Have you ever felt disliked by someone? Or have you ever worried about whether you were liked/disliked?
Either way, it sucks to feel like you're not liked.
As human beings we have a need to belong, to feel accepted, to be loved/liked, and to be a part of a tribe. So, when someone in our world doesn't like us or we perceive that they don't, it can do some of the following things…
- Make us question ourselves.
- Create tension and discomfort.
- Cause us to try and be someone we aren't in order to be liked.
- Lead to comparison and judging (of ourselves and/or the other person).
But here's the deal, we can get to a place where we're OK with being disliked by someone else.
IT HAPPENS TO ALL OF US
First, it's important to know that you're not alone. We've all probably experienced another person's dislike or perceived dislike so here's something to keep in mind…
It’s not you. I promise. The fact that someone may dislike you really has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them and whatever is going on inside of them. (Be it insecurities, negative self-perception, pain, etc.)
Regardless, I know that the logic doesn't make it feel any better. I get it. Trust me.
I've got someone in my life who doesn't like me. Yes, I admit that that may be my perception, but I can say based on their behavior it's a pretty safe perception. Unlike a casual acquaintance or a work colleague, I can't just completely disconnect from this person because they're family.
Sadly in the past, I'd fallen prey to twisting myself into a pretzel to try and get this person to like me. No amount of twisting and contorting changed their behavior towards me. I questioned myself a lot, wondering what I did and why I wasn't likable. Until one day it hit me like a ton of bricks…
This person and I have NOTHING in common. NOTHING. And in all honesty, if they weren't a part of my family I wouldn't even be friends with them. And that's when I made the commitment to myself to do the following…
Never again become a human pretzel, especially since being authentic is important to me. NO person is worth jeopardizing not only my integrity but my authenticity.
Every time I have to be around this person, (which isn't often) I repeat in my head, "Not my storm." Which is my reminder that whatever feelings they have towards me are not mine to own. This keeps me out of their emotional storm and the negativity it creates.
And the most important thing I do is remind myself that I have a choice in how this person's dislike impacts me. I can choose to let it or not let it. (Bet you can guess what I choose?)
THE OTHER "HOWS" TO BE OK WITH BEING DISLIKED
HOW #1: I think Scott Stratten said it best, “Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer.” This little quote has also helped me weather the "dislike" storm a time or two. Not to mention, it makes me chuckle…and chuckling creates positive energy; the energy that combats the negative feelings dislike creates.
HOW #2: Know that there is no such thing as rejection. Nope. If someone dislikes you that's the Universe's (God, Buddha, Your Higher Power, etc.) way of protecting you from someone that isn't a good fit for you. That way you have the space and the energy for someone who is.
HOW #3: Ask yourself this question….
"What are the benefits of this person not liking me?"
And then begin listing all the benefits. For example…more space and time for people who do like you, less negativity to deal with, no more criticism, don't have to deal with spiteful behavior, etc.
Be sure to remember the benefits. Use them as a reminder of just how OK it is that this person doesn't like you!
HOW #4: Take deep breathes and the higher road. When you have to be around a person who dislikes you, be sure to take some deep breathes. Deep breathing changes the chemicals in your brain and helps to create calm. When you're calm, you're more equipped to take the higher road.
HOW #5: I AM ________________
Some of the most powerful words come after "I am". Instead of feeling disliked how do you want to feel? Make a list.
Then when you're feeling the dislike you can use your powerful "I AM" statement to help you disconnect from those negative feelings. For example, "I am an amazing friend." "I am loved." "I am totally likable." "I am fun to be around.", etc…whatever resonates most with you.
What other "HOWS" do you want to add to this list? The more options you have to choose from, the better!
YOU'VE GOT THIS
So, the next time you feel the dislike or you're worried that someone dislikes you, just remember….you've got this! Another person's dislike has nothing on you! And be sure to use some of the "HOWS" to support you in being OK with being disliked.