Happy February, Everyone!
February marks the month of love with Valentine’s Day right around the corner. But here’s what I wonder…
Why do we need a holiday to remind us to show our love for another? Shouldn’t every month, no wait, every day be a day of love? Love for others and most importantly love for ourselves.
I promise I’m not going to go all Kumbaya on you, break out my old tie-dyed t-shirts and suggest we all have a love-in. I would, however, like to challenge everyone to share a little love every day, not just with others, but most importantly with yourself.
I want to thank one of my subscribers, Judy for triggering my questions and the idea of the daily self-love challenge, as she sent me the following…
“I ended an 8 year relationship in Oct 2014 - so over a year ago. I very much want to be dating - hopeful to find another committed relationship in the future. I am older - 50 - ugh. Tried online dating for 6 months last May. Initially found it very fun but then it just got weird and I wasn't having any good luck. I quit in November. I am a bit of a homebody these days. Friends all coupled off so it is tough. The voice in my head keeps telling me I am unattractive, unlovable, etc. I don't want the voice to win.
How do I fight the belief that I am unlovable and unattractive so that I can pursue dating - but it feels like that is the way men see me?” Judy
Judy, please know you’re not alone with your feelings and thoughts. As a matter of fact your question reminded me of my own adventures with dating. Trust me when I tell you, I had similar feelings. I actually used to say some pretty heinous things to myself. For example, “I’m fat. Who’s going to want this blob.”…as I’d poke my middle. OR “Check out those bags under my eyes. I look old. No one’s going to want me like this.”
Then came the proverbial 2x4 that hit me upside the head…
If I see myself as unattractive and unlovable why would anyone else see me any differently?
The old stories we carry and the limiting beliefs we hold near and dear have an impact on what we project to the world. This why I’m a firm believer that it’s important to have a true love affair with ourselves, before we try to have one with someone else.
I’m not going to lie and say that having a love affair with ourselves is an easy concept to incorporate, particularly when negative thoughts have been our main go to. BUT here’s the good news, it is completely possible and totally doable. The key is consistent and conscious effort.
Practicing self-love on a daily basis helps to not only quiet those negative voices, but it shifts our perceptions of ourselves, and ultimately how we show up in the world (a.k.a how others see us).
So, I’d like to offer just a few self-love ideas to get this self-love challenge started:
When you catch yourself saying something negative about yourself, stop right then and there. Even if you can’t think of something nice to say about yourself to negate the negative, shift your thoughts elsewhere. For example, “I forgot how comfortable these shoes are.” The objective is to switch your focus from the negative to a positive in order to retrain the brain.
Afforemations. Instead of using affirmations, try using an afforemation. A concept introduced by Noah St. John the author of “The Book of Afformations”. Unlike affirmations, it’s not something that you have to force the brain to think and accept. Instead, it’s just a simple question you ask yourself. How can a simple question help shift a perception? Your brain is a super sleuth and will do its part in coming up with answers to your question. For example, try asking yourself, “Why am I so lovable?” and see what happens.
You time. In order for the love to flow, it’s important to spend time hanging out with yourself. Take yourself to lunch or to a movie. Enjoy quality time with you. In doing so, you get a chance to be yourself without any outside pressure or influence.
Pamper, pamper, pamper. Nice lotion after a shower. Bubble baths. A little ‘do it yourself’ mani/pedi. Anytime you do something nice for you, you’re giving your psyche the message that your worth the attention.
Celebrate you. Take some time to notice the good things you do and then make it a point to celebrate. Give yourself some props, like a pat on the back, journal about it, or treat yourself to something nice. Celebrating you for who you are is not only a great way to increase the positive energy, but it’s also an awesome way to focus your attention on the positive things you do.
Try and remember, that there is no such thing as rejection. So if a date goes South, just know that, that’s the Universe’s way of protecting you from someone that isn’t a good fit, so you have the space for someone that is a good fit.
Get plenty of rest. Our itty-bitty shitty committee (the internal voice) is so much louder when we are lacking in sleep.
It’s time for a bit of self-love, my friends. When we practice the art of self-love, we not only attract love into our lives, but we teach others how we wish to be treated.
Who’s up for the self-love challenge? If you are, please share below the ways in which you will be sharing some love with yourself every day? I dare ya!
Judy, thank you again for your great question!! I hope you have the greatest love affair of all…the one you have with you.
Much love and light to you all….