Imagine this: you're in a clothing store with jam-packed sale racks of clothes, a total mishmash. You've got shiny shirts from Saturday Night Fever crumpled next to neon spandex leggings from the 80s. And right in the middle of all the chaos? An amazing, pristine, and timeless black suit, just waiting to be picked.
Ever felt like that black suit? Amazing, yet overlooked?
I have. I used to feel devalued, like I was neither seen nor heard. And that devaluing stemmed from the way I felt about me. (Not good enough and worthy of settling.)
And it was this game-changing quote that not only made me aware of my devaluing behavior but sparked an impetus for change.
“If you feel like others are not treating you with love and respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you subconsciously marked yourself down. Because it is YOU who tells others what you’re worth by showing them what you are willing to accept for your time and attention. So, get off the clearance rack. If you don’t value and respect yourself, wholeheartedly, no one else will either.” – Unknown
Bingo! That’s why I was attracting the wrong people and situations into my world—opportunities where I could feel undervalued, unseen, and unheard. I was teaching people how to treat me based on how I felt about myself, how I was showing up, and the behaviors I tolerated from others.
How We Wind Up on the Clearance Rack
We are those suits every time we play small, shrink, or let ourselves believe the stories of insignificance and not being good enough. Our actions and self-treatment, anchored in those thoughts, put us on that clearance rack.
To create change in our lives, including getting off the clearance rack, we must first create awareness—awareness of the things we do, think, and feel that keep us stuck there. Here are some behaviors to be aware of:
- Making self-deprecating jokes
- Saying “yes” when we mean “no”
- Giving what we don’t have to please others or keep the peace
- Doing things just to be liked
- Pretending to be someone we’re not in order to feel accepted
- Giving away our services for free
- Allowing ourselves to be others’ options when we make others a priority
This isn't an exhaustive list, but it's a start. What do you do that lands you on the clearance rack?
Neuroscience Insight: Understanding Self-Worth
Our brain’s pathways are shaped by our thoughts and actions. Constant negative self-talk or undervaluing ourselves strengthens these pathways, trapping us in a cycle. When we change our negative thoughts by doing things like focusing on gratitude, looking for contradictory evidence, or simply shifting our attention, we change how we show up! We rewire our brains to amplify self-worth.
Tips for Getting Off the Clearance Rack
If you find yourself on that clearance rack or running the risk of being placed on it, here are a few tips to experiment with:
1. Practice Self-Care Regularly
Daily, if possible. Even 10 minutes of quiet time does wonders. Doing nice things for yourself tells your brain you’re worth it, and you start showing up differently.
2. Watch the Negative Self-Talk
Your brain believes what you tell it. Say something negative about yourself, and your brain agrees and looks for proof, often in the form of feelings. When you catch yourself saying something negative, just stop. I had a client who used to tap her leg, as if pushing the stop button on a tape recorder, and say to herself, “Stop. Erase.”
3. Ask for Help
Neuroscience shows that social support is key to mental health and resilience.
4. Remember “No” is a Complete Sentence
Saying “no” when you mean it sets healthy boundaries and respects your well-being.
5. Prioritize Yourself
It’s not selfish; it’s essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Saying “yes” to yourself boosts your brain’s reward system and creates more positive feelings.
6. Don’t Undervalue Your Services
Your work includes your heart, time, intellectual property, and energy. Those who value your work will pay for it—this is an equal exchange of energy.
7. Trust Your Gut
Neuroscience confirms that intuition is your brain processing information quickly. Follow it; it knows the way.
8. Be You Knowing There’s No Such Thing as Rejection
Rejection is just the Universe's way of protecting your time, energy, and heart from something or someone that’s not a good fit. This way, you’re free for what’s truly meant for you.
Remember, your worth isn't measured by what you have or do for others but by how you feel about yourself. You, my friend, don’t belong on any clearance rack. Not now, not ever. So, what are you willing to experiment with that will keep you off the clearance rack once and for all?
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