Updated: Apr 13
As a mindset geek, I love learning as much as I can about shifting a can't mindset to one that can and does. So, over the last year, I've spent A LOT of time in the best mindset laboratory possible, my own mindset.
I’ve been a neutral observer (more on that in a bit), I’ve engaged, disengaged, meditated, and journaled. I’ve poked and prodded, provoked, and pontificated. Not to mention I’ve read more books in the last year than I have in the last 20 years. (If you're into insightful/inspiring books and want some recommendations, be sure to get in touch! I'm always happy to share.)
And from all of the self-reflection, reading, and experimentation I’ve discovered or re-discovered…
Thoughts are like mirrors. They reflect back to us what we’re thinking in what we see around us. For example, if I'm feeling crappy and having crappy thoughts, stepping in front of the mirror is going to result in a negative diatribe about all my flaws. (Bad case of stink eye anyone?!?)
Holy crap...when did you get so old?
What's the deal with all the lines?
Umm, those dark bags under your eyes could serve as great carry-on luggage.
When I'm in that crappy space I remind myself of two things. First, I'm not my thoughts, and second, negative thoughts happen so that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me.
And then I infuse some gratitude into the situation.
I'm so grateful I'm here and in good health.
I'm grateful for the awareness that I'm not my thoughts.
I'm grateful to know the crappy feeling isn't permanent -- it too shall pass.
Before too long my thoughts are going from crappy feeling to something better feeling.
Positive and negative thoughts, like oil and water in the brain. Using gratitude to cure my bad case of stink eye, I'm reminded, the brain can't think positive and negative thoughts at the same time. That's why when I shift to gratitude I'm taking my focus away from the negative. The more I do that, the more I weaken the negative neural pathway in my brain, replacing it with a new positive one. (Sorry to geek out on you there.)
Not Enough/Not Good Enough is shitting on a gift. This was my lightning strike moment, realizing when I fall into the narrative of not enough I'm telling the Big U(niverse) I don't appreciate what I have. I actually sound like an ungrateful child, which has never been my intention.
So, when I find myself complaining about something not being enough or not good enough, I stop and engage in gratitude again!
"I don't have enough time" turns into "I'm glad I have 10 minutes to take a bit of a breath."
"I don't have enough money to do ____________" turns into "I'm so grateful to have money to pay my bills on time."
"There are not enough people signing up for my group coaching" turns into "I'm so excited and grateful for the awesome one-on-one clients I have, and the work we're doing together."
When I stop shitting on the gifts, I start to see more gifts in the form of cool opportunities.
Becoming a fly on the wall keeps me from taking on other people's negative energy. When I become a neutral observer by just noticing and not engaging someone else's "stuff", I'm less likely to take it personally and/or become hooked in the negative narratives. This also includes being a neutral observer of my own negative narrative. I actually share a bit more about this little mindset hack on The Uncommon Women podcast. Be sure to check it out. (This link opens in a new tab.)
Because awareness is Queen/King to creating a shift in mindset, I'd love to ask you some awareness-creating questions.
What creates your can't mindset? (i.e. the negative stories that are playing on a loop, the things others have said to you, etc.)
What do you do to shift your mindset from can't to can? OR What are you willing to do?
I'd love to hear from you -- feel free to share your answers.
Until next time, much love to you all... stay well and safe!