How often have you looked to others for a sign, any sign, that you were OK?
How often have you sought the approval of someone else?
I'm raising my hand really high in the air right now. I've looked to others for that reassurance that I'm worthy. I've even taken the passive - aggressive approach to gaining a compliment. Yep, I admit saying things like, "I looked in the mirror today and thought 'When did the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man inhibit my body'?" <Cue space for a compliment.>
While I'm not interested in playing the blame game, the reality is that we've been conditioned to look outward for validation of who we are and of our own self-worth. We've been taught to keep up with the Joneses in order to "fit in". We've been led to believe that outward appearances make the woman or man and signify "coolness". It's true. Just look at any magazine. It's modeled for us by not only the media, but even by those in our circle of influence.
We work hard to earn that outward validation so that we feel better about who we are, but for some reason it's not enough. It's NEVER enough and the impact never lasts very long. Why is that?
Because that outward validation and acknowledgement is just the icing and icing needs to have a place to rest in order for it to stick. It needs CAKE!
This was a tough one for me to learn and it took some changing. (Good changing!) In order for me to become my own cake I had to (and still have to):
I'm not going to lie, old habits die hard so this is something I continually work on. The really cool thing is I've got the tools and the ingredients to support me in being my own cake and I'm not afraid to use them.
My friends, so here's some questions for you...
What will (or does) it take for you to be your own cake?
What does it mean to be your own cake? (What's your definition?)
Here's to being your own cake so that other people's compliments are just the icing!
About this blog
This is the place where I share my personal journey, insights, ideas, and a-ha moments helping me to mute my own inner critic. It is my hope you find what you need to mute your own.