Becoming a “magnet for miracles”
“Knowing your “why” is the key to fulfillment. When you are clear about it, your intention will then be a magnet for miracles.”
I recall a time in the not too distant past where I was unsettled, unfilled, unhappy, and just plain tired. Tired of my life the way that it was. I was chasing my tail, eating my feelings literally and metaphorically. I was living off of credit cards to make ends meet, doing odd jobs that were just that, odd and not fulfilling. I was not only miserable, but I was desperate.
It was not what I had envisioned for myself when I graduated from college many years prior. I envisioned a life filled with direction, purpose, fulfillment, and fun.
If you had asked me what my purpose (my ‘why’) was I would have furrowed my forehead and said, “My purpose? What purpose?”
I didn’t have a frickin’ clue what my purpose was. Not one clue. I was sure that other people had one, but somehow I must have been absent on the day that purposes were being handed out.
Here’s the reality... my purpose, my ‘why”, had been with me forever. I just didn’t see it. I didn’t see it because I was too busy burying myself under the “should dos”, others’ expectations of me and for me, and my own fear.
I was stuck on a hamster wheel of uncertainty and directionless. Going round and round until one day I broke. I just flat out broke.
Actually I didn’t break, I just broke down in the middle of the restroom of a busy restaurant. Sobbing my eyes out, feeling like a complete and total loser.
It was that day that something snapped. Not an “I’m crazy” kind of snap…more like a “wake up and smell the coffee” snap. It was that day that I woke up and started to pay attention to all the signs and signals I was being given. Signs and signals that would point me in the direction of my true North…my “why”.
I followed those signs and signals (FINALLY!). I answered some pretty tough questions, I explored (with the help of my own coach), I dug out from all the “shoulds” and others’ expectations and that’s when I found it…
My “why”! My amazing, beautiful, exciting, fulfilling “WHY”!!
And with my “why” came the miracles…the miracle of using my “why” to create my dream career, a loving, beautiful home, and to finding my person (the love of my life).
No more hamster wheel. No more living off of credit cards, no more feeling like a total loser!
BECOMING A MAGNET FOR MIRACLES
It’s so easy for all of us at any point in our lives to get stuck on that hamster wheel. The good news is we don’t have to stay there. We can get off that wheel with our “why”.
Are you ready to get off that wheel or prevent yourself from ever getting back on it?
If the answer is “yes” I invite you to participate in a little challenge.
Here’s how this challenge is going to work. For the next 14 days, with a piece of paper or journal in hand, answer the following questions. But here’s the kicker, please do not edit yourself or overthink…just write. Even if you start out by writing, “ I don’t know the answer” over and over until more comes up for you. Let whatever is coming up to come out on that page.
To make it a bit easier, I’ve created a nifty little graphic (see below) that you can save (by right clicking on it) or you’re welcome to bookmark this page and revisit it each day. Whatever works best for you.
Are you ready?
Let the challenge and the miracles begin….
Day 1: What are your top three values and why? (Need help discovering your values? Listen to this recording.)
Day 2: What’s your favorite thing to do on a weekend?
Day 3: What is your favorite word and why?
Day 4: What are your strengths?
Day 5: What’s your greatest asset?
Day 6: What do you want to be remembered for?
Day 7: What makes you feel most at peace or in the flow?
Day 8: What did you want to be when you grew up?
Day 9: What kinds of books or movies do you like most?
Day 10: If money & time were of no object, what would you do?
Day 11: What three words best describe you and why?
Day 12: As a kid, what was your favorite thing to do?
Day 13: What commonalities do you find in your journal entries?
Day 14: What's your “why”?
If you’re still struggling to figure out your “why”, not to worry…I’ve got your back. I’m here and I’m listening. Feel free to post your questions or get in touch.
My deepest wish for all of us is to know and connect with our “why” on a daily basis so fulfillment and miracles are not something we just read about or dream of, but something we actually experience!
Until next time, I’m sending you much love and light from my open heart to yours…
Simple ways to challenge your own status quo
Imagine being in a job or a profession that no longer excites you or maybe it never did. You get up. Get dressed. Pour yourself some coffee. Go to work. Finish work. Have dinner. Go to bed. Rinse and repeat day-after-day, month-after-month, and year-after-year.
It’s a comfortable gig. It’s a known gig.
Welcome to complacency.
It happens in business. It happens in the workplace. It happens in our relationships. It happens in our day-to-day. It settles into our lives and we unknowingly welcome it.
We get comfy and cozy with the way things are. Comfy enough that not even the feeling of lackluster could shake us from the grips of complacency.
“The tragedy of life is often not in our failure, but rather in our complacency; not in our doing too much, but rather in our doing too little; not in our living above our ability, but rather in our living below our capacities.” - Benjamin E. Mays
My friends, I don’t believe that any of us was born to live “below our capacities”. We just sometimes do and we’re just sometimes unaware.
To bring on the awareness… I’m challenging all of us to consider the areas of our lives where we’re “living below our capacities”. Where we’ve allowed complacency to settle in and take root.
SIGNS OF COMPLACENCY
Since complacency can creep in silently and take over, here are a few signs to look out for.
Are any of those signs present? If so, here are some simple tips we can use to shake things up. Complacency hates a good shake up!
OVERTHROWING COMPLACENCY AND THE STATUS QUO
“I'm not interested in preserving the status quo; I want to overthrow it.
To overthrow complacency…
Lets get our creative on. Color. Draw. Write. Paint pottery. Cook….whatever strikes our creative fancy. Getting creative helps to move us beyond complacency.
Try something new; a new route, restaurant, food, hairstyle, pen color, or outfit. Nothing gives complacency a run for its money then by introducing something new.
Say “yes, and” instead of “yes, but”. “Yes buts” are followed by excuses, whereas “yes ands” are followed by options. Options are awesome complacency squashers.
Not going it alone. Asking someone we trust to call us out when we’re settling or showing signs of complacency.
Engage our values because when we do things connected to our values we aren’t in danger of getting stuck in a complacent place.
Take a page from a child’s book and stay curious and open to the potentials.
Now imagine your world without complacency. What would be possible?
Whatever we do let’s make a pact to give complacency a run for its money... because we definitely deserve to live way above our capacity.
Just know you don’t have to challenge complacency alone. I’m here and I’m listening.
As always, I’m sending you much love and light from my open heart to yours…
Tips for saying “no” with more ease
“No, I can’t right now.”
“No, I’m not interested.”
“No, that doesn’t work for me.”
Saying “no” has never been easy for me. To this very day my “people pleasing, don’t want to piss anyone off,” alter ego and her sidekick FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) appear every time I need or want to say “no”.
I’ll admit, while I’ve come a long way (and I mean a long way) I still have some work to do before I’ll consider myself a master at saying “no”. But there’s great hope.
Most recently I saw the light at the end of the proverbial “no” tunnel. And that light leads to a road where saying “no” comes with no guilt, stomach knots, or the fear of missing out (FOMO).
Sound good? Keep reading.
THE ROAD TO MASTERY
I was once told that the Universe puts in front of us what we have yet to master. Once we have gained mastery that lesson is finished, no longer to be seen again.
I was reminded of this during a coaching call with a client. This client had no issues saying “no”. After years of practice they found something that worked. Something that gave the mastery nod to the Universe, letting the Big U know that they figured it out.
I was in awe of their mastery and how easy they made it sound. (Not to mention a tad envious.) No guilt. No fuss. No muss. No hurt feelings. No FOMO, just the ability to say “no” with confidence.
I listened with ears like a sponge. Soaking up every tidbit of information until it all made perfect sense. As the road to mastery began to unfold this is what I came away with…
The first step on the road to mastering the art of saying “no” is discerning the “want to” versus “obligation” factor of any situation. And the very best way to do that is to ask some questions. For example;
Am I saying “yes” to this because I feel I have to?
Do I really want to say “no”?
Is this something I really want to do, but can’t do at this time?
If it’s a “want to” but the timing is off there are ways to say “no” without closing the door. This is the next step, creatively saying “no” with alternatives.
“I’m sorry I’m not available to do that on the 21st, but I do have space in my calendar the following week.”
“I’d love to help with the newsletter. I can write some content, but I can’t do the formatting. Have you checked with Jim? He’s great at formatting.”
“The party sounds like fun, but unfortunately I’m already booked for that night. I’d love to attend the next party, so please keep me in mind.”
FOMO AND ALTERNATIVE REJECTION
What if alternatives don’t work for the other party and there’s no room for compromise? What if Sidekick FOMO comes out to play?
OK, this part I’ve got mastered and here’s my secret weapon for dealing with FOMO, as well as the alternative rejection.
I remind myself that there’s no such thing as rejection. I remind myself that rejection is just the Universe’s way of protecting my time and energy from something that’s not a good fit. So by creatively saying “no” I’ve created the space and the time for something that’s a better fit. I’ve also let it be known that I’m open to the possibilities, but at a time and under circumstances that work for all parties involved.
You know what? Something better always comes along.
WHAT ABOUT THE OBLIGATION FACTOR?
This is where the rubber truly meets the road; feeling like we SHOULD say “yes”. “Should” is a great indicator that we’re feeling obligated to do something. Saying “yes” out of obligation leads to hurt feelings, resentment, lack of time, frustration, half-assed efforts, etc.
Any time I’ve said “yes” out of obligation I’m left dealing with the resentment that comes as result… resentment towards the situation, towards the person asking, towards myself for not saying “no”. It’s ugly and unfair to all parties involved. I know I’d really hate it if someone said “yes” to me not because they wanted to, but because they felt they had to.
This is where the other step comes in; the step of less is more.
Saying “no” without explaining it away.
I know from past experience when I’ve explained my reasoning for saying “no”, I’ve usually managed to dig myself into a hole, making myself sound guilty of doing something wrong. I’ve discounted my good reasons and the other person by saying too much. It’s not the actual “no” that creates the issue; it’s the feeling of having to explain myself...that's the real issue.
Going forward on this road to mastery, I’m taking a page from my client’s book and I’m going to offer a “Thanks for asking, but I’m sorry I can’t.” Even as I typed that there was a sense of relief with no sidekicks, guilt, or fear rearing their heads.
So to recap the road to mastering the art of saying “no”…
Step 1: Discerning “want tos” from obligation
Step 2: Offering alternatives
Step 3: Less is more
Here’s to saying “no” with a bit more ease. Until next time, I’m sending you all lots of love and light from my open heart to yours.
And please don’t forget, I’m here and I’m listening.
Moving it out of the way
Fear of success
Fear of failure
Fear of loss
Fear of being hurt
Fear of being alone
Fear of being unlovable
Fear of not being good enough
We all have fears. It’s part of being a human being.
I once read (I think it was in Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear) that we’ll never be void of fear. At first I didn’t believe it. Surely there had to be a way to remove fear once and for all. Some rigorous exercise for eradication, perhaps… so we could live fear-free lives??
I recall a time in my life when I had so many fears that if someone told me to try a Linda Blair style exorcism, I would have.
The reality is, similar to negative thoughts, fear happens. And just like negative thoughts, it’s not the fear that’s the issue. It’s what we do with it or better yet, what we allow it to do with/to us… that’s the real issue.
But my friends, there’s a silver lining in that dark fear cloud. While we may never be void of it, there are definitely things we can do to deal with it, to stand up to it, to move it out of the way or barrel through it.
SOME COOL FEAR FACTOIDS
I think it was Francis Bacon who once said, “Knowledge is power.” He was right. When it comes to fear, the more knowledge we have the more powerful we become.
Here are a few cool fear factoids (some taken from the e-course The Insider’s Guide to Dealing With Fear) to arm you with a bit more power.
Fear doesn’t ever really need to be in control or in the driver’s seat. We choose to place it there in how we deal or don’t deal with it.
Fear doesn’t live in the present moment. Nope, it lives in the future and in past, but mostly in the future.
When we shine a light on fear it diminishes. I once heard this great analogy that fear is like bacteria. If kept in the dark it will grow and grow, but if we bring it into the light it dies.
Fear serves a purpose. It keeps us safe from harm or toxic situations. It also validates the importance of something in our lives. Say, for example, we have a fear of failing at a job or on a project. That fear is letting us know that whatever we’re doing is important, important enough to not fail.
I apologize for my redundancy, but this is key and worth repeating…it’s not the fear that is our real issue. It’s what we choose to do when the fear appears that can become the issue.
THOSE TESTED STRATEGIES
Sure we could let fear knock us over, talk us out of going for that promotion, shut us down, or make us run in the opposite direction of something really awesome. OR we could arm ourselves with the following tested strategies to deal with the fear.
(Yep, they’ve been thoroughly tested. I personally use them and I use them with clients …they’ve got a successful track record.)
STRATEGY #1: Forgetting Everything’s All Right
For the life of me I can’t remember where I heard that F.E.A.R = Forgetting Everything’s All Right, but I gotta say… when I remind myself that everything really is all right the fear loosens its grip. It then triggers the realization that regardless of what has scared me in the past, I’ve always managed to make it through and come out the other side.
Give it a whirl the next time fear hits. It’s really as simple as saying, “I’m forgetting that everything’s all right.”
STRATEGY #2: Present Moment.
Remember when I shared that fear doesn’t live in the present moment? It’s true. Most of the things we fear are future-based, which causes us to worry about what has yet to happen or may never happen. Viola, we have just been transported from our current time and space to some place in the future.
Focusing in on our breathing is a great way to get present. Quick, easy, and can be done anywhere without drawing the attention of passers-by.
If we’re alone we can take a scan of our surroundings and share out loud what we’re most grateful for. “I’m grateful for the carpet under my feet, the light streaming through the window…”
Since the brain can’t think positive thoughts and negative thoughts at the same time, this little gratitude exercise pushes fear out of the way and pulls us into the present moment.
STRATEGY #3: Talk It Out
What better way to shine a light on fear and diminish it, then to talk it out with someone we trust? I always find talking about the fear helps me, not only to uncover what it’s trying to tell me, but it’s also empowering to know that I’m not alone.
STRATEGY #4: Then What? (One of the powerful exercises used in the e-course The Insider’s Guide to Dealing With Fear)
Pick one fear and then with that fear in mind answer this question, “What would happen if what you fear actually happened?”
Let whatever is coming up come out. Let’s not censor ourselves here because we’re not being judged or graded, I promise.
Now answer this question, ”Then what?”
Again, let whatever is coming up to come out.
And then answer this question, “Then what?”
The key is to keep asking “Then what?” until we run out of answers or we come up with some solutions/realizations that take the power away from the fear.
STRATEGY #5: Prove the fear wrong.
When we do something any way, regardless of the fear we prove it wrong. (As long as what we’re doing isn’t going to put us in danger or harm’s way.) When we prove fear wrong it slinks off into the sunset.
Even though we may never be void of fear completely, we are in charge. We have the power of choice on our side; do we let it stop us or do we take a stand and implement a strategy to deal with it? The choice is ALWAYS ours.
I say take a stand. Who’s with me?
Just know you're not alone. I'm hear and I'm listening.
Until next time, I’m sending you much love and light from my open heart to yours…
Simple steps for more peace and productivity
You’ve just come up with a great idea. You’re jazzed and can’t wait to share it with the world. And then without warning your excitement is hijacked and replaced with…
“Who do you think you are? You could never pull this off.”
“What if no one else thinks it’s a good idea.”
“This is just silly.”
Da, Da, Da, Daahh….enter the dreaded negative thoughts that try to stop you in your tracks.
Every single person on this planet has negative thoughts. They happen.
Hell, just this past week alone… if I had a dollar for every negative thought I’ve had there’d be at least $70+ to add to my savings account. (That breaks down to about 10 negative thoughts per day, roughly.)
The issue isn’t really the negative thoughts themselves or that we have them. It’s how we react to them.. that's the real issue.
Do we let them sit smack dab in the middle of our ideas until the air is squeezed out?
Do we allow them to be soul-squashers, confidence crushers, and dream killers?
Or do we find ways to quiet them?
WAYS TO QUIET THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
I learned a long time ago that most, if not all, of my negative thoughts comes from my ego and my ego is one loud bitch. So I used to think that if I was louder she’d slink away like a dog that had been scolded for messing on the rug.
I’d internally scream at her and tell her to shut up…. to go away and to leave me a lone.
Nope. The louder I got the louder she got.
Now, rather than waste my energy or allow her negative diatribe to run away with my personal power I do any of the following.
Learn, Lean, and Leverage. Negative thoughts hold information. They’re trying to tell us something and it’s often not what we think.
They’re not trying to tell us that we aren’t enough, (even if that’s what they’re saying) or that we can’t handle something, do something, be something.
To get beyond the negative bluster it helps to explore what they’re really trying to tell us. And to do so it helps to ask this question, “What is this negative thought trying to tell me?”
Is it trying to point out how scared we are?
Is it validating that what we're about to do is important?
Once we know the source of the negative thought then we really lean into it by exploring our options. It’s those options that we leverage and use.
For example, if the source of my negative thought is fear of failing at something that’s important to me I’ll start making a list of options to deal with the fear of failing like…
- I could quit. (Not really an option for me, but I list whatever comes up.)
- I could break down my objective into tiny steps and begin with the easiest step first.
- I could ask for help, etc.
Once I have brainstormed all my options I pick one and do it.
Choice. One way to quiet the negative thoughts is to ask the question, “What do I choose?” and then allow those choices to just flow. Here’s the thing, we always have choice in any given situation or circumstance. We can choose to listen to our negative thoughts and allow them to derail us or we can choose to focus our energy and attention on something else.
The act of choosing helps us to take our personal power back from that negative thought and silences it.
Why Questions. When our negative thoughts are telling us bold–face lies it helps to combat those lies with believable questions that begin with “why”.
For example, there are times when my negative thoughts (ego) have me questioning my work in the world. They say things like,
“You can’t do this.”
“You’ll always play small, because that’s the only way you know how to play.”
“You’ll never make it.”
Umm…you’d think after 12+ years of doing my work in the world my ego would get the hint, right? Not a chance.
Instead of choosing to let my ego make me feel like crap I counter with this question, “Why am I the most sought after transformation specialist in the country?”
It’s not my job to answer the question, just to ask the question and let my brain look for evidence. I learned this from Noah St. John who calls this cool method “Afforemations" (not to be confused with affirmations).
We might think that asking such a question would lead to more negative thoughts but here’s the deal-o and the key…
When we craft believable questions that create a sense of excitement, the negative thoughts don’t stand a chance. So to recap…
Focus Shifting. Yep, shifting our focus on to something else. This is not where I ask us to use an affirmation or to tell ourselves just the opposite of what our negative thought is telling us. Nope.
All I’m asking is that we shift our focus on to what’s around us.
I like to use my senses to do this. What am I feeling on my skin right now? What am I tasting? What am I hearing? What am I seeing?
And to change things up I also use some good old gratitude to drown out my negative thoughts. For example, I’m so grateful for the comfy chair I’m sitting on or the soft t-shirt I’m wearing.
When there’s a focus shift, there’s no room for negative thoughts.
Breathe. Speaking of focus shifts, this little exercise helps us to focus our attention away from the negative thoughts and on to our breathing. (Just as an aside, negative thoughts and fear hate breath work.)
I love using what I call the 4,4,&4 Breathing Technique. Take a deep breath to the count of four. Exhale to a count of four. Repeat four times. That’s it. Easy.
Now imagine coming up with that amazing idea, but instead of allowing the negative thoughts to hijack the excitement you pull from your arsenal of negative thought quieting tools. Imagine those negative thoughts slinking off with their tail between their legs.
As a final thought... We’re so much bigger and stronger than anything that comes from the three-pound organ that sits on top of our shoulders. Negative thoughts have nothing on us! NOTHING!
As always, I’m here and I’m listening.
Until next time, from my open-heart to yours, I’m sending much love and light…
A personal story
“You wear your heart on your sleeve far too much.”
Growing up I heard that more times then I care to count.
If I got picked on it was because I wore my heart on my sleeve.
If I got my feelings hurt it was because I wore my heart on my sleeve.
And living with an alcoholic parent, if I got caught up in their shit storm it was because I wore my heart on my sleeve.
I grew up learning that it wasn’t OK to share your vulnerability with the world. If you did you got hurt. If you did you’d be viewed as weak and open to be taken advantage of.
And guess what happened as a result?
When I was hurting I’d say I was fine.
When something upset me, I’d swallow the upset. I literally and figuratively ate my feelings. Gobbled them right up so as to not leave a crumb for anyone else to consume.
Ultimately I grew into an adult that painted a rosy picture for the outside world when my real, behind closed doors world was sometimes grey with dots of rose.
Here’s the thing…I’m not sharing this with you for attention, pity or to infer that I had it harder than anyone else. Lord knows there are many folks who’ve experienced struggles far greater and harder than my own.
I’m sharing this with you because if you’re hiding your heart (vulnerability) from the world, please do yourself and the world a favor and stop hiding it. It’s not too late to change course and to learn that vulnerability is a good thing.
Take it from someone who took a long ass time to learn that her own vulnerability has always been source of strength and not something to ever be ashamed of.
THE GREATEST LESSON OF ALL
The BIG, HUGE thing I’ve come to understand … all the times I hid my vulnerability I was hurting me far more than anyone else ever could. In putting on my Polly Anna face for the world I missed out on deeper connections. I denied support from others when I needed it most. Not to mention, I made it difficult for anyone to get close to me, including my own self.
I’m done with all the bullshit that comes with hiding my own vulnerability from the rest of the world. I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve no matter what. I’m displaying it proudly for everyone to see. And as a reminder to be my most vulnerable, authentic self I got this…
My first tattoo…so now I’m truly and literally wearing my heart on my sleeve.
I’m sharing my feelings, my stories, speaking my truth, and showing up in any given situation as me (warts and all). It’s been a process, one made up of baby steps, but it’s one that I’m committed to.
WHAT‘S GAINED FROM WEARING MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE
Brené Brown shared in her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead the following…
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
She is so right!! In addition to all of that, I’ve also gained…
Freedom from having to keep up appearances. No more painting pictures that don’t fit the reality. The person you’re getting in word and action is the real me.
Acceptance from people who fit with me instead of me being someone I’m not in order to fit with them.
Connection. Since we connect with others from our heart, it makes perfect sense that in being vulnerable with others I’m connecting on a deeper level.
So my friends, if you’ve been hiding your heart (vulnerability) I invite you to share it with the world. Share it proudly. Share it boldly. Share it knowing that what you will gain in return is something truly amazing!
There is absolutely no shame in wearing your heart on your sleeve! What are you waiting for?
You’re not alone. (If I can be of support, please reach out.)
From my transparent, open heart to yours…much love and light to you...
How to use them to get back into the flow
You’re in the zone, everything’s flowing and then all of the sudden, BAM! Things come to a pace that’s slower than a snail or worse, they come to a complete stop.
WTH?! What happened to the mojo?
It didn’t disappear never to be seen again. I promise. It just took a bit of a break.
All relationships ebb and flow. Each one has periods where things feel in sync and other times when they don’t.
If you’re an entrepreneur, you’ll definitely experience the ebb and flow where business is booming and then it slows down for a bit.
Even day-to-day life ebbs and flows. Some days we have more energy and some days we don’t.
EBBS SERVE A PURPOSE
It may not feel like it, but ebbs are a good thing. They provide us with the space and time to learn, to evolve, to reflect, and to gain energy.
And while it’s perfectly natural to want to do something to force the ebb to end, that’s often the worst thing we can do. I’ll explain what I mean using my own real life example.
There was a time when I would take the slowing down of my business personally. What was I doing wrong? Why wasn’t I gaining new clients?
I tried different things to get the business mojo flowing again…instead of trusting that what had worked prior to the ebb was still working.
As I result of trying to force my way out of the ebb I put content out into the world that wasn’t truly me, because it was rushed. I even lowered my already low rates in hopes that it would bring more clients in the door. Even worse, I disconnected from my purpose of why I became a coach. Instead my focus shifted and became about the number of people I was coaching. (Oh hell no!!! That wasn’t cool. My clients were & are people, not numbers!!)
I drove myself nuts.
Self-deprecation hit an all time high because surely I wasn’t doing enough OR I wasn’t good enough. From the self-deprecation came even more desperation. (SIDE NOTE: Desperation is a repellant, which only serves to prolong the ebb.) I was trying too hard and the end result was no new business and lowered self-confidence.
It was ugly!!
Now when the ebb hits, instead of allowing it to get ugly, I use the ebb to my advantage. The end result is a more creative, energized me which is a benefit to everyone, not just my business.
3 Rs OF EBBING
We can’t force the tide to come to the shoreline. The same is true with our own energy, creativity, connection, etc. BUT there are some things we can do when the ebb sets in… things that will help us to make it through, keeping our sanity and self-confidence intact.
Rest. Instead of forcing or pushing our way through the ebb, while I know it may feel counterintuitive, we can take the ebb as a time to rest and recharge our batteries. That equates to more energy for when the flow re-enters the scene.
Regroup. An ebb is a great time to gather ourselves together. Maybe we were running at breakneck speed prior to the ebb. Maybe self-deprecation has reached an all time high. We can use the ebb to get our own shit together so that our heads are going in the right direction.
Re-evaluate. An ebb is also an awesome time to take inventory…inventory of our relationships, life in general, our businesses and careers. What’s working? What’s not working that needs to be tweaked?
Working with the 3 Rs during an ebb helps us to leverage the ebb time and focus on something other than the ebb. Then before we know it the ebb becomes a distant memory.
Doesn’t that sound better than driving ourselves crazy nuts trying to get the ebb to end?
The next time you’re experiencing an ebb, imagine using the 3 Rs instead of force. No more self-deprecation. No more desperation. Just resting, regrouping and re-evaluating.
Sound impossible? It’s not. Give the 3 Rs a go and see what happens because at the end of the day, that ebb really has nothing on you!
Until next time, from my open-heart to yours...
Here's how to fix that
Imagine you’re a loose thread tossed into the wind. As you spiral up and down, around and around you find it difficult to gain a sense of the direction you’re headed in.
Where will you land? Will it be a soft landing or will you wind up tangled someplace?
That feeling of being a loose thread is not an uncommon one, particularly when we’re going through a transition, feeling stuck, or just feeling disconnected from ourselves and the world around us.
When I’m not feeling grounded it’s hard to focus and be present. I’m all over the place, not sure if I’m coming or going. Chaos becomes my sidekick, as opposed to Peace and I feel like I just want to come out of my skin.
Does that sound familiar?
“Get yourself grounded and you can navigate even the stormiest roads in peace.” – Steve Goodier
POWERFUL QUESTIONS FOR GROUNDING
Something that helps us become more grounded and less disconnected is being asked a few thought-provoking questions. Here’s why; when we work on answering those questions we re-engage with ourselves and with the present moment. Not to mention we create some cool awareness that we can use to move us from that stuck disconnected state to that more grounded and intentional place.
With that in mind, here are just a few powerful questions to try on for size…(CAVEAT: It’s important not to overthink or judge the answers, just allow whatever is coming up to come out.)
If money and time weren’t a factor, what would you be doing right now?
If you were granted three wishes that were just for you what would you wish for?
What is your greatest asset?
Think of your favorite quote, what makes it your favorite?
What is the greatest challenge you have ever overcome?
What helped you to overcome that challenge?
What’s one topic/interest that truly lights a fire for you?
And it doesn’t have to stop with the questions….
With answers in hand, read over them and look for any commonalities, themes, and learning opportunities. #themoreyouknow
Because the more we know, the more grounded we become.
NOT GOING IT ALONE
I never ask anyone to do anything that I haven’t done myself or wouldn’t be willing to do. This post is no exception to that rule. Even though I’m feeling pretty grounded right now, I’m always game to answer questions so here goes…
If money and time weren’t a factor, what would you be doing right now?
No joke, I’d be doing what I’m doing now, writing, coaching, intuitive readings and course creation. I love what I do. The only thing I would add is doing more public speaking and traveling the world.
If you were granted three wishes that were just for you what would you wish for?
If I was granted three wishes I’d ask for…
Holy shit this is a hard question to answer. Of course I want world peace and the end of all suffering, but I know, I know… the wishes have to be just for me. Hmmmm….OK…
While it was hard to answer at first, it was actually a fun question to answer.
What is your greatest asset?
This is easy to answer. Hands down it would be my heart because that is where I create from, that is where I coach from and that is where I receive many of my intuitive hits.
Think of your favorite quote, what makes it your favorite?
I’m a quote junkie so picking just one is a huge challenge for me. I think I’ll go with the most current quote that I’ve fallen in love with…
“I’m mostly peace, love, and light… and a little go fuck yourself.” Unknown
It’s one of my favorites because the older I get the less I care about what others think of me. I’m going to share my peace, my love, and my light in the best way I know how, knowing that there will always be someone (or many someones) who thinks I’m weird, doing it wrong, full of crap, etc. and that’s OK. They are absolutely entitled to their own opinion, but I don’t have to buy into that opinion.
What is the greatest challenge you have ever overcome?
Trying to be someone I’m not in order to fit in.
What helped you to overcome that challenge?
What helped was getting up close and personal to my own values, to what makes me, me. Once I was clear on what made me tick, then I could use my values as the gauge for things that fit with me and not the other way around, i.e. relationships, my work in the world. That is truly when I stopped morphing.
What’s one topic/interest that truly lights a fire for you?
I would have to say intuitive development. I love learning new ways to connect with my own intuitive guidance. It’s a big part of who I am and my work in this world. It has not only provided me with unbelievable insight into my own path, relationships, my career, etc. but it has done the same for others. I’ve gained not only peace of mind, but also a sense of grounded-ness from being connected to that intuitive guidance.
Now it’s your turn. Even if you aren’t feeling disconnected have some fun with these questions because you never know what cool insight you’ll gain.
Until next time, I’m sending you all much love and light…
P.S. If you care to share your answers, please do! We’d love to read them.
Do you strike that match or not?
You’ve probably heard it said many times, “Never burn a bridge. You may need to cross over it again.”
We all have those bridges that we struggle with. Those bridges that lead to upset or even nowhere, but yet we can’t seem to strike a match.
We can’t because we feel bad. We can’t because we second-guess our own gut instincts. We can’t because we’re afraid of the consequences.
What if we need to cross that bridge again? What if we regret burning it later?
“Stop telling me not to burn bridges. Some bridges are meant to be burned; some roads are never meant to be traveled again.”
― Steve Maraboli
Does that quote hit you like a sucker punch to the gut? Does fear rise up in your chest until it stops in your throat cutting off your air supply? Or does it empower you, giving you the courage to set some bridges ablaze?
I’ve been thinking about this topic quite a bit lately, as I’ve watched someone I know burn some major bridges. Bridges that they’re trying to cross again but can’t because they’re not there anymore.
It made me think about the bridges I’ve burned, for example, bridges to toxic relationships. They were bridges that lasted far longer than they should have. And hindsight being what it is, I’m not even sure why I took so damned long to strike the match…because once I did I was relieved. (Pretty telling, huh?)
I think that’s the hardest part to burning any bridge is actually making the decision to do so.
BURN BABY, BURN
If you struggle with bridge burning, please do yourself a huge favor and consider the cost of keeping that bridge open for travel.
What is it costing you?
Is it costing you your heart, your self-confidence, your well-being, your energy?
Does the cost out weight what you receive in return?
What will you gain if you burn the bridge?
I wish someone had asked me those questions when I was agonizing over some of my bridges. I also wish someone had said this to me;
“Value you enough and trust that you will make the right decision.”
My friends, I say that to you.
If there are bridges in your life that are leading to nowhere…Bridges that are costing you a great deal to travel on... value you enough and trust that you will make the right decision.
I know it’s scary so please know that you’re not alone. I am here, ready and able to support.
The reality is, there are some bridges that need to be set on fire, never to be crossed again. And while it may not be easy, in the long run burning ones that lead to pain and upset creates space for new bridges to be built...bridges that lead to more positive places and people.
Just know that I'm sending much love and light, as always...
You walk into the party filled with strangers and it feels as if all eyes are upon you. Everyone is chatting and laughing away. You feel different.
Your heart begins to race. Your breathing becomes shallow and your first inclination is to turn around and run. You don’t because you don’t want to call more attention to yourself or be rude. But the urge to leave is real.
Your internal naysayer starts to chime in. “You won’t have anything to say. What if you say something really stupid? No one is going to want to hang out with you. You’re like a fish out of water and you’re going to look really silly here.”
A thought of being curled up on your sofa in the sweet sanctity of your own home rushes your brain. You scan the room looking for a safe place to plant yourself, a place where you can quietly observe and avoid any casual chitchat.
Does this sound familiar?
If you’re an introvert like me it probably does. Put me in front of a room of hundreds to give a presentation or workshop and I’m pumped. Take me to a party where I don’t know anyone and I literally feel myself shrink, as if I’m trying to curl up into myself.
To my sister and brother introverts, if you’ve ever felt ashamed of your own introversion, like some freak of nature, this post and the following quotes are for you. May you find great comfort in them.
To all my extroverted friends and readers who know and love an introvert, I hope the quotes provide you with some additional insight that’ll help you to love your introverts even more.
“If you are an introvert, you are born with a temperament that craves to be alone, delights in meaningful connections, thinks before speaking and observes before approaching. If you are an introvert, you thrive in the inner sanctuary of the mind, heart and spirit, but shrink in the external world of noise, drama and chaos. As an introvert, you are sensitive, perceptive, gentle and reflective. You prefer to operate behind the scenes, preserve your precious energy and influence the world in a quiet, but powerful way.”
- Aletheia Luna, Quiet Strength: Embracing, Empowering and Honoring Yourself as an Introvert
Thoughts: YES! YES! YES! There’s nothing at all wrong with…
…thinking before speaking.
…striving for quality over quantity when it comes to connections.
…being sensitive, perceptive, gentle and reflective.
…wanting to influence the world in a quiet, but powerful way.
When we are at a party we are often the quiet observer. We aren’t standing in judgment, analyzing the people at the party. What we are doing is taking it all in so that when we share, we are sharing from a place of authenticity.
“I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel.”
- Audrey Hepburn
Thoughts: As introverts we may need a little more down time than others do, particularly after social events, presentations, big gathers, etc. There’s absolutely no harm in that. The only harm is when we don’t take the time we need to refuel.
To those who love us, please do not take our need for alone time as a slight. We just want to make sure you’re getting the best version of us and not some fried and cranky critter.
“Don’t underestimate me because I’m quiet. I know more than I say, think more than I speak and observe more than you know.”
- Michaela Chung
Thoughts: As introverts it’s not uncommon to take it all in, our surroundings, the people, the energy, etc. We aren’t tuning out, uninterested, being shy or trying to be rude. We’re just collecting information to share when the time is right to do so.
“Introverts crave meaning so party chitchat feels like sandpaper to our psyche.”
Thoughts: We love to get to know people at a deeper level. We like conversations that make us think or that help us to learn. While there’s nothing wrong with surface level conversations, they just aren’t in our wheelhouse.
Speaking of surface level…
“Let’s clear one thing up: Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.”
- Laurie Helgoe
Thoughts: This quote reminds me of all the times I’ve been accused of being a “stand-offish bitch” because I’m uncomfortable with small talk. I love people, as do my introverted friends and clients.
It goes back to the previous quote; we just love a meaningful conversation…that’s all.
“Blessed are those who do not fear solitude, who are not afraid of their own company, who are not always desperately looking for something to do, something to amuse themselves with, something to judge.”
- Paulo Coelho
Thoughts: We sometimes do our best thinking and creating when we’re enjoying the solitude of our own company. This in no way means we need or want to become hermits. Nor does it mean that we don’t want to spend time with those we love and care about.
“Accept everything about yourself–I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end–no apologies, no regrets.”
- Clark Moustakas
Thoughts: OK, so maybe this quote doesn’t really have to do with being an introvert. It’s just important to remember that there’s no need to apologize for being a bit quieter than others in some social settings. There’s no need to apologize for needing that extra alone time either. We are who we are and that’s not something to be sorry for.
If those quotes didn’t make you want to hug your introverted self, I’d love to introduce you to the following famous introverts.
Sir Issac Newton
Isn’t it cool to be in such great company?
To all my fellow introverts, now imagine going to that party. You still may not like small talk, but at least you'll know that you're not some weird freak-a-zoid. Hold your head up and know this...you're an amazing, bright, insightful, thoughtful, perceptive person who just handles social situations a little bit differently.
And last, but certainly not least, to those folks that love us regardless of our introverted-ness, we thank you!
Until next time, much love and light coming your way...
The answer is in what we allow & how we treat ourselves
We teach others how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves and as Stephen Covey said what we allow.
Have you heard this before?
As an example…
Lately I’ve had some struggles in some personal relationships. Struggles where it’s felt as though my feelings, my energy, and my time were being taken advantage of.
I could place blame on others. I could say it’s just a symptom of the “good girl syndrome”, the change in weather or the phase of the moon. I could point fingers in all sorts of directions, but you know what?
I really have no one to blame, but me.
I’ve made it OK by not saying, “Now’s not a good time.” when my energy and my bandwidth has been low.
I’ve made it OK by ignoring my own need for support.
I’ve made it OK by keeping my thoughts and my feelings to myself.
While I know that I can’t control how people react or respond, there are some things I can do (and have done). Things that ensure my time, my feelings, and my energy aren’t being taken advantage of.
I’ve started with me first and foremost. I can’t expect anyone to respect my time, my energy, or my feelings if I’m not. This is not a “do as I say, not as I do” situation. Which means paying attention to what I need and what I’m feeling.
If I’m in need of support, I’m letting others know by asking for it rather than expecting them to be able to read my mind or my cues.
If I’m feeling run down I’m taking time to recharge before I commit to doing anything else.
In addition, I’m saying, “no, thank you” when I don’t have the time, when I don’t have the energy, or when I’m tempted to do something because I’m feeling obligated.
I’m also setting some boundaries around what I won’t allow in my personal relationships, such as negative, gripey type conversations (not to be confused with venting). Which also means that I’m watching my own contributions in a conversation. It’s not OK for me to gripe if I don’t want to listen to someone else do so.
CHECK IN TIME
My friends, I invite you to take inventory of how you treat yourself and how others treat you by answering these questions.
Do you respect your own feelings by not ignoring them?
Do you respect your own energy by not expending when you don’t have much?
Do you take time to recharge your battery?
Do you treat yourself well? (Based on your own definition of what that means.)
Do you ask for what you need?
Do others respect your time?
Do others respect your feelings?
Do others listen when you’re sharing your thoughts?
Do others treat you well? (Again based on your own definition of what that means.)
If you answered “no” to any of these questions, what are you teaching others based on what you allow and how you treat yourself? What needs to change starting with you?
I'm sorry (not sorry) for the barrage of questions. Hopefully they’ve helped to create some awareness and ultimately some options for change. Because at the end of the day, we truly do teach people how to treat us so let’s teach them well.
Until next time, as always I send you much love and light…
The stories we tell ourselves and how to deal with them
(WARNING: Strong language up ahead!)
I just rode my 100th Peloton ride. Why am I sharing this?
I’m sharing because what happened as a result is significant.
Right before my very first ride I did something to myself that I did once again before my 100th ride. What I did is a habit, a pattern that has been with me for as long as I can remember.
I got excited only to have that excitement squashed by my own mental mind-fuck of a story.
My first ride’s story was all about how I wasn’t fit enough to last more than 10 minutes on the bike. "Best to steer clear of the live streaming classes then, obviously. Don’t want to embarrass myself in front of the other riders."
Fast-forward to my 100th ride and the story that played out like this…
“You didn’t push the limits with every ride. Some rides were only 20 or 30 minutes. Not balls to the wall 45 or 60. You didn’t really earn this accomplishment of 100 rides!”
Yep, I was shitting all over my 100th ride accomplishment with my habitual story of “not enough”!!
This is where the significant part comes in.
I’ve made it a part of my mission to help others deal with “not good enough” feelings and thoughts. I’ve written a course made up of exercises that I’ve used over the years that have helped me deal. In all my years of working with my own stories of “not good enough” I’ve come to realize one thing…
…some stories never truly go away. (As tempting as it might be to stop reading, please don’t or you’ll miss out on some important information!)
Here’s where the spin bike tire meets the proverbial road… it’s not the story itself or the fact that we may tell it 20 gazillion times. It’s what we ultimately believe and then what we do that makes all the difference.
Hang with me here for just a few more seconds as I explain.
The brain, no matter how amazing it is, processes facts and beliefs the same way. Which means our brains make it possible for us to see evidence that supports either a fact or a belief. (By the way, stories are often nothing more than a limiting belief.)
Let’s use my spinning journey as an example. Yep, I told myself a story about how I wasn’t fit enough to take that first spin class. At that point in the story I had a few options…
I could retire my spin bike shoes before they even got their first scuff, go down to the kitchen, grab a bag of chips and call it a day.
Or I could get my ass on that bike and do whatever I was able to do at that time.
And since I reached my 100th ride, I’m sure you already know which option I chose.
For that first ride and every ride since I’ve switched up my story and gotten my ass on that bike.
“You’re too tired. Get off!” has turned into “You may be tired, but don’t quit. Just take it a little bit easier.”
“This class is too hard. You can’t do it.” Has turned into “It’s just a class. It’s got nothing on you.”
“You won’t be able to keep up.” has turned into “The only person watching you and your speed is you! Keep peddling!”
And for my 100th ride “You didn’t push the limits with every ride. Some rides were only 20 or 30 minutes. Not balls to the wall 45 or 60.” turned into “It doesn’t matter how you got to this 100th ride. What matters is that you got here so get your ass on that bike and celebrate!!!!”
WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE STORIES?
First things first, if you take away anything from this post, I hope it’s this…
The negative stories (limiting beliefs) we tell ourselves come from a 3-pound organ. You and I are so much stronger, bigger, and more badass than that 3-pound organ. And that’s a true story!
Which means we can make some choices when it comes to the stories we tell. We can either choose to believe them and go no further or we can change them and get to gettin’! With that said, here are some things that will help.
Whatever we choose to do with our stories let’s make a commitment that we will never, from this point forward, allow our stories to shit on us, our accomplishments, or our positive opportunities. Deal?
Until next time, as always I'm sending you much love and light...
How to find it and own it
"When I lose 20 pounds I'll be happier."
"When I make six figures I’ll have made it."
"When I can buy my dream car and my dream house then I'll know I'm a success."
I grew up with messages like these.
As a kid and a teenager self-worth in my world equated to keeping up with the Joneses. It was about the external things. Which meant that the more you had the better you were as a person.
While I don’t think those were the messages the adults in my world intended to give, that is what they modeled. And since it was all I knew, I chased the external. I chased it down like a lion chases its prey.
No matter how much I “caught” I never felt it was enough. The bottom line, chasing the external cost me a lot (i.e. my identity, my energy, my heart) and got me no closer to feeling worthy and good about me.
And then the penny FINALLY dropped…
You can't put a price tag on self-worth. It’s not something you chase. And it's certainly not something you can buy off the Internet or in a swanky store. It has nothing to do with what you own, how you look, how much money you make, or your job title.
Self-worth is and has always been an inside job.
HOW TO OWN IT
Owning our own self-worth is a process. It’s one that takes time, awareness, effort, and a willingness to want to own it. With that said, I’d like to offer the following things that have helped me to own mine, but with a caveat.
These are things that I’ve used; they aren’t the only ways that work and just because they’ve worked for me that doesn’t mean that they have to work for you. I offer them to you to take, to tweak, or to discard if they don’t seem like a fit.
“Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn't have the time to sit around and talk about you. What's important to me is not others' opinions of me, but what's important to me is my opinion of myself.” ― C. JoyBell C.
I wanted to feel more confident, comfortable in my own skin, happy. That lead to wanting to know what made me tick, what made me, me at my core. From there my definition was born.
My self-worth = being a person of compassion, integrity, warmth, acceptance, high intuition, and creativity.
(SIDE NOTE: If the above doesn’t work for you, try answering this question… “What qualities do you want to be remembered for?”)
SELF-WORTH IS PRICELESS
Sometimes I still find myself feeling a little “less than” when someone has something or does something that I’d like to have or do. After all, old habits die hard. But then I remember one thing… my self-worth has nothing to do with the external stuff and everything to do with who I am on the inside.
At the end of the day, what’s on the inside has always been priceless.
In closing, I share this wish with you...
May you know and always own your priceless self-worth. Knowing that who you are on the inside has always been and will always be more than enough!
Sending you much love and light until next time…
To the unseen, unheard, the judged and the criticized
We’ve all seen the posts where a brave soul bears it all in a letter to their younger self. Offering up sage advice or lessons they have learned. I’m always impressed with the person’s courage and the willingness to let it all hang out in the most vulnerable of ways.
When I was 46 I wrote a similar letter that I can’t seem to find now. I’ve taken that as my sign that I’m meant to write another. But this time I’m writing a much different letter.
Rather then write a letter to my younger self, I’m writing this letter to anyone who has ever felt misunderstood, not seen or heard, judged, and criticized. I’m writing to anyone who has ever been picked over and made to feel less than. I’m writing to the person who has failed or fallen down. I’m writing to you and I’m writing to me.
If no one has ever told you, or at least told you lately, how incredible you are, how deserving you are of all that’s good, or how capable you are then please let me be that person.
It doesn’t matter if you once cheated on a test or cheated on a partner.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve tried every diet under the sun in hopes of having that “perfect” body.
It doesn’t matter if you said something hurtful to someone else out of your own hurt.
It doesn’t matter if you told a lie, or maybe a few to save face or to avoid criticism.
It doesn’t matter if you…feel free to fill in the blank here with anything you may be using to beat yourself up with or make yourself feel bad for.
It doesn’t matter because shit happens. I don’t say that with flippancy or disregard for whatever you may have done or experienced. And I’m really not trying to minimize those mistakes or even make them OK for you. That would be terribly rude of me and quite presumptuous.
Just know that you are incredible regardless and that those things don’t define you. They don’t negate your level of awesomeness, or the fact that you deserve good things. And they certainly don’t negate just how capable you are as a person.
How do I know this?
Because I’ve cheated on a spouse. I’ve done some pretty damaging things to my body, i.e. yo-yo dieting, drinking too much, smoking. I’ve said some hurtful things to another person out of my own hurt. I’ve lied to save face and to avoid criticism.
I’ve used those and other negatives things to hold me back or to kick the shit out of myself. It hasn’t been worth it. What’s been worth it is learning from those mistakes and moving on from them. Recognizing that to own them not only takes courage, but strength.
I say this because you, my friend, are not only courageous and strong, but also incredible. You have gotten yourself to this very point in time and I’m willing to bet that has been no small feat.
And so as that incredible person, I want you to know a few other things.
There are people who are critical of you and what you do. You can’t change those people and their critical ways. The only thing that you can change is how you deal with that criticism and ultimately those people.
“Often those that criticize others reveal what he himself lacks.”
- Shannon L. Alder
It helps to remember that criticism is just a projection of how that person feels about himself or herself. Chances are they feel inadequate or less than. And while it may cause some barriers, at the end of the day, being able to put it into perspective is your best defense.
Another great defense to criticism is to be who you are in every given moment, not someone you think others want you to be. You know who you are. You can feel it when you’re being true to you. Trust that feeling. You are your most powerful self when you are being your most authentic self.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” - Oscar Wilde
About being your authentic self, if there’s something about yourself that you don’t like, that’s OK. We’re all a work in progress. Rather than criticize yourself, make the effort to change what you don’t like. And for God’s sake don’t forget your likable qualities because you do have them.
Maybe you have great eyes.
Maybe you’re the type of friend that never forgets a birthday.
Maybe you have a big, soft heart.
Focus on and leverage those things as you are working on the stuff you don’t like. Oh, and here’s a little insider’s tip…. if you want to feel good enough, focusing on what you like about you helps. Feeling good enough is an inside job and not at all related to a designer label, cool car, big house, or any other exterior thing.
This may seem tangential, but this is a good time to address rejection, because rejection often causes feelings of not good enough.
Here’s the thing about rejection… there’s no such thing. There’s not. If you have been passed over by a person or a potential opportunity know that it’s just the Universe’s (or God’s) way of protecting you from something or someone who’s not a right fit. That way you have the space, time, and energy for someone or something that is.
Speaking of space, time and energy, it’s not a terrible thing to be particular. When it comes to your time, your energy, your heart it’s important to get really clear on what makes someone worthy of receiving the important bits of you. This is not being a snob; it’s about sharing with those that will appreciate you for all that you are. It’s about not settling.
“The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.” - Thomas Merton
Ah settling, that leads me to this second to last thing you might want to know. Try different relationships on for size. Just don’t forget that you don't ever have to be someone you’re not in order to be loved. If you have to mold and meld yourself in order to fit with another person, that person is NOT a right fit for you. Period. And don’t you dare worry your head over whether you will ever find a person to fit with, because you will. BUT…and this is a big BUT you have to love yourself enough not to settle.
And last, just know you are never too old and it’s never too late. Never!
My friend…you are incredible. You truly are! If you still don’t believe that please ask yourself the following question, “What do I need to let go of in order to know, feel, and believe that I am incredible?” Because you deserve that and all the goodness that life has to offer.
Much love, light, and incredibleness to you…
What it is & how it’s becoming my personal power’s best friend
I was once told that the Universe only puts lessons in front of us until we master them.
Based on some of my own life’s lessons I’d say there’s substantial evidence of lessons appearing and reappearing until I’ve done my part to master them. Especially when it comes to my own personal power and not giving it away so easily. (Side note: personal power for me is my sense of self.)
Take, for example, my habit of people pleasing.
The Big U gave me plenty of chances to learn how my people pleasing was nothing more than a futile exercise in trying to fit in where I didn’t belong. Once I realized that I didn’t have to jump through someone else’s hoops in order to be loved, the lesson disappeared and my personal power increased.
LATEST AND GREATEST LESSON
The Big U has placed another doozy in front of me. Radical Acceptance.
If you’re scratching your head wondering what the heck that is, you’re not alone. I did the same thing about a three or so months ago when it showed up in one of my morning readings.
While I don’t wish to bore you with the countless lessons that have smacked me in the face lately, suffice it to say, here’s what I’ve come to understand about radical acceptance…
…Radical acceptance is accepting reality for what it is. It’s not settling. It’s about responding to the things that I can’t change in a way that releases the stress, angst, anger, pain, etc.
For example, let’s say I’m standing in line to get tickets for a concert I really want to see. There’s only one line because the ticket office is short-staffed. Since the line is moving slower than maybe I’d like, I could do any of the following:
A) I could complain about the line and the fact that there’s only one person issuing tickets,
B) I could push and shove the people in front of me, OR
C) I could wait my turn and occupy my time by listening to some of my favorite music.
Options A) and B), while they may be tempting, they aren’t going to change the reality that there’s only one line and that there’s only one person issuing tickets. Option C isn’t going to change reality either but if I’m passing the time enjoying my favorite music there’s a good chance I’m not stressing out over something I can’t change.
Here’s where the rubber is meeting the road with this lesson on radical acceptance…
Every time I allow a situation that I can’t change (and that includes people) to piss me off or stress me out all I’m really doing is allowing it (or them) to take charge of my personal power.
Radical acceptance = holding on to my personal power in any given situation.
MASTERING THIS LESSON
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Since I don’t like my personal power to be diminished or messed with I’m determined to master this radical acceptance lesson and here’s how…
When I feel my hackles or my blood pressure rise I’m going to assess the situation. Is there anything that I can change?
If there’s something I can’t change, (i.e. traffic or another person’s behavior) I’ll consider my options and choose something that’s going to lower my blood pressure and help me to maintain my own personal power.
At the end of the day, I’ll remember that radical acceptance is my key to changing the things I can and choosing how I respond to things I can’t change.
My friends, how do/will you use radical acceptance to not only keep your cool, but maintain your own personal power?
Until next time, here’s to leveraging some radical acceptance. Sending you much love and light, as always…
Ways to speak up for what matters
I think it’s true what they say about getting older; the less shit you give about what comes out of your mouth. Don’t get me wrong… it’s not that I’ve stopped caring and it’s not that I’ve started saying offensive, hurtful things.
I haven’t turned into some madwoman with verbal diarrhea. I’ve just become more vocal when it comes to things that matter, for example, my own feelings and thoughts.
I’ve become more of an advocate for me. Halle-frickin-lujah!!!
Trust me when I tell you, it’s about time!
It’s been tiring. Not to mention, it gets heavy carrying around years and years of pent up feelings. What’s worse, it sucks to be a hypocrite by helping others to find their own voices when I haven’t really been using mine.
The simple truth is…
I was afraid I’d rock a boat, piss someone off, lose a friend, etc. by speaking up for myself. But by not speaking up what I’ve really been doing is hurting myself and treating myself as a proverbial doormat. So uncool!
“When people don't express themselves, they die one piece at a time.” ― Laurie Halse Anderson
DESERVING TO BE HEARD
Here’s the thing, the more I speak up for myself the more liberated I feel. And here’s some more good news…the earth doesn’t stop rotating on its axis. Of course there’ve been times when others haven’t liked what I had to say, but that eventually passed. The bottomline; I've not lost anyone important to me because I spoke up.
My voice is important (as is yours!) and if I don’t use it I’m not only doing myself a disservice, but I’m doing others one too. People aren’t mind readers.
So here’s what I’ve been doing to go from voiceless to vocal…
Picking my hills carefully. There are just some hills that aren’t worth expending energy on. To make sure I’m expending energy on the right hill I ask myself, “Will telling it like it is help or change things?” If the answer is “no”, I redirect my energy and attention elsewhere.
Speaking my truth from my heart. My heart is an amazing guide and teacher. I’ve never regretted anything I’ve said that has come from my heart.
I’m responsible for the delivery, not the receiving. The only thing I’ve got control over is how I deliver my message. I don’t have control over how someone receives it. To the last point, if I’m coming from my heart (a good place) that's the best I can ever do.
Remembering to pause. There are times when I need to take a breath before responding. As a matter of fact, I wished I had remembered that the other day when my buttons got pushed. While my message was spot on, my delivery sucked. Had I paused, I know I would have delivered my message in a much calmer way.
It’s a process, but I’m committed to it and most importantly, I’m committed to hearing me so that others will too.
My friends, what do you do that gets you heard? I’d love to hear from you.
Until next time, sending you much love and light...
Ways to run out of excuses and start taking action
Excuses, we’ve all made them.
I’d be a liar if I said that I never made an excuse to try and get out of doing something. Oh, not to mention the endless excuses I’ve made for my food choices over the years or some of my less than desirable decisions, particularly when it came to relationships. And yes, I’ve even made excuses for a loved one's behavior.
Excuses are often fear-based barriers. They're used to defend or justify a behavior or even a non-action.
“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.”
We use them to get out of something that we don’t want to do.
We use them to protect ourselves from potential embarrassment.
We hide behind them to avoid a potential failure.
They’re a frickin’ self-imposed boulder that sits smack in the middle of what we want, trying to squish the life out of it.
They’re a story telling tool that we engage when our belief in our own abilities and ourselves is waning.
They’re a best friend to our itty bitty sh*tty committee members (our internal naysayers).
And if we’re really being honest with ourselves, they’re just plain dishonest.
Worse yet, they’re a great way to diminish our own personal power.
Does any of this resonant?
Are you tired of excuses, yours or someone else’s?
If you answered “yes” then please keep reading.
WHAT TO DO WHEN WE MAKE EXCUSES
The key to creating any type of change in behavior is recognizing when we are participating in that behavior. This is often the hardest part, since the behavior may be a habit and something we do as an automatic default.
When it comes to excuses, it helps if we take inventory of the times when we’ve made an excuse. Looking for any patterns or commonalities. For example, maybe we make excuses when we are feeling overwhelmed. Maybe we make them when we are feeling criticized. Maybe we make them when are scared to step outside our comfort zone.
Regardless of when they appear, being able to identify the triggers and circumstances helps us to be more proactive going forward.
With awareness in hand, here are some things we can do to step away from the excuse and move more towards action.
Instead of “yes, but”...how about a “yes, and”...
Saying “yes, and” opens the channels of thought. It gives us a chance to look for the opportunities, as opposed to the barriers.
What’s at the source?
It helps if we pause and ask ourselves “What's causing this excuse?” It’s in the awareness that we then are able to create options.
Pro and con
Speaking of options, when it comes to taking actions that scare the crap out of us, before we engage that excuse, start making a pro vs. con list. With information in hand we can then make a decision as to what to do.
“What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
I love asking my clients and myself this question when on the verge of an excuse. And I don’t just stop with “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” I continue asking…”And then what?” until all scenarios are present and accounted for.
Yep, you read right. We can use our excuses as an indicator that what we want to do/about to do is important.
Instead of making an excuse it helps if we are honest about why we don’t wish to do something, what we are feeling, or why we may be hesitant. There’s a lot of power in being honest.
DEALING WITH EXCUSE MAKERS
If you’re not someone who makes excuses, but you have people in your world that do, here are some tips for dealing.
Take deep breathes
Excuse makers can push some major buttons so taking a few deep breathes before responding to the excuse maker and their excuse helps avoid creating further issues.
Ask curiosity-based questions
Asking questions can help us and the other person get to the source of the excuse and find a way to constructively deal with it.
Share your concerns
In a constructive and caring way, share our concerns with the other person, letting them know that we are there to support them and not judge them.
It’s not us, it’s them
Remind ourselves that the person is not making an excuse because of who we are or something we did. They’re making the excuse based of their own “stuff.”
“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.”
At the end of the day, we all deserve better than excuses. I’m going to be on the look out for my own excuses so I can step away from them and more towards action. How about you?
Until next time, I’m sending you much love and light…
How a differing opinion doesn't make one unintelligent
Disclaimer: This is neither a political rant nor an avenue to bash anyone of differing opinion.
Over the weekend a family member questioned my intelligence. Actually, it wasn’t just questioned, but rather insulted. To explain…
I made a choice to stand with many against hatred, violence, and in support of equality for all … that choice and my reasoning for doing so differed from this family member’s opinions. I’m proud of my decision, but because I did what I did (and my reasons), I was accused of not having all the facts and only getting my facts from the wrong sources.
HUGE FRICKING ASSUMPTION! HUGE!
Sadly, this family member has never asked me what I read, watch, or listen to. He’s never checked his own assumptions before launching into accusations of my lack of information or lack of intelligence.
As a life long learner and an avid reader of many news sources, books, articles, etc. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’m a very intelligent woman capable of making informed decisions. Here’s the truth, I like to get as much information as I can about what happens in the world and not just from one source, but many. So if there is one thing that pushes a major button for me it is to insinuate that I’m not informed, and therefore not intelligent when it comes to certain matters.
Disagree with my viewpoint. That’s OK! But please, for the love of all creation, do not infer that I’m not intelligent because I have a differing viewpoint. And please do not make assumptions that I don’t do my due diligence, because I do.
“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.”
Having a difference of opinion does not make one wrong, ignorant, uninformed, or uneducated. It’s those differing opinions that help us to learn, to grow, to change, to see things from a different perspective especially when shared from a place of respect for another’s intelligence and point of view.
SOME THINGS TO CONSIDER
My friends, if your intelligence is questioned because you hold a differing thought or opinion I’d like to offer you a few things to consider…
At the end of the day, a difference of opinion can be a beautiful thing if it is delivered in a positive way. It only becomes ugly and unacceptable when it is used as a means to insult or belittle.
So to this family member I say, I love you. I admire that you’re passionate about your thoughts and opinions. I stand behind that passion. What I do not and will not stand behind is your using your thoughts and opinions as a means to insult my intelligence.
Just know that I’m always happy to listen to your point of view, provided that you share with the understanding that as an intelligent, capable woman, it is my right to respectfully disagree… for it is OK to disagree. In my disagreement I’m not saying that I’m right and you’re wrong. What I’m saying is that I just hold a differing opinion.
Until next week, here’s to standing firmly in our intelligence and exercising our rights to have a differing opinion. I send you much love and light, as always…
How to leverage the power to choose.
I have it. You have it. As does your neighbor, your best friend, your partner, your children. We all have it. It may not always feel that way, but we do.
We all have the power to choose.
The minute I realized that, (that I always have a choice in any given moment), a feeling of empowerment hit me. And then the real awareness set in; Choice = Personal Power. “YES! That’s it. That is how I hold on to my personal power in any given situation. I choose.” I was so excited by this new awareness I almost pounded on my chest like King Kong while screaming at the top of my lungs, “I am woman, hear me roar.”
Here’s the kicker, while I always have a choice I may forget to exercise my power to choose. Yes, I may forget because I’m far too caught up in something else, for example, a “woe is me” moment, stress, fear, etc.
It happens. And while it does, it’s important to remember that the power to choose is never too far away.
WHAT I GET TO CHOOSE
While I can’t always control what’s going on around me, like other people’s behavior, their responses, or the weather, I do have a choice in what I do. I do have a choice in what I say. I do have a choice in what I feel. I do have a choice in how I act.
As a matter of fact, I get to choose…
What I put in my body.
I get to choose if I want to eat vegetables or if I want to eat a chocolate chip cookie. My choice. And then it becomes my choice how I feel about what I ate, i.e. good or guilty
How I respond.
When something pisses me off, I get to choose how I respond. I get to choose to be calm in that moment or fly off the handle. My choice.
The people I surround myself with consistently.
Again my choice. I get to choose who I wish to hang out with. I’ve become very particular about who I surround myself with and not because I’m a social snob. My energy is easily impacted. I’m kind of like a sponge in that respect… so I’m very careful not to surround myself with people who are oozing negative energy.
What I think.
Oh yeah, I get to choose that too. When a negative thought pops into my head, (which happens regularly), I get to choose to invite it to stay awhile or dismiss it. If I decide to have coffee with that thought or give that thought voice, I know I’m choosing to do so.
“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”
What I feel.
You guessed it; I choose what I feel knowing that all my feelings are valid. That means that there are times when I choose to feel the crappy feelings to my core. As a recovering stuffer, I’ve come to understand that feeling things through is important in order to move forward.
What I do.
I definitely choose what I do, without a doubt. I choose my actions, (sometimes not all that carefully), but I do choose them. I choose my work in this world. I choose what I do at any given moment. Sometimes I choose to do nothing and that’s still a choice.
Where are you consistently in choice? This is where the awareness begins…knowing where you engage your power to choose and where you could be engaging it more.
THE BENEFITS OF CHOOSING
Here’s what the power to choose does. When we engage and leverage it, we…
Live life by our own design.
We make ourselves priorities and in turn so do others.
We have fewer messes to clean up.
We protect/restore our energy.
We don’t allow feelings to fester.
We make better decisions.
We learn from our mistakes.
But most importantly, we take back our own personal power from any given situation or person.
How many of those results are you currently experiencing? Want more?
HOW TO LEVERAGE CHOOSING
Ok, so you’re going to think I’m crazy nuts, which is cool…it’s your choice after all. ;) What I’m about to share with you is so simple it does sound crazy.
The way to leverage the power to choose in any given situation is to ask yourself this question (or a variation that fits.); “What do I choose?”
Yep, that’s it. When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, fearful, ticked off, small, powerless, stuck between decisions, etc. ask yourself that question. Then see what happens. See how you feel.
Are you game?
I do hope so, because for the next 21 days I invite you to consciously, deliberately, and intentionally engage and leverage your own power to choose. Of course it really is down to you and what you choose. ;)
Until next time, here’s to the power of choosing!! Sending you much love and light….
An invitation to seeing & owning your greatness
Many years ago I was asked the question, “How do you define greatness?”
I used to believe that in order to experience greatness you had to conquer something major, like climbing Mount Kilimanjaro or having a message that reaches millions upon millions of people. While I don’t think my definition has changed much over the years, my perception of “major” in relation to greatness has.
To me greatness is…
When we are our most authentic selves.
When we are able to share from that scary, vulnerable place that connects us with another human being.
When we have the courage to follow our dreams.
When we discover our why…those things that make us tick, and then
when we use our why so that what we do has more impact and meaning.
When we own our greatness and truly step into it without hesitation.
Greatness is not always in what we do, but it is always in who we are.
And we spend a lot of time focusing on what keeps us from greatness rather then focusing on what already makes us great.
We don’t claim it. We don’t own it. We don’t live it nearly as much as we could. Instead we allow self-deprecating comments to taint our view. We allow other people’s opinions to overshadow our own. We let limiting beliefs, like the one that says acknowledging our greatness is bigheaded, to run roughshod.
CLAIM IT, OWN IT, LIVE IT
As I’m writing this, I’m reminded of Marianne Williamson’s quote…
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
YES! YES! YES!! A thousand times yes! That’s what I’m talking about.
My friends, this is your invitation… it is time to claim it, own it, and live it! We don’t have a moment to waste. The world needs us to step up and share our greatness.
If you’re wondering how or feeling scared as hell, trust me I get it and I’ve got you.
Here are a few tips that help. Feel free to pick and choose or to share some of your own.
Identify/Define it: This where the rubber meets the road when we are able to clearly identify or define greatness for ourselves. Knowing what it feels or looks like supports us in being great on our own terms, not someone else’s.
Capture it: Making note of the things we do each day fortifies that greatness. It cements it into our reality so we are truly living it every day. Grab a pen and a journal and capture all that greatness.
Share it: Share it with others by doing those things that make you feel great and model the crap out of that greatness. As Marianne said in her quote, “as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” Oh, and here’s some food for thought… it’s not our business what other people think of us when we are putting our greatness out there. We have no control over that any way.
Quiet it: Not the greatness, but the limiting beliefs and self-deprecating comments. Quiet those suckers in the very moment when they’re trying to steal your greatness and its thunder. Change the words being said. Express a little gratitude. Do something that switches off the negative message.
Lets cause a ripple effect of greatness. Starting TODAY! We got this!! Because here’s the real deal, when we do, we are not only serving as role models for others, we are taking charge of our own destiny. We are creating amazing experiences and opportunities. We are playing full out. We are truly living a life and doing work in this world that we love.
Are you going to accept the invitation?
Until next time, I’m not only sending you wishes of greatness, but much love and light…
If you dabble with, vibe on, or use Numerology you probably already knew that 2016 was a nine year (2+0+1+6 = 9). In Numerology the number 9 stands for completions, finishing what we start, and a few other cool things. Which makes a lot of sense since 2017 is, you guessed it, a one year (2+0+1+7 = 10 1+0 = 1). The number 1 stands for new beginnings, fresh starts, new energy, and change.
I’m not going to lie; I’m so over 2016 and ready for some new awesome beginnings and new energy. Having said that, I know that in order for my new beginnings to have a fair chance of making it, I have to make some space for them.
So during the month of December I spent time taking inventory of the key areas of my life.
What loose ends needed tying up?
What am/was I ready to let go of?
What, if anything, did I start that I needed to complete?
While there were no loose ends or projects left unfinished, there were a few things that I needed and wanted to let go of. Things that I didn’t want to take with me into this New Year of new beginnings.
So like Santa, I made my list and checked it twice. On that list were the following things that I’ve agreed to dump in the 2016 garbage bin:
Worry when it comes to money. I’ve danced with worry more than a few times during 2016. It was only when I sat out of the dance that all my financial needs were met. That got my attention and so I’ve made the commitment that when worry taps me on the shoulder for a dance, I’ll graciously decline. I’ll remind myself that worry does nothing except give me wrinkles and gray hair. I’ll also remind myself that it’s not nearly as strong as my belief that the Universe is always conspiring for me and not against me.
Judgment of myself and talking about others. Holy crap, as someone who prides herself on being a compassionate, loving person it’s embarrassing to admit that I judged myself rather harshly this past year and I spent some time talking about others… meaning I was judging them too. Not cool!! This behavior has been kicked to the curb. Judgment is my sign of insecurity and so if I feel that insecurity creep in, I’m going to check in and find out why. I’m also going to keep my mouth shut. Instead, I’m going to find something that lifts me up, energizes me, and makes me feel good. I’m going to focus on my strengths and what makes me, me…leaving behind the comparisons (a.k.a judgment).
Playing small. Want to talk about my modus operandi…this has been a big one for me, particularly when it comes to my work in the world. I’ve rested on my laurels by not tapping into my fullest potential. I’ve sat in the shadows and haven’t called too much attention to what I do. How frickin’ sad!!
Make no mistake I love what I do and I’m proud of my work in the world…so that playing small crap has to go. Buh-Bye. In the infamous words of Diana Ross, and I apologize in advance for the earworm…
“I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show”
Yep, the world is going to see more of me in 2017. More articles published on other sites and publications. More FB Live broadcasts. Volunteer work. The list continues so do stay tuned.
Motherhood guilt. I have spent the last four years, I’m not kidding, the last four years swimming in guilt until my fingers are pruney. I’ve felt guilty over my co-dependent, helicopter mom ways and then felt guilty for breaking those patterns so abruptly. Which in hindsight has been absolutely necessary in order to create healthier relationships.
My son is now 22 years old and doing his thing. And gratefully I’ve given up the helicopter and co-dependent gig, but not the guilt side effects.
So if that guilt appears I’m going to remind myself of something Brené Brown once said in a TED Talk, “Guilt: I'm sorry. I made a mistake.” All parents make mistakes when it comes to their children. And it would be a huge mistake to hold on to that guilt … I can’t change the past, I can only influence the present moment by forgiving myself.
Since I’m not a silly woman, I know that just saying “Adios” to those things doesn’t mean they’ll magically disappear. It’s going to take conscious action on my part (which I’ve already started).
In taking that conscious action, I’ve begun to create the space for some pretty cool new beginnings…like expanding my reach, creating a movement (more to come on that), and deepening my connection to myself, my spiritual team, my family, as well as finding my tribe.
2017 I am ready for you… You have a clean slate so let’s get to gettin’!
What are you leaving behind as you enter 2017? If you’re not sure, I invite you to take inventory of the key areas of your life with these two questions in mind:
How awesome does this area of my life feel right now on a scale of 1-10? (1 = not so awesome and 10 = totally awesome!)
What’s one thing that’s keeping this area of my life from being as close to a 10 as possible?
With your answer to the second question in hand, make a commitment to take some conscious actions to let go of whatever is blocking the awesome.
And once you begin creating space for some new awesomeness, here’s another question you can use…
What’s one thing I want to add (that’s missing) in order to increase the awesomeness?
My friends, I wish you a Happy 2017! May it be a year that is filled with some awesome new beginnings.
Until next time, I’m sending much love and light to you…
I admit it I’m a personal development junkie. That’s probably why I have about 12 books on the go right now. I’m all about personal growth and supporting others in theirs.
My personal philosophy is simple; if I’m not growing then I’m not really living.
In honor of growth, light bulb moments, and self awareness, I’d like to share some resources that have been helpful in my quest for living.
NOT JUST GOOD READS
These resources aren’t just good reads, they are also thought-provoking and perception game changers.
WARNING: If reading or hearing the F-BOMB curls your toes, then this article is not for you. It’s a 12 minute read and in my very humble opinion worth the time; The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
And while you’re checking out Mark’s article, be sure to check out his self knowledge e-book. There’s some amazing insight in those 20 pages.
We can learn a lot from children. That is what I love about this article, 7 Strategies to Borrow From Your Kids.
There’s so much wisdom that comes from learning from our children and their way of being in the world.
If you’re a lover of all things affirmations, you’re not going to want to miss out on this stellar list; 31 Affirmations That Can Transform Your Life. As a transformation specialist I’m all for the simple tools that can cause impacting transformation.
This resource is one chock-full of wellbeing related tips, articles, and apps . If you’ve not checked out Arianna Huffington’s new site; Thrive Global you’re going to want to. It’s a game changer for folks who are ready to go from surviving to thriving!
For those who love to meditate or are thinking that the New Year would be a great time to start, have a look at Brain Sync. Kelly Howell has created some awesome meditation tracks to help with overcoming limiting beliefs, weight loss, creating abundance, better sleep and so much more.
I’ll be honest, I was never a big Tony Robbins fan and I mean no disrespect to anyone who is. That has all changed and I owe it to his Netflix documentary, “I Am Not Your Guru.” Talk about a mind and game changer!! What an incredible documentary!! I’m truly in awe of the work that Tony is doing in the world. This is a must see!
If you are looking for some really good books to dive into this Holiday Season or as gift ideas, please be sure to check out the Good Reads list. Not to mention the following…
Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert
Write It Down Make It Happen: Knowing What You Want and Getting It by Henrietta Klauser
The Power of I Am: Two Words That Will Change Your Life Today by Joel Osteen
What are some of your favorite game changing resources? Please share.
Until next time, I wish you all much love and light during this Holiday Season! May it be a happy and healthy one! And may 2017 be the year of greatness and growth for us all!
I will look forward to connecting with you in the New Year!!
I had a mentor once say to me, “People don’t give a sh*t about the letters behind your name. People want to know what fires you have walked through that will help them walk through their own.”
And now that I’m turning 50 in the next few weeks, what she shared makes even more sense. Those fires I’ve experienced are my seasonings.
SPICES OF LIFE
I’ve picked out a few of my favorite seasonings to share and not in any particular order...
You’re never too old to find your passion and purpose. I had this notion in my head that by the time I was 21 I’d have my life planned out and my purpose under way. I carried that notion with me and held it as gospel. Suffice it to say, when I was 21 I didn’t have a clue and my purpose certainly wasn’t unfolding as I’d thought.
It wasn’t until I was 38 that I began to uncover my purpose. And while I know what my purpose is, it’s still unfolding in ways I never imagined.
I’m staying open to the possibilities so that it continues to unfold.
Always trust your instincts/intuitive side no matter what. Over the years my intuitive side has become very important to me. Not just in the work I do, but in navigating my way through life. There have been times when I didn't followed my intuition … I wound up at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and with the wrong people.
No more. There’s not a day that doesn’t go by when I don’t follow my intuitive hits and my gut instincts. Doing so has saved me a lot of headaches and troubles.
If you want to be a priority to someone else, you’ve got to treat yourself as one. This has been a big one for me. My past modus operandi was to be the option and make others the priority.
What I was saying to myself and to others was that I didn’t matter…my feelings and needs did not matter. And they do matter.
I first had to figure out what it meant to be a priority and then I had to act on it. I still have my slip ups, but I’m getting better at making myself a priority. In doing so, I'm much less resentful and I'm not completey reliant on others for meeting my needs. I'm meeting them.
You’re not responsible for another’s well-being. You can contribute to it, but you’re not responsible for it. This was another big one for me. For many reasons I took on the responsibility of making sure that everyone in my world was OK. While I had the best intentions in the world, I created dependence in all my relationships. And in turn, not only did I disempower myself, but I disempowered others. It was never my intention to infer that they couldn’t take care of themselves as well as I could take care of them…but that’s in essence what I was doing.
Co-dependency does not equate to love. Now as a recovering co-dependent I recognize just how liberating it is, (not to mention healthy) to let others be in control of their own well-being while I'm in control of my own.
You are still a good person even if you say “no”. As a matter of fact, I’ve found that saying “no” when I really need/want to is actually the kindest thing I can do for another. In my humble opinion, to say “yes” out of obligation instead of want is really a discount to the other person and the relationship.
There’s no such thing as rejection. Any time something has not worked out, in hindsight, it’s been a blessing. Something better has always come along instead.
Rejection = the Universe’s way of protecting me from something or someone that’s not a good fit so that something or someone who is a good fit has the space to come in.
Speaking of fitting…if you have to change yourself to fit with someone else, there’s a good chance that person isn’t a good fit for you. I’ve tried being someone I wasn’t in order to fit with others and all it did was left me feeling out of integrity.
The relationships that have been worth my time and energy are the ones where I’m free to be me. Without a doubt!
Fear is something to leverage and not something to run from. I heard this not too long ago, “Fear just means forgetting everything’s all right.” Fear is also my way of knowing that what I'm doing is important. (For example, the fear that no one will read this blog.)
SO instead of running from it or pushing it away I use it as my reminder that a) everything is OK and b) what I’m about to do/doing is really important to me.
Feelings don’t go away just because you stuff them. They stay inside and fester. Now instead of stuffing them, l honor them by not ignoring them. I feel them. I write about them and if I can, I talk them out.
You are so much stronger than your thoughts. Even if I don’t always feel stronger, I know that I am. I remind myself that my thoughts come from a 3-pound mass and I’m definitely stronger and bigger than that.
Liking your own company is key to having healthy relationships. I remember a time when I didn’t like my own company. That was also the same time that I engaged in unhealthy relationships. Learning to like my own company helped me to end the loneliness and in turn led to much healthier relationships. No more dependence on others to fill a void or keep me entertained.
Worrying does nothing, but change the color of my hair and make lines in my forehead. It doesn’t change an outcome or stop something from happening. I do that with my actions, not my worry.
So, there you have it, some key seasonings that have made up my last 50 years. I look forward to 50 more years and becoming even more seasoned.
With that said, I’d like to invite you to take stock of your own seasonings.
What have you learned that has helped you become the person you are right now?
What advice would you give someone younger than you?
Until next time, I send much love and light to you…
Welcome to December, my friends! In usual style I have picked some cards and connected to my spiritual team to provide you with intuitive insight for December.
All you have to do is pick a card from the picture right below and then scroll down to find the card you picked for your message. Enjoy!!
P.S... Get A Jump On 2017...
...and find out what it has in store for you!
Be sure to book your 12 month spread reading where you will receive valuable insight for each month of the year to use as guidance... to make decisions and to take action.
There are ONLY 5 telephone and 5 email readings available until December 15th.
Now is NOT the time to make any hasty decisions, Dear One. Be sure to do your due diligence to get all the facts. What may appear to be a sure thing may hold some ulterior motives or hidden details. Don't be afraid to take your time to do some digging... to make sure you are seeing beyond the surface of what's being offered to you. That way you can make sure that you are heading in the direction you intended or getting exactly what you anticipated and nothing less. Because all that glitters is not always gold.
Yes, finally! What you've been waiting to come to fruition is! Dear One, your hard work is about to pay off in a major way. You've overcome some obstacles and hurdles to get here and no one is more deserving of a triumph than you! Keep visualizing that successful outcome and stay the course; stay balanced because triumph is yours for the taking. This card also signifies a move or travel. If you're considering moving house or changing careers, now is the perfect time to put the wheels in motion for a successful transition.
Dear One, it's time to connect with your passion, that "thing" that lights a fire for you, as well as those high energy vibrations and positive thoughts. Your passion plus all that positive energy will support you in manifesting some pretty amazing opportunities going into the new year. Especially when it comes to your work in the world. Be prepared for some really rapid movement... once you have acted on a sign or signal from the Universe things are going to happen rather quickly. It's called kismet and you're ready!
Stagnation be gone! You're moving on and away from what feels stale or out grown. Dear One, you're about to begin a new chapter. Fasten your seat belt because this new beginning is going to catapult you to where you've wanted to go for a very long time. While it may be a tad scary to step into the unknown that this new beginning brings, do not fear...you are supported in more ways than you ever imagined possible. Don't let the fear stop you from seizing this opportunity for a fresh start. It's time.
Dear One, a change of perspective is in the air for you. You're about to gain new insight into your world and the world around you. Questions that have gone unanswered will be answered. Pay close attention to the messages you are receiving, as they will be important to your own forward movement this month and leading into the new year. Now is the time to let go of anything that's no longer working for you or is just taking up space. You've got to have space for the good stuff that wants to come in, including that new perspective. Complacency is so last year..it's time for some renovation and remodeling of those old thought patterns that have clouded your vision.
Until next month, we wish you much love and light!
It’s funny how often I get inspired ideas when I'm in a virtual spin class or in the shower. Places where I normally don’t carry pen and paper with me. During one of my spin classes the instructor said something that not only inspired me, but also got me thinking… “Choose your mountains carefully. Don’t choose mountains that are made out of paper.”
Paper mountains, now that was an interesting concept.
(Paper mountains are mountains that no matter how hard we try to climb them, we can’t ever reach the top. There’s nothing solid enough to gain proper footing so instead we just waste our time and energy.)
While I was pedaling my bike I began to think of all the mountains I was climbing.
One came to mind immediately. Not because it was a pretty mountain made of beautiful, brightly colored card-stock paper. No, this mountain was made of tattered, flimsy paper that had a lot of anger, sadness, and negativity attached to it.
What was causing all the anger, sadness, and negativity wasn’t important. Thankfully I recognized that highlighting the “whys” would only keep me on that mountain, expending precious energy. No thanks! I'd already done enough of that.
Instead, just the mere thought of that dingy mountain made me want to choose a new mountain. A mountain of substance; one that was worthy of my time and energy.
WHAT'S MY MOUNTAIN?
With each pedal stroke I found myself saying out loud, “I refuse. I refuse. I refuse. “
Thank goodness for virtual spin classes, because if anyone had been privy to my outburst of refusals and what followed they would have thought I'd lost it.
What came next were statements made not only out loud, but with absolute resolve and determination.
“I refuse to allow anyone to take away my joy with their criticisms, with their negativity, with their bitterness, with their close-mindedness, with their masked bigotry, with their own self-hatred.”
“This is my mountain called Joy and I refuse to allow anyone who wishes to be in a place of doom & gloom to share it with me. They can climb their own mountain and I will respect that, remembering that I cannot change them or their thinking. I can only change me.”
And as I kept pedaling the following terms and conditions for my mountain became clear…
As the class came to an end so did my journey up my paper mountain. I’m now ready to begin my climb up my new mountain. My mountain called Joy.
My friends, I close with two questions for you…
What is the mountain you choose to climb?
What are your terms and conditions for climbing that mountain?
Feel free to name that mountain and claim it in the comment section.
Until next time, here’s to leaving those paper mountains behind.
Much love to you all…
About this blog
This is the place where I share my personal journey, insights, ideas, and a-ha moments helping me to mute my own inner critic. It is my hope you find what you need to mute your own.