Have you ever felt like you wanted to scream at the top of your lungs and for no apparent reason?
That’s how I was feeling the past few weeks, like screaming. Not just your ordinary scream, but your blood-curdling, hair on fire type of scream. You know the one; the one that feels like it would scare the birds from the trees and shatter the windows.
To say I didn’t know why I wanted to scream would have been somewhat far-fetched. I knew why.
I wanted to scream because I was tired. I was flat out emotionally tired.
I was tired of worrying. Worrying that I wouldn’t fill some programs. Worrying about taxes. Worrying whether my son would have a good 21st birthday. Worrying that I’d be good enough to be in an Olympic Weightlifting class that I was signing up for. Worrying. Worrying. Worrying. If it could be worried about, I worried.
Funny too, I knew better then to worry. I knew logically that worry does nothing, but pull my energy down. Even though I knew better, that didn’t mean I worried less.
I was tired of the negativity. Whether it was gossip, or someone else’s shit day spilling into mine there was some major negativity swirling around. Truthfully, I was in the center of that negativity, stirring up some of my own with my crapola attitude.
I was tired of feeling stuck. I knew that there was more out there for me to be doing, but felt like I was lacking the flow to go, to move, to create, to take action. Instead I was forcing things to happen.
Lastly, and probably most surprisingly, I was tired of me. Not tired of being me, I was just sick and tired of how I was showing up. Disconnected. Moody and Broody.
PUTTING THE FIRE OUT
This feeling of wanting to scream like my hair was on fire was a telltale sign that I needed to participate in some good old fashion self-care. To stop ignoring the obvious and start reconnecting with me and recharging my battery. So here’s what I’ve been doing…
Making myself a priority (not to be confused with self-centeredness). Saying “no” when I need and want to. Paying attention to my needs and wants, remembering that I’m responsible for my own-well being. No one else is and I’m not responsible for theirs either.
Journaling. Yep, I dropped my journaling “ritual” over the past few weeks and so I’ve picked it up again. Journaling my thoughts and feelings has always helped to move some major energy around, not to mention helped me to create some cool insight. (Note to self: Don’t let this ritual slide.)
Got a massage, which I hadn’t had in some time. It helps that my honey is a massage therapist and gives the best massages in the world. (Note to self: get massages more regularly.)
Stop forcing. I’ve only been working on things that I’ve felt inspired to work on. I know that the other things will get done, so I don’t have to force. Besides anytime I force anything, it comes out sounding forced. Not cool!
So, my friends I ask you, how do you know when your hair is about to go up in flames? What do you do to put out the flames or better yet, prevent them?
Until next time, I send you much peace and a fire extinguisher if needed.