The Mystery of Why Some People Love Networking Events (And Others Want to Exit Stage Left)

I've been to my fair share of networking events over the years, and I'll be honest: I haven't usually walked away having made a genuine connection.

I'm definitely in the "exit stage left" camp. Networking events have always felt off to me...like everyone was racing to hand out as many business cards as possible before the appetizers ran out. I get that's just my perception. I also get that it probably didn't help walking into those events nervous.

Nonetheless, within minutes I'd find myself in conversations that felt completely scripted: "What do you do? Where do you work? Here's my card. Please let me know if there’s anyone else I should connect with."

What Makes Some Brains Networking-Happy While Others Run for the Door

For years, I thought maybe it was me. Maybe I just wasn't good at networking. Maybe I needed to get better at "working the room" or having a more appealing elevator pitch. I tried, trust me. I just never got the hang of navigating networking events.

And here's what I've learned as a result: there's actual neuroscience behind why some of us thrive in these environments while others of us are scanning for the nearest exit.

People who love networking events aren't necessarily more social or extroverted. They're operating from a completely different neural state.

When you walk into a room already nervous (like I did), your brain is essentially in mild threat-detection mode. Your amygdala is scanning for social risks like rejection, judgment, and awkwardness. This puts you in a protective state where you're more focused on not messing up than on genuinely connecting.

Meanwhile, networking naturals tend to approach these events with what neuroscientists call "approach motivation" rather than "avoidance motivation." Their brains are wired to see new people as interesting possibilities for connection rather than potential threats. They're genuinely curious about others, which creates a completely different energy.

And here's the kicker: genuine curiosity literally changes your brain chemistry. When you're interested in someone, your brain releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. People can feel this shift, even unconsciously.

On the flip side, some people naturally approach networking in task-completion mode, where they have goals for a certain number of connections made or information gathered. While this can be effective for their objectives, it creates a different energy than curiosity-driven conversations.

Why Your Brain Can Instantly Tell the Difference

Your nervous system is incredibly sophisticated at detecting authenticity. Within milliseconds of meeting someone, your brain is processing micro-expressions, tone of voice, body language, and something scientists call "emotional contagion," which is literally feeling the other person's emotional state.

When someone approaches you with genuine curiosity, your mirror neurons pick up on their relaxed, open state. When someone approaches you with a specific agenda, your brain registers that focused energy differently.

This is why some conversations flow naturally while others feel strained. You're both responding to each other's nervous systems rather than just the words being spoken.

A Different Way to Think About Professional Connections

What if the challenge isn't that you're bad at networking, but that traditional networking events don't match how your brain naturally builds connections?

This was a game changer for me. Some of the most meaningful professional relationships I've created happened when we were focused on something other than transactional networking. We were collaborating on a project, solving a problem together, sharing genuine insights about work we were passionate about.

In other words, we were connecting around shared interests rather than shared goals for making connections. So, I guess you could say I have found a way to network outside of networking events, one that works with my brain.

An Experiment to Try

Whether you love traditional networking or prefer other approaches, give this a go: the next time you're in a professional setting, try focusing entirely on being genuinely curious about one person. Not curious about what they can do for you, but interested in their work, their challenges, their perspective. What you can learn from them and about them.

Maybe try asking questions like: "What's the most interesting project you're working on right now?" or "What's surprising you about your industry lately?"

Your brain will shift into connection mode instead of performance mode. And you might be surprised by how different that conversation feels.

Your turn:

Are you an exit-finder or a networking natural? And if you've ever had a professional connection happen organically, how did it happen?

Comment below and tell me about your networking experiences: the good, the awkward, and everything in between. I'm genuinely curious about how this lands with different people.