Untamed” and I’m so glad I did. I'm resonating with her stories. She’s like my sister from another mister, who like me lived in a cage of expectations to be someone she wasn’t in order to fit in with everyone else.
While I’m not finished with the book, what I’ve read made me ask myself this question; am I living my truth and being the most uncaged version of me?
Not completely and not in all the ways I can.
For example, I still have my moments when I don’t share my feelings to avoid rocking the boat. And most recently I realized that I was delaying (a nicer way of saying that I’ve been procrastinating) the work on my book, “The Stories I Told Myself” ....guess why? Writing it is requiring me to stand firmly in my truth, being the most vulnerable and raw that I’ve ever been.
BUT even though I have some work left to do, I’m proud to say, I’m living my truth more now than ever before. I’ve come out of my cage for the most part. (I think I still a few toes or maybe even a foot in the cage which is a heck of a lot better than my whole self.)
STEPPING OUT OF THE CAGE
Gloria Steinem, taking a verse from the Bible, once said...”The truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off.” And as I think about living my truth untamed and uncaged (like Glennon) a sense of freedom washes over me. I can’t say it pisses me off so much as it scares the crap out of me to completely step outside the cage.
What if stepping outside of it isn’t safe? What if my truth pisses others off? (Meet my inner critic, folks!)
Regardless of what my inner critic says, I know a) the scary feeling and inner critic are just reminding me how important it is to me to live my truth, b) that the truth is my key to stay outside of the cage once and for all, and c) I’ve never grown from a place of comfort.
So, what is my truth?
FOLLOWING MY NORTH STAR
My truth is my North Star and if I’m completely present to it, I know when I’m following it versus not following it.
What I’m finally coming to realize, my truth is about making me proud, proud of me as I am. It’s not about doing what’s expected of me but rather doing what I expect of me. My truth is showing up like me, even if me in that moment is cranky and irritable.
Being able to show up authentically, no matter what that looks like is the greatest gift I can give myself and the best thing I can do for my mindset.
Here’s the thing, if I DON’T continue to work on living my truth I’ll allow my inner critic to convince me that it’s safer to morph into someone to please others... which always leads to me settling and going back in the cage.
At the end of the day, I’m here to live for me. I’m not here to live for others. I’m not here to be someone I’m not so that I fit just anywhere. And I’m damn sure not going to settle so I wind up back in that cage.
I’m committed now more than ever (thank you. Glennon) to be my uncaged self which means doing the following...
- Sharing my feelings when it’s important to do so.
- When I feel that I’m veering away from my North Star asking myself, “What is my truth right now?” and then paying close attention to what I think and feel.
- Finishing my book no matter what!
SOME THINGS TO REMEMBER
As I continue my work living my truth I’m going to use the following reminders as support...
1) There are going to be people who aren’t going to jive with my truth and that’s OK. For every person that doesn’t, there are those that will. What’s most important is knowing that I’ll always jive with me when I’m living my truth.
2) My truth doesn’t need to compare itself to someone else’s to see if it measures up. My truth is good enough!
3) My truth doesn’t need to judge someone else’s in order to validate it. My truth doesn’t need validation.
4) My truth is mine. It’s for me and defined only by me.
So, my friends, I want to ask you a question...
Are you living your truth and being the most uncaged version of yourself? If not, and if you’re ready to grab your key to the cage be sure to reach out!
I love quotes. I collect them like someone who collects baseball cards, concert t-shirts, or recipes. They're the magical mojo I pull out of my back pocket when I need a mindset adjustment.
So, the following are all mindset based quotes, because well...that's my jam. ;) Enjoy them, take any of them with you, and if you have one to share, please do!
“I want to feel my life while I'm in it." - Meryl Streep
If you think you were born to be average, think again.
If you think you were meant to settle in this life, think again.
If you think you’re not enough, think again.
Our thoughts fuel our mindset, how we see our world, and how we feel about it. And the good news is; we can always change our mindset. We have that power.
What narrative are you telling yourself that’s not supportive?
What are your options when it comes to that narrative?
“My dad encouraged us to fail. Growing up, he would ask us what we failed at that week. If we didn’t have something, he would be disappointed. It changed my mindset at an early age that failure is not the outcome, failure is not trying. Don’t be afraid to fail.” - Sara Blakely
I once heard that failing is a growth opportunity but only if you choose for it to be. I used to sit in the fear of failing because I wondered how I was going to save face. It wasn’t until I realized that I was missing out on some cool opportunities to grow and learn that my mindset about failing changed. Failing is not a death knell, it’s a chance to expand and grow but it truly is in how we look at it.
Do you play it safe so you never fail? Or do you take a chance, put yourself out there, try something different knowing that if things go “South” you always have a chance to learn and grow?
“Nothing is impossible. The word itself says ‘I’m possible!’ “ – Audrey Hepburn
It’s all in what we believe and that’s based on what we tell ourselves. Our brains are sponges, soaking up all that we tell it and then making us feel the feels connected with the thoughts.
What do you tell yourself about you and what you can do?
“You will either step forward into growth, or you will step backward into safety.” - Abraham Maslow
Now that's a truth bomb! We don't grow from a place of safety and complacency. When we stretch ourselves and celebrate the stretch that's when we continue to strengthen a growth mindset.
What do you choose, growth or safety?
“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” - Albert Ellis
This one is a show stopper. I used to blame others for my mistakes and my unhappiness. Victim mentality your table is waiting. Talk about a powerless place to come from.
Want to take back your personal power from any situation, issue, or person? Stop blaming and start looking for the lesson, the option, the choice you can make at that moment. Trust me when I tell you it makes a HUGE difference when we realize just how much power we truly have.
Just remember, what we believe impacts what we do and what we don't do...and you, my friend, have the power to do some EXTRAORDINARY things.
So, if you're looking to change the narrative or rewrite any of the crappy stories that are impacting your mindset... Reach out because I have your back and I'm listening.
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and thought, “Damn, I look great today! I’m digging my outfit and my hair is on-point.”? And then a week later, you put on the same outfit, you do your hair in the same way, with one exception...
You look in the mirror and you don’t see the same thing you saw a week prior. This time you see dark circles under your eyes and what looks like a new worry line taking occupancy on your forehead.
Instead of thinking, “Damn, I look great today!” you think, “Damn, I look haggard and horrible. What’s with this outfit?! What was I thinking putting this thing on?”
Why the difference in perceptions? Same person, same outfit. What gives?!
Mindset, that’s what. We may see with our eyes but it’s our mindset that determines how we feel and what we think about what we’re seeing.
Essentially, mindset is the lens we view the world through which impacts how we feel, what we believe, and what we do or don’t do.
POSITIVE VS. NEGATIVE MINDSETS
There is a multitude of ways to categorize mindset based on tons of research. For example, Carol Dweck author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success places mindset in two categories growth (traits and qualities can change) and fixed (traits and qualities can’t change).
When you enter a mindset, you enter a new world. In one world — the world of fixed traits — success is about proving you’re smart or talented. Validating yourself. In the other — the world of changing qualities — it’s about stretching yourself to learn something new. Developing yourself. - Carol Dweck
While Ryan Gottfredson, mental success coach and author of “Success Mindsets: Your Keys to Unlocking Greater Success in Your Life, Work & Leadership” adds these additional categories;
While I love and appreciate the categories and the roles they play in understanding mindset, for simplicity's sake I like to use positive vs. negative when I’m identifying mindset.
To me, a positive mindset is expansive, whereas a negative mindset is constricted and closed.
“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill
With a positive mindset, we see our mistakes as an opportunity for learning, whereas with a negative mindset, we see mistakes as failures.
With a positive mindset, we’re open to new ideas and opportunities and with a negative mindset, we’re more apt to stick with the known.
With a positive mindset, we feel empowered and with a negative mindset, we feel deflated and defeated.
With a positive mindset, our self-talk is “can do” and with a negative mindset, our inner critic screams, “can’t” or creates a negative narrative to talk us out of taking action.
MY OWN DANCE WITH NEGATIVE MINDSET
I’m no stranger to a negative mindset. Mine is a weaver of negative narratives conjuring up all sorts of “wicked” tales to try and talk me out of doing some pretty cool things.
Like in 2005 when my negative mindset tried to convince me that I sucked as a coach and had no business coaching. Or years later when it tried to convince me that I was going to lose clients if I offered intuitive readings. The most recent narrative is all about the book that I’ve been working on, how my sharing my personal story is going to tick off some folks and how no one is going to read it, so why write it!?
Here’s what I’ve come to understand as a result of dancing with my own negative mindset, I’ve got a choice when it comes to what I allow it to talk me out of. I have a choice in shifting it and how I shift it.
WAYS TO SHIFT FROM A NEGATIVE TO A POSITIVE MINDSET
If you take anything away from this post, I hope it’s this... a negative mindset happens. And it’s not the negative mindset that is the issue, it’s what we allow it to do that becomes the issue. So, I’d like to offer the following to experiment with. These are things that I use when I want to shift from a negative mindset to a positive one.
Exercise choice. I do this by asking myself the question, “What do I choose to believe right now?” (Since my mindset impacts what I believe.) Choice takes power away from the negative mindset and puts it back with me.
Seek truth. When the negative mindset creeps in and the narratives start I ask myself, “What do I know to be the truth?” or a variation of that question. The key is creating awareness around what’s fact vs. fiction because our brains can’t tell the difference without our guidance.
Using the “feelers”. Because our mindset impacts how we feel and vice-versa I like to ask myself, “How do I want to feel right now?” BUT and this is a BIG BUT I don’t try and go from one feeling extreme to another because that often leads to frustration.
So, if I’m feeling “meh”, for example, and I don’t want to feel “meh” I’ll choose a feeling that is incrementally better, like say, peaceful or relaxed. And then I’ll do things that’ll help me to feel peaceful or relaxed, like deep breathing exercises (Speaking of breathing exercise, there’s a cool one in the downloadable Brain Detox. Check it out; it’s free and easy to use). Shifting my feelings incrementally shifts my mindset.
Which experiment will you try the next time you want to shift your mindset?
Just remember, you’re in control of your mindset and not the other way around...even though it doesn’t always feel that way. ;) Let me know your thoughts and if you have any questions, I’m here and I’m listening.
"You were given a right foot and a left foot, not a right foot and a wrong foot."
I fricking love that quote!
Perspective, at the end of the day, is subjective and that's what this quote reminds me of. Our perspective, our truth, and what we consider personally right and wrong.
Oh, and before I continue I think it's important to share that I'm not talking about the absolute wrongs in this world. Wrongs like racism, racial profiling, discrimination, hate speech and hate crimes, cruelty, abuse...those are definite wrongs.
What I'm talking about is the differing of opinions, thoughts, ideas, and perspectives.
THE NEED TO BE RIGHT
That quote also reminds me of that need to be right which I recently bumped up against. My own and someone else's.
Not to bore you with the gory details. Let's just say, I was trying to convince someone to see something my way. And since turn around is fair play, I was also on the receiving end of similar behavior.
And it got me thinking...
Why, as human beings, do we have to be right?
What happens when we're wrong?
My answer to the question... my ego. It's my ego that drives that need to be seen as a value-add, to "save face", or to be seen as smart.
And you want to know something funny?
When I'm on the receiving end of someone's "need to be right", I don't see anything of those things because I'm too pissed off.
"Don't tell me what to think. Your way isn't the way for me so stop trying to get me to see it your way. How dare you discount my thoughts."
That means there's a damn good chance I'm not coming across as a value-add or smart. Just annoying and discounting.
SEEING THINGS THROUGH THE LENS OF RIGHT OR WRONG
The reality is, when I look at things through the lens of right or wrong, I close myself off from seeing a different perspective. I shut down the opportunity to learn and to grow.
I stay in that place of "it's my way or the highway" or as a dear friend and colleague of mine says, I'm "married to being right".
And worse, I put a tight lid on the opportunity to connect.
SO, WHAT IF...
What if I(we) entertained the thought that there's a right for me and a right for you? That neither is wrong.
For the sake of clarity, that's not to say that I have to adopt another person's thoughts, ideas, perspectives, or opinions. Just be open to listen and to be curious.
I do that when I'm coaching my clients and some pretty cool things happen.
I remove my ego and listen from my heart.
I create deeper connections.
I learn something new about my clients.
I get cool ideas.
And I definitely avoid being annoying and discounting.
THE CHALLENGE & CALL TO ACTION
So, I'm daring myself to a challenge and I'd love the company if you care to join me. For the next 21 days, when I catch myself "needing to be right" in my personal relationships, I'm going to switch gears. I'm going to engage my curiosity and listen open-heartedly (like I do when I'm coaching) and see what cool things I may learn.
Are you with me?
I'm so sorry for the ear worm. I really am and if you can get past it, I've got a question for you...
How often do you celebrate? If that feels like a strange question, it kind of is, actually. But there's a method to my madness in asking it.
As a mindset coach and a person who totally geeks out on all things mindset-related, I've come to realize how helpful celebrating is when it comes to quieting that inner critic and creating a more positive mindset. And sadly, I don't think we take much time to celebrate. Yours truly included. Here's why...
WE ARE MUCH BETTER AT CALLING OUT "THE NEGATIVE"
“The truth is that everything that can be accomplished by showing a person when he's wrong, ten times as much can be accomplished by showing him where he is right. The reason we don't do it so often is that it's more fun to throw a rock through a window than to put in a pane of glass." - Robert T. Allen
It's true. We're much better at pointing out mistakes and flaws then we are at celebrating efforts. (We actually have negative bias to thank for that.)
So, rather than celebrate a project or goal completed, we move from that project or goal to the next. BUT...not without first taking a moment to point out all the things that didn't work.
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN...
So, what would happen if we were on "high alert" every day for things to celebrate?
Celebrating a lesson learned from a mistake made.
Celebrating taking the high road in a conversation.
Celebrating the parts of a project that worked rather than focusing on the parts that didn't.
What would be possible?
THE COOL SIDE EFFECTS OF CELEBRATING
To that last question, a lot is possible. Like attitudes shifting, mindsets lifting, perspectives changing because...
The brain can't think positive and negative at the same time. And celebrating causes a release of all sorts of "feel good" chemicals in our brain. Oh, and did you know that celebrating helps to increase memory?!
Care to experience those side effects and do a little experimenting of your own?
For the next two weeks let's deliberately celebrate every day. Celebrate the small wins, the cool things that happen, the nice things we do, the lessons learned, the strides taken... let's just celebrate all the good things.
And if celebrating isn't something you've done outside of birthday parties or anniversaries, here are some ideas to support your celebration efforts.
Create a celebration box. What you'll need is a small box, like a shoe box that you can decorate (should you wish to) and 14 small pieces of paper. On each piece of paper write down something that you'd consider a special treat. For example, the book you've wanted to buy, a special dessert, etc. Fold the papers in half and put them inside the box. At the end of the day, take a piece of paper out of the box and give yourself that special treat in celebration of you!
PM celebration journaling. Before your head hits the pillow at night, take stock of your day and list all the cool things that happened. OR if you're like me and can't remember what you had for lunch carry an "Atta Way" notebook with you...a small notebook where you can quickly jot down the cool things so that you can re-read it before bed.
So, on your marks, get set, let's go celebrate because you, my friend are worth celebrating!!
I am so honored and thrilled to have had the chance to be on this podcast with an amazing human being, Samantha Lane. We had such a blast talking about ways to mute that PITA inner critic!
Some of the highlights of this podcast:
Rewire our neural pathways of what we thought was true
Why do our inner critics speak so loudly
Interplay between therapy & coaching
What it means to coach the whole person
Honor and empower yourself with choice
Check it out...
Have you ever expected someone to take your feelings into consideration, only to be hurt when they didn't?
During a time when you were struggling have you ever expected someone near and dear to check-in? Then when they didn't you felt hurt and resentful?
Have you ever expected someone to be there for you in the same way you've been there for them? Then when they didn't show up as you would have, you found yourself royally ticked off?
If you answered "yes" to any of the above, you're definitely not alone. Me too, to all of the above...many times over, actually.
A TURNING POINT
OK, so you'd think after being disappointed and having my feelings hurt repeatedly, I'd maybe get the hint that having expectations of others might not be a good thing.
Nope. Didn't get that hint...
My expectations were clearly on the rinse and repeat cycle until a coach I was working with made a suggestion.
Lower my expectations of others.
Pardon me?! What?! Lower my expectations!?
I didn't get it. I didn't get that it wasn't for me to expect other people to be decent, kind, caring, aware, giving, loving, considerate, <fill in the blank>.
I honestly thought it was OK to have those expectations. Isn't that what people should be?
In short, those expectations became a habit. A perpetual dance with disappointment, anger, and resentment. And being totally honest, they were sometimes a way for me to feel "better than" during a time when I felt the exact opposite. (Cue the inner voice..."I'd consider your feelings before doing that. I'd be there for you....blah...blah...blah".)
THE LESSON FROM A BITCH CALLED EXPECTATION
I didn't get the lower my expectations "thing" until I was ready to change the habit. Once I was ready, here's what I got; my expectations were the issue...not others.
I expected others to handle things in a similar vein to me.
I expected them to be what I wanted them to be.
I expected them to show up for me in the way that I'd show up.
No wonder I was disappointed, resentful, hurt, and angry. Those people weren't me and it was unfair of me to expect them to be. And in hindsight kind of pompous of me.
Once I got that, the disappointment, hurt, and anger lessened. That was until...
I GOT MY FEELINGS HURT ONCE AGAIN
Somehow, most recently, that little lesson on expectations skipped out of town.
I completely forgot about the lowering of expectations. I completely forgot it's unfair of me to expect others to be what I want them to be or react in ways I need them to. And subsequently, I got my feelings hurt.
I won't bore you with my pity-party-ish details because they don't really matter. What matters is the reminder that expectations are an unfair bitch when it comes to others. An unfair bitch that I can...that we can kick to the curb.
And in honor of her departure, I offer these...
EXPERIMENTS AND INSIGHTS
But here's the caveat, take with you what will work for you and leave what won't. OK?
It's OK to have reasonable expectations. Yep, for yourself. And here's a little "litmus test"; if you've set an expectation for yourself and you're having a difficult time meeting it...could be a cool indicator that it's time to lower it a smidgen.
It's not personal. Someone not showing up in the way you wish them to or not taking your feelings into consideration isn't because of you. Trust me. It's because of them...and how they see or don't see things, how they feel, what's going on in their world, etc. The bottom line; it's not personal.
Ask for what you need knowing that people really aren't mind-readers. I don't say that to be snarky. I say that because it's true. Sure it would make things easier, especially since asking can be kinda challenging to the old ego. The one thing I remind myself of consistently ...if I don't ask, the answer will always be "no".
So, my friends, I don't know about you but I'm going to take a page out of Stephen Hawkin's book and lower my expectations again. That way anything positive someone else does is an unexpected bonus! I love positive surprises...how about you?
Normally I wake up jazzed to dive into my morning ritual of journaling, meditating, coffee, and an intuitive reading with some intuitively guided writing. It's my time to just tune-in and see what comes bubbling up and out.
Not this morning. This morning something was off.
But I did as I always do…
I put on my headphones, turned on some soothing, meditative music, and opened my journal. My pen poised and ready for action and then….NOTHING! Nada. Zilch. Zip. A big blank page.
Enter the frustration, which of course didn’t help!
My one saving grace was remembering something Julia Cameron suggested in her book "The Artist's Way"…just write. Write anything on the page even if it's "I don't know what to write" over and over until something comes.
THE JOURNAL ENTRY THAT HAD ME SITTING WITH THE "MEH"
Hmmm…not sure what to write about. I know that not every journal session is going to be filled with "aha" moments of clarity. But this sucks. Nothing is coming up. Hmmm.
Keep writing. It's important to just keep the pen moving, regardless of what lands on the page. I have to remember this is my time with me so it's not what I write that matters. What matters is that I take this time to just be here in this moment of mindfulness.
I'm noticing that as I'm journaling I'm feeling flat and kind of "meh". I'm not sure if it's the headache or what it is but I'm really feeling uninspired… like I don't want to do anything but close my eyes and go back to sleep.
I hope it's just a temporary moment of "blah". All I really want to do is nothing. No "have to's"…just nothingness. That's what sounds awesome right now.
I wonder if it's time for a break? Just to chill and take it easy. Or is it that I just a need to shake up my morning "ritual"? Add something new or do it in a different way … I'm not sure... But what I'm sure of, I'm just feeling "meh".
Wait, maybe I'm not meant to do anything with the "meh". Maybe, for once, I'll do nothing with it … I'll give myself permission to not push through it, to be okay with feeling "meh".
Hey, maybe there's a gift in the "meh"…and I'll never know if I try to chase it away.
Which reminds me of Rumi's Guest House poem… every emotion a visitor to be invited in. Invite the "meh" in ... Have coffee with it and maybe ask it a few questions.
Hey "Meh" tell me about yourself.
Where do you come from?
What brings you here today?
Maybe it will enlighten me and I'll learn something new. Maybe it will remind me of something I've forgotten and needed to be reminded of. Who knows?
What I do know, I'm going to sit with it. Acknowledge it and see what it has to say. I'm sitting with the “meh”.. I'm not pushing it away or sending it out the door. I'm just sitting with all its flatness, it's colorlessness... just sitting with it quietly waiting for it to share whatever it wants to share.
AND THEN ODDLY THIS HAPPENED...
As I sat with the "meh", it left. It went away. I went from feeling like I wanted to do nothing to re-connecting with my usual jazzed feeling. YES!!
And here's why that was odd…I'm the type of person that wants to get to the source of why I'm feeling the way I feel. It's been my MO forever.
Not today. Today I just sat with the "meh" and as a result I learned something really cool!
It's not always necessary to understand "why" we feel the way we do. Sometimes that's just not important. Sometimes what's most important is to give ourselves permission to feel whatever we feel. To sit with it.
In sitting with it, we don't stuff it. We don't push it away. We allow it to come and then go.
Especially during times when the outside world is a little topsy-turvy… sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is give ourselves a little grace to just be with our feelings in an observant kinda way.
I close with this question, the next time you feel "meh" will you sit with it?
I'd be lying if I told you that I'm keeping it all together all day, every day. I'm not. And even though as a mindset coach I've got all sorts of tips and tricks, there are just times when a good ol' fashion meltdown is clearing and cathartic. (For me, a meltdown equates to a good cry.)
Here's the deal...
Feelings kept bottled up, stuffed, buttoned up, etc don't go away. They find a way to come out. Like that snarky comment that we didn't mean to make OR that verbal grenade that we didn't mean to throw.
So, basically what I'm saying is if you feel a meltdown coming on, it's natural. Allow the meltdown to come up and out. (As a side tip: I do my melting down some place quiet so that it doesn't "melt" all over any one else.)
If melting down isn't your thing, I get it! Not to worry. I've got some other handy dandy tricks up my proverbial sleeve. Use these for the times when you feel a "losing it" moment coming on.
Hit the pause button
Yep, when you're feeling the edge coming on and you're about to blow your top, hit the pause button. Which means take a 10 minute time out before you say or do anything. Give yourself a little bit of a break to grab some water or take a deep breath.
Engage some oxytocin
Speaking of breathing, I do a little breathing exercise that's great for chasing away that "losing it" feeling. It's called oxytocin breathing and rather than explain it, here's a video that demonstrates it.
Laugh it off
Laughing releases some awesome "feel good" chemicals. In my house we've been re-binge watching episodes of Schitt's Creek on Netflix in the evenings. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. that show. And if you want a quick little chuckle, check out this hilarious video clip making its way around Facebook.
Just remember, my friend if you feel like you're losing it, you're not alone and you're not going crazy! It's times like these that a little grace for ourselves goes a long way. Just know that I'm sending you a ton of love and light!
Take care of you and stay well and safe...
P.S. For your reading pleasure ... to deal with things like fear, emotions, and how to create bit more calming personal power, be sure to check out the following blog posts.
5 Tested Strategies To Stand Up To Fear
Are You A Stuffer?
We Are So Much Stronger
There will be a day when this challenging time will be in our rear-view mirrors. When the fear will subside. When the panic will stop. When the anxiety will lower. In the meantime, I want to encourage...
...the dreamers to keep dreaming. Your dreams matter so don't you dare let anyone squash them with their own fear or insecurities.
...the light workers to keep shining because we need your shine more than ever.
...the leaders to lead from that heart-centered place, because coming from the heart is what keeps us connected.
...the healers to take good care of yourselves because you and what you're doing is important and appreciated beyond words.
...the mamas and the papas who are trying to hold it all together for their kiddos, please be sure to recharge your batteries. You are loved beyond measure.
We will get through this! You are not alone. And with that said...
With all that is happening right now one of the worst things we can do is keep what's troubling us inside.
Feelings stuffed come out eventually and in ways that aren't always helpful...verbal grenades, resentment, more fear, heaviness, low energy, etc.
For example, when I'm in a place of fear, if I don't release it by sharing it with someone or in my journal, that fear only grows. Once I share it, it shrinks in size and in strength.
Now, more than ever is the time to share. To lighten the load a bit. So, if you need a place to vent or some where to share your concerns and fears, I want you to know that I've got your back.
I've created this confidential form where you can anonymously share whatever is on your mind and in your heart. No judgment, just a safe space to lighten the load.
Just know that I'm sending you all a great deal of love and light, as always!
Please stay safe and healthy!
P.S. VERY IMPORTANT! This form is no way a substitute for professional support. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal or depressive thoughts, please know support is available. Please, please, please call your health care provider or The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255). You are far too important!
IMPORTANT MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: This post is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified healthcare providers with any questions you may have regarding a potential medical condition.
Have you ever felt like you were coming down with something, but not in a physical sort of way? Feeling like you were unusually energetically off?
That was me over the last few months.
I felt unusually heavy, drained, and unsettled without cause. To add insult to injury, not knowing the cause drove me nuts. I'm a get to the root kinda gal so I can deal with whatever the source of an issue is to move past it.
I was thinking maybe it was Mercury being in retrograde. (Yep, that's a real thing.) I thought maybe it was menopause. Of course, some of what I'd been feeling might have been related. I hadn't been sleeping all that great which I thought may also have been the reason but I've lacked sleep before and never felt this off and tapped out.
Then a thought hit me, could there be such a thing as energy sickness?
With my curiosity on high alert, I took to Google and typed in "energy sickness" and sure enough there were over 73 million results.
I didn't click on all 73 million links but the ones I did click on confirmed that there was such a thing. Energy sickness is described as being out of balance or alignment to the point that our own systems can't regulate. Which makes so much sense as to why something felt unusually off.
And for some, energy sickness can be accompanied by physical illness, like a cold, body aches, headaches, or the flu.
I felt an odd sense of relief as I was clicking and reading. Cool, I wasn't going crazy or losing my mind. I was suffering from a case of energy sickness.
What Causes Energy Sickness?
As an avid self-care lover and regular participator in many things self-care related being energetically sick made no sense. That was until I realized that while self-care is super important so is paying attention to what I was exposed to that could cause energy sickness. Things like...
Other people's energy (CHECK- as an empath I sometimes soak up other people's energy like a sponge soaks up water.)
Drama (CHECK - was reading the news more than usual.)
Negativity (CHECK - In two words, social media.)
Going through a change, a shift, a healing period, or personal growth. (DEFINITELY CHECK!! I'd been doing a lot of work on my own self-awareness. Having lots of aha moments and shifts. More on this soon.)
Ummm, it's no wonder I came down with energy sickness.
Ways To Avoid & Recover From Energy Sickness
While I'm not 100% back to my normal energy levels, I'm getting there and these are the things that are helping me recover.
Your Energy Wellness
Now it's your turn to tune into your own energy wellness because awareness is key to that wellness.
On a scale of 1-10, (1 = not feeling energetically well and 10 = feeling energetically great), how would you rate your energy wellness right now?
If you're wanting/needing to increase your energy wellness rating and avoid coming down with energy sickness give these two things a whirl.
Take an honest inventory of your world. What's depleting your energy?
What are you willing to experiment with to avoid the things that are depleting it?
Create and use a self-care menu to make self-care a no-brainer.
At the end of the day, you and your energy are far too important to be compromised! Here's to being energetically well! Until next time, I'm sending you much peace, love, light, and loads of good energy.
Have you ever read a book that just lit up your brain? And when I say "lit", I mean it made all sorts of light-bulbs go off. I'm currently reading one of those books.
At the beginning of the year, I started reading The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo. Each day there's a short passage followed by some action-based prompts. I'm not going to lie, there are a few passages that don't really click with me, but the ones that do...boy do they click. My brain lights up like a Christmas Tree and I can't get my thoughts down in my journal fast enough.
Now, since I'm a sucker for a good a-ha moment, particularly ones that are shareable, I thought it would be fun to share some of the love with you.
This is a snippet from the passage titled "Being Kind-I"...
"The great and fierce mystic William Blake said, there is no greater act than putting another before you. This speaks to a selfless giving that seems to be at the base of meaningful love. Yet having struggled for a lifetime with letting the needs of others define me, I've come to understand that without the healthiest form of self-love - without honoring the essence of life that this thing self carries, the way a pod carries a seed - putting another before you can result in damaging self-sacrifice and endless co-dependence."
I've lived up close and personal to co-dependence. Been there, done that. Have the t-shirt and the tiara. So, this passage reminded me of the many times I used to confuse people-pleasing and peace-keeping with being kind. And I don't think I need to tell you....there's a HUGE difference.
For example, stuffing my feelings to keep the peace all because I didn't want to trouble someone else or run the risk of ticking them off. (I still fall into the old habit of saying, "I'm fine." when I'm really not.) Stuffing wasn't kind; it created all sorts of internal chaos.
Doing/Saying things that didn't fit with me to please someone else. That wasn't kind; that got me lost and there's nothing kind about losing your identity. Not to mention, I was lying and lying isn't kind.
ENTER A-HA MOMENTS, STAGE LEFT
A-ha moment #1: The most unkind thing we can ever do to ourselves and others is to not be ourselves. Genuine, heartfelt kindness comes from being who we are.
A-ha moment #2: True kindness doesn't hurt and it sure as heck doesn't cost us our identity or our well-being. EVER
So, I have to ask, do you find yourself being authentically kind? Or do you find that you're being kind at the cost of yourself, your feelings, and/or your well-being?
All things mindset related
About this blog
This is the place where I share my personal journey, insights, ideas, and a-ha moments helping me to mute my own inner critic. It is my hope you find what you need to mute your own.