I love the holidays. It's a time of celebration. A time for connection. A time for good food that we don't eat all year round. A time to let go of the old and bring in the new.
But I've noticed something; I've noticed that as we near the holiday season people seem to be a little less considerate. Or maybe a little less present which can lead to not noticing that you're waiting for that parking space, or that they just cut you off in line or traffic.
I know this happens during other times of the year, but it seems to be more prevalent during the holidays. And it makes sense for people to go on auto-pilot as they're thinking about what gifts they can afford, or the end of the year quotas and goals, managing the holiday gatherings, and out of town family members. It can all be a bit overwhelming.
I get it. And while I do get it, it doesn't mean that it doesn't drive me a bit nuts when someone pushes in front of me in line, cuts me off in traffic, or is just plain rude.
This year, however, I'm arming myself with something to keep me sane (and rational)…
Yep, you read that right…when it comes to others I'm going to lower my expectations.
(I promise I've not dipped into the egg nog or gotten hit on the head by the family menorah...so please read on.)
It might help if I explain what I mean...
Many years ago I was having issues with a family member who, I felt, was being inconsiderate of my feelings. Regardless of how many times I tried to share how I felt about their treatment, they didn't get it.
To say that I got my knickers in a twist would be the understatement of all understatements. I was fixated on the inconsideration. I wanted to right the wrong-doing. I wanted that person to see it from my perspective. It was all consuming and emotionally draining.
During a coaching session with my coach I went on and on about how ticked off I was. When I finally stopped ranting she said, "Pam, try lowering your expectations of that person, that way you will never be disappointed."
WHAT!? Are you kidding?!
Actually, my response was…"I say this with love, but f*#k off."
That was not what I wanted to hear. I wanted her to commiserate with me. I wanted her to justify my anger. But instead I got "lower your expectations."
It wasn't until a year or so later that I actually got what she meant.
Not to expect anyone to handle things in ways that I would.
Not to expect anyone to be different.
Not to expect anyone to behave in a certain way.
At the end of the day, the only person I can expect these things from is me, because I have control over what I do. Which means, I can set expectations for myself to be kind, considerate, and present. And when others aren't, I can expect that I will choose my response carefully and considerately.
Rather than expecting, I'm teaching people how to treat me based on what I will or won't allow for myself.
Here's the really cool thing about lowering my expectations of others…when I do, not only am I less disappointed, but I'm open to being surprised. Which, I'm not going to lie, is kinda fun.
So that's how I'm going to keep sane this holiday season. How about you? I'd love to hear your strategies for not losing your cool and enjoying your holiday season.
Oh, but if you need some additional strategies, I've got your back. Be sure to check out these blog posts:
"Bye Felicia"; Three Ways To Get Someone Out Of Your Personal Space
Your Not So Ordinary Holiday Stress-Reducing Tip
Tips for a stress-free, peaceful holiday season
Here's to a sane and wonderful holiday season!! Sending you all much love and sparkly, tinsel-adorned light.
Additional Resource To Avoid the Holiday Humbuggery
December's Rut Warrior Membership topic is dedicated to avoiding the humbuggery that many of us feel.
There is a special podcast with tips for making this holiday season a relaxed and bright one. An Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping script for managing the stress. Not to mention, exercises , journal prompts, and an intuitive reading for extra guidance muscle. And I'm super excited, because included is some fun bonus material for humbug busting.
So if you, or anyone you know wants to be humbug free this holiday season, join us!
(You'll also have access to previous months' content, so be sure to check it out!)
Have you ever felt the need to change the way you do things?
Have you experienced those growing pains that are so obvious you just can't ignore them?
I'm raising my hand!
After nearly 14 years in business as a coach, I decided it was time for a major overhaul of what I do, how I do what I do, and who I work with. (Rebranding myself and my business.)
Talk about scary and exciting all at the same time. But here's the thing, I was starting to feel like a plant that had outgrown its pot. No more room to expand my roots.
So clearly it was time for a bigger pot. Seems logical, right? Logical, but still scary and time!
As I was getting ready to leave the smaller pot that had served me well, I reflected. I reflected on some of the lessons (or fertilizer, if we stick with the pot metaphor) that helped me to grow not only professionally, but personally.
Quality over quantity. There are all sorts of messages about the importance of having tons of social media followers, newsletter subscribers, etc. It can all get a little overwhelming.
I don't disagree, being connected to your target market is important. BUT you could have thousands of subscribers and followers that just don't engage with you or your brand. (Which I did.) Making those thousands just numbers on your stats or dashboards. (Which they were.)
It all began to remind me of a high school popularity contest.
Been there, done that, have the tiara and t-shirt. Let me tell you, it had me questioning the relevance of my work in the world…and not in a good way!
Did it suck? Was I putting out stuff that people thought was crap?
No, I was just trying too hard to "please" the masses!
The bottom line…
Anything that doesn't make you feel good about what you do, isn't going to support your growth as a person, leader, business owner, or entrepreneur.
At the end of the day, it is true that quality is far better than quantity. Having quality connections with a smaller group of people has supported me in providing more value to my target market so I can be of greater service.
Winner, winner, chicken dinner!
Stay in my own lane. Want to talk about something that hampers growth and makes you feel like shit as an entrepreneur, business owner or aspiring leader…it's called comparison. When we compare ourselves to someone else what we're really saying is, "I'm not good enough. My work isn't good enough."
Talk about a boldface lie and a major swerve out of your own lane!
In my case, while there are many amazing coaches out in the world that do something similar to what I do, they don't do it in the same way. Wanna know why?
They don't have my heart. They have their own heart.
Staying in my own lane has not only minimized the comparing, but it's also helped me to focus more on my own work and doing it in my own way. And doing that has sparked the production of some pretty cool stuff, stuff that I'm excited about. Who doesn't want to be excited by what they're putting out into the world?
BUT most importantly, staying in my own lane has helped (and continues to help) my business to grow.
The best way to gain exposure is to continue to put work out into the world that you love. Work that is you. Not work that you think others will want. (Are you noticing a theme here?)
As Ryan Holiday shares in his article "Your Work Is The Only Thing That Matters", "An artist’s job is to create masterpieces. Period."(By the way, this is awesome, thought-provoking article! Definitely worth the read!)
That is so true! Whether you're an entrepreneur, aspiring leader, dreamer, writer, coach, or artist…you're job is to work on your masterpiece. Period.
Clients are NOT dollar signs. It is all too easy to get caught up in the bottom line, especially when there are mouths to feed and bills to pay, or your job depends on the sales you make or the number of clients you bring in. It happens to the best of us. Trust me.
There was a time early on in my coaching career when I was desperate for cash. And since desperate is as desperate does, I was putting out a vibe that was just plain gross and repelling.
While knowing my financial landscape has always been important, when it became the focus, the energy shifted from loving what I do to making it about the cash flow. That's no bueno! Talk about a hit to the bottom line.
At the end of the day, my clients are people. People who do not deserve to be looked at as a dollar sign. NEVER EVER!
So now, during the slower months (because business always ebbs and flows), I focus on why I love what I do and how grateful I am to have the opportunity to work with some amazing people. Wanna talk about the best fertilizer ever!?!
When you're focusing on what you love and why you're doing it (your vision), you amp up your vibe and positive vibes are magnetic.
Patience is a valuable commodity. Not always the easiest, however. This is something I'm still working on myself. Especially when I'm excited about something that I've just launched.
But here's the deal (and back to the plant analogy) when you plant a seed, you don’t pull the seed out of the ground every day to see if it's sprouting roots. Because you know if you do, you'll prevent it from growing. Instead you water it and fertilize it.
So the key is to be patient. To share your work in a way that’s authentic to you, trusting that the seed you've planted will grow and turn into something totally amazing!
Ready to Outgrow Your Pot?
So there you have it, some of the most powerful fertilizer I've used and will continue to use as I get used to this new pot.
How about you? What helps you to grow your work in the world? What, if anything, is keeping you in a smaller pot?
Take some time to assess and survey the pot you're in, the fertilizer you use, and feel free to share your thoughts, questions, and comments.
Stinking Thinking = any thought that creates a negative emotion. In addition, the things we say to ourselves that are disparaging and self-deprecating.
I've been infected by Stinking Thinking tons of times. And I'd like to say that once dealt with, it never returns, but that would be a boldface lie. We're human, so negative thoughts happen. (PLEASE DO NOT STOP READING…because there's some good news up ahead.)
While we may never be rid of those negative thoughts completely, there are ways to deal with them so that the impact becomes non-existent.
The bottom line when it comes to stinking thinking…it's not the actual thought that is the problem; it's the impact it has.
Impact like the following…
Changing perception. For example, let's say you have a favorite outfit that you always feel good in. And one morning before you go to put on that favorite outfit you have a bout of Stinking Thinking. You put on the outfit and all the sudden it goes from favorite to the give-away pile.
It messes with energy. For me, this is a big one. I could be all smiles on the outside, but if Stinking Thinking is running on a loop in my head, my energy goes way down. So while people may see me smiling, the vibe they get is quite different. And as we all know, it's the vibe/energy we give off that either attracts or repels.
Weakens personal power. And when our personal power is being messed with, we are susceptible to those feelings of "not good enough", less than, etc.
Here's the good news...we can take back control of our thoughts from Stinking Thinking. We can lessen it's power and it's shelf life. There is an antidote. Actually there are several, but I'd like to offer you one of my little secret antidotes….
Yep, this is one of the antidotes I use when Stinking Thinking is infecting my brain.
The next time you find yourself infected with some Stinking Thinking, ask yourself this question…
"What do I choose to believe?" And if that doesn't grab you and you feel you need something a bit stronger try…
"I choose to think something different." OR
"I choose ______ (love, peace, my personal power, whatever word(s) feel empowering to you in the moment)_____ over this thought."
(Many thanks to Gabby Bernstein for this juicy tidbit, which works every time I use it!)
Give Choice a whirl, and do let me know how it works for you!
AND AS A HEAD'S UP: If you're in need of some more antidotes, I'm sharing quite a few as a part of September Rut Warrior Membership Program's podcast, exercises, and intuitive reading. I hope you'll join us because we'll be busting this rut BIG TIME.
Until next time, much love and light to you all…
This episode isn't about the bedtime stories or the fairy tales with the happy endings. This episode is all about the stories we tell ourselves that keep us stuck. Tune in as I share some ways to dig out from this storytelling rut.
Not wanting to trouble anyone.
Feeling like you have to do it all on your own.
Taking on the responsibility of other's wellbeing.
Does any of that sound familiar? Welcome to Wonder Woman Or Superman Syndrome and this week's episode of What The Rut!? Pam offers tips for getting out of this rut and getting your cape unstuck.
...As Opposed to the Other Way Around
Fear, while we will never be void of it, there are ways to deal with it. Ways that leave you feeling more powerful. Tune into today’s podcast because Pam shares some very simple yet powerful ways to kick fear’s @$$.
Have you ever compared yourself to someone else? You’re not alone! Check out this episode as I share my own personal experience with comparison and tips for digging out of this rut!
Do you ever find yourself worrying about what other people think?
How often have you allowed that worry to stop you from doing something that you might love?
It's natural. It's actually part of being a human being and our need for connection and belonging.
Here's the truth when it comes to what others think…
I truly believe that music is like a box of crayons because it adds color. It can be soft and mellow like the blue crayons or it can be loud and bold like the red ones. It has been my go to forever; to either help me get grounded or to amp me up.
I love, love, love music. As far back as I can remember I was the kid who'd spend time in her room, stereo blasting, jamming out to my favorite tunes. It was my space to recharge and to enjoy a little color.
So for this post I thought I’d share some of my most recent favorites. Ones that add bold color into my world... that inspire, lift me up, and motivate me. I hope they do the same for you.
Just the other day I was asked what some of my favorite quotes are. As a professed quote junkie I have a boat load of them. As a matter of fact, several years ago I compiled some of my favorites into a nifty little ebook. (Which you're welcome to check out here.) But since the publication of that ebook, I've definitely added tons more.
Welcome to a brand new year!! Wooooooooohoooooooo!!!!!!
I'm so ready for 2018. Not that 2017 didn't bring with it some cool highlights. It did…but I'm not going to lie, I'm ready to move on to the BIG that 2018 has in store.
To fill you in (because it feels like forever since we've connected)…
Prior to getting caught up in the buzz of holidays I shared the following with my newsletter subscribers and on social media.
'Tis the Season when numerous articles and blog posts hit the internet about how to reduce holiday stress. (NOTE: This is not a knock on all those articles. I do appreciate the authors' insights, tips and amazing intentions. I truly do.)
I just remember when I would stress out over the holidays, particularly after my divorce. If one more person told me to draw my boundaries, stick to my budget, eat as healthy as possible, get plenty of rest, I would've run screaming into the street while tearing my hair out at the roots.
Have you ever had an epiphany that rocked your world?
One that made one of the most profound impacts ever?
I had one just the other day as I was doing my morning pages.
Come to find out, what appeared on my journal pages was the essential piece needed to break up with "not good enough" once and for all.
I'd been on a quest for the longest time….a quest for a life void of fear, smallness, struggle, and feelings of "not good enough"(a.k.a shit). A quest that was driven by perception and fueled by comparison. In essence, I'd been on a quest for a happy life.
So I read the books. Listened to the TED talks. Attended webinars. I sought out various gurus who I perceived had the answers or the keys to true happiness.
I believed in those gurus who, with their stories, made me feel that what I was seeking was absolutely possible. To the outside world they seemed to have found that road to a happy life; one void of fear, smallness, struggle, and feelings of "not good enough" (or shit).
"Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, and to humble."
I’m going to ask you to do something for me. Something that may seem a little unorthodox, but I promise, there’s a method to my madness.
Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and say either out loud or to yourself, “Wow you look really good today!”
(And How To Make It Work For You)
Have you ever had a friend share some good logic with you? Logic that sounded great in theory, but when it came to implementing it, it fell flat?!
Say for example your friend is using an affirmation for increasing their income. It’s a really cool affirmation and you understand the logic behind using it….BUT…
Some THINGS to help you manage worry so you don’t get stuck in a worry rut
You know what surprises me?
The numerous articles written on how to completely get rid of worry.
Please don’t get me wrong…I appreciate those articles and the suggestions offered, but I’ve never been able to rid myself of worry regardless of what I’ve tried. What happens; instead of just worrying, I then begin wondering what’s wrong with me that the authors of the articles can be free of worry for good, but I can’t?
Maybe I missed out on the worry-be-gone gene? Who knows? What I do know is that worry has been my walking partner for as long as I can remember.
I’ve worried about...
…people not liking me
… what others think
…getting some sort of illness
…money, the making it and the saving it
…losing what’s important to me and
…I’ve even worried about other people’s problems.
While I’ve gotten better about not worrying so much (and about so many things), there’s always room for improvement. And so my desire for improvement has led me on expedition in search of ways to better deal with worry when it decides to come along for a walk.
The first thing I’ve learned during my expedition is that I will never be able to completely rid myself of worry. Worry is always going to be walking with me in some form or fashion and that’s OK. And here’s why…
Worry is similar to fear. While we can manage it and even deal with it, it serves a purpose.
At this point you may be asking, ”What purpose would worry ever serve?”
Purpose #1: Worry keeps us safe from things that will harm us.
Like the times I worry that I might burn myself when taking something from the oven. Thanks to worry I’m extra careful to pay extra close attention to where my arm is in relation to the sides of the oven.
Purpose # 2: And like fear, it also serves as an indicator of when something is important to us. Like when we worry about our businesses thriving or that our loved ones are safe and sound.
Worry only becomes a real problem when it takes up so much mental real estate that we get stuck and aren’t able to continue walking forward because of it.
Here’s an example of what I mean.
When I realized that I had intuitive skills, rather than use them to help others I worried. I worried that people would think I was weird. I worried that clients wouldn’t want to work with me any more. I worried, but not for a day or two. I worried for three years. YES…three frickin’ long years. That’s how long it took me to take steps to sharing my intuitive skills with the public.
And guess what?
All that worry was for nothing!
I didn’t lose clients but instead I gained clients because of my intuitive skills.
Had I used worry as an indicator that my intuitive skills were important to me (and they are!) I know I wouldn’t have allowed worry to stop me in my tracks for a single second, much less THREE YEARS.
NOW WORRY CAN STAY 20 STEPS BEHIND
I’m so over worry stopping me in my tracks and tripping me up. Here’s the deal…it can still come along for the walk but it doesn’t get to walk in front of me or beside me. It gets to stay 20 steps behind so I can’t hear it breathing.
And to keep it 20 steps behind I’m going to be using THINGS that I found during my expedition in addition to the things I already use. (See below under THE TRIED AND THE TRUE).
In an article by Matthew May he offered some steps for dealing with our inner critics. I’ve adopted two of those steps that work well when dealing with worry and I’m sticking them in my arsenal of things to use.
Step 1: Realize that I’m worrying and in a state of stuck because of the worry.
Step 2: Brainstorm the reasons why what I’m worrying about won’t happen.
Just for grins to see how this works, let’s pretend I’m still worried that my intuitive skills will turn people off.
Step 1: OK, I realize that I’m worried that people may not want to work with me if I add intuitive readings to the services I already provide. And because I’m worried, right now I’m not willing to chance it. (HELLO STUCK IN THE WORRY RUT!)
Step 2: Why what I’m worried about won’t happen (and ultimately didn’t)…
Intuitive readings provide my clients with additional insight to the issues they are facing so they can find ways to move through those issues.
Intuitive readings are an alternative resource to use for taking dreams from paper to reality.
They are a means to find out which decisions can be made for the best results.
They offer guidance around the best course of action when it comes to work, relationships, bringing in income, etc.
Who wouldn’t want some “secret sauce” when it comes to life and business?
WOW…wish I’d had this little exercise in my arsenal a few years ago!
THING #2 and #3
Both these THINGS come from an article called, 10 Tips to Manage Your Worry by Dr. Graham C.L. Davey
Problem-solve, don’t worry: So instead of worrying I’m going to ask myself the following question, “What are my options for keeping this worry from becoming a reality?” If I have trouble coming up with some options, I’ll enlist the help of someone I trust and do some brainstorming.
Change “What if…?” worries to “How can I…?” worries
I know that “What ifs” don’t usually happen and I know this at a logical level, but I need to know it in my “feelers”…at the heart level. This little exercise is going to be super helpful because it’s empowering. And any time we feel empowered, we’re getting it in the “feelers”.
So say the next time I launch a new service or e-course and I’m “What ifing” myself into stall mode (What if people won’t sign up? etc. ), I’m going to ask myself questions like…
How can I offer this program in a way that’s useful and compelling?
How can I share my services with the world? Etc.
Woooooohoooo…I’ll now have some options and choices. Options and choices are great ways to take my personal power back from worry and get me moving!
THE TRIED AND THE TRUE
Even though I’ve added some new THINGS to my arsenal, I’m not going to forget about these little gems.
Focused deep breathing. When I focus on inhaling and exhaling a few times, not only does it shift my focus, but it helps me to get centered and grounded. When I’m centered and grounded, I’m no longer worried.
Present moment. Worry is great at getting us to move from the present moment into some place in the future.
What I like to use to pull myself into the present moment is a little gratitude. I like to look around and find 5 things that I’m grateful for in that present moment. Not only does this pull me into the present moment, but it also shifts my energy. As we all know worry can cause some heavy-ass energy and gratitude is a great way to lighten the load.
My friends, if you have some THINGS that help you to manage worry, please feel free to share them. And if you’ve ever felt that there must be something wrong with you because you worry, I hope this post has been helpful. Just remember, you’re not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you!
As always, I’m here and I’m listening!
Until next time, I send you all much love and light from my open-heart to yours…
Three Easy Ways To Get Someone Out Of Your Personal Space
Imagine you’re having a great day until all of the sudden you’re sideswiped by energy that causes you to prickle and tense up. Enter, stage left the one person who can raise your hackles just by their presence alone.
Are you thinking of that someone now? I am and I can feel my body start to tense and my energy start to prickle.
We’ve probably all had (or currently have) someone in our lives who bugs the living shit out of us. Someone that can push our buttons and our patience until we’re ready to scream, “Get out of my face!” (a.k.a. “Bye Felicia”).
The reality …
There are always going to be people whose energy just rubs us the wrong way. The thing is, we don’t have to get stuck in that state of prickly and tense every time they come into our personal space.
What if we had some ways to remove that person from our personal space and in a way that doesn’t piss them off or hurt their feelings?
If it sounds too good to be true, it’s not.
THREE EASY WAYS
Here are three really easy ways to remove someone from our own personal space…or to remove us from theirs without conflict and confrontation.
Take the higher road. When someone pushes our buttons it’s all too tempting to react. It makes sense. It’s hard not to react when a button has been pushed, but here’s something helpful to remember… reacting only perpetuates the button pushing.
So when we feel our buttons being trounced on, that’s a great time to engage some deep breathing so that we can remain calm and cool as a response.
For example, your friend loves to play “the one up game”, where everything you do, she’s done and then some. While it’s probably tempting to give her a “what for” or continue to try topping her (which is perfectly natural) you take a few deep breaths, acknowledge her achievement and then switch the subject.
“Hey, that’s cool. By the way, did you see last night’s episode of “The Sinner”? OMG, what stomach twister.”
When I’ve done this in the past, it’s not only stopped the button pushing, but it’s given me a chance to regain my composure. It’s a real sanity saver.
The bathroom is calling. It may sound strange, but it works every time. Excusing ourselves to the bathroom (whether we have to go or not) is a great way to get some space, as well as removing that person from our personal space when they’re pushing our buttons. We get to keep our cool and without confrontation.
It’s also a great way to end a conversation that is either going in circles or is just plain negative.
Less is more. Less time, more space. Yep, we can limit the time we have to talk with that person by letting them know that we only have a certain amount of time to chat. For example, “I’ve got be going in about 5 minutes.”
The less time we spend, the less chance we have for our buttons to be pushed and our hackles to be raised.
So the next time someone pushes us to the point of wanting to scream “Get out of my face!” rather than feed into that energy let’s activate our own personal power and engage one of the three ways (if not all of them).
At the end of day it’s all about avoiding being stuck in the rut of tense and prickly and doing so in a way that is not only creative, but also constructive.
Until next time, I send you all love and light from my open heart to yours…
Ways to create more presence
Aside from a TV series, what is walking dead?
Being one of the walking dead is the equivalent to being “zombified” without the flesh rot and stench. When we are walking dead we are emotionally tuned out and mentally unplugged. Walking through each day on autopilot…just going through the motions.
I think we all become a part of the walking dead at various points in our life. It’s when we remain walking dead, that’s when we have an issue.
And here’s why.
When we are unplugged and tuned out…
It’s hard to take action on opportunities that are present because we often don’t see those opportunities. This leaves us susceptible to wondering why things are happening for others and not for us.
We carry shit around with us. Because we’ve disconnected from those critical feelings that let’s us know there’s shit to deal with. The more shit we carry the heavier it becomes…the heavier we become (physically and energetically).
We become disconnected from those around us.
We are perpetually stuck.
In essence, life is living us instead of the other way around. If you’re NOT cool with that, then please read on.
COMING BACK TO LIFE
There’s good news here…any time we tune out and unplug we can always tune back in and plug back in. Here are a few ways that help…
1. Steer clear of the negatives. Negative conversations. Negative news. Negative people. Negatives are an energy drain and when our energy is drained it is easier to tune out and unplug.
2. Go on a social media cleanse. If we find that our news feeds are filled with posts that weigh us down or make us want to hide under the covers, try unplugging from social media for a few days. And if we need an update from friends or that connection, rather than using social media, we can get creative. Coffee dates, phone calls, and even emails are a much more engaging way to create that connection without all the negative noise that can come with social media.
3. Infuse some fun. All work and no play doesn’t just make Jack/Jill dull, it makes them zombies. And honestly, who could blame them? I used to sit in the middle of my kitchen floor (as an adult) and play jacks. Now I love to play cards or Words With Friends. Anything that’s fun and that we enjoy doing will help us to get plugged back in to the Land of the Living.
4. Put our oxygen mask on first. That’s code for self-care! Even if we only have 10 minutes a day to work in some self-care activities, (i.e. sitting quietly, a power nap, etc.) let’s take it! Ten minutes of self-care recharges our energy and helps us to focus.
5. Hydrate. Dehydration can cause tiredness and fatigue. When we’re tired and fatigued we become more susceptible to unplugging and tuning out. So have some water. Not only will it do our bodies some good, but our minds as well.
6. Get grounded. And I’m not referring to the “going to bed without dinner” type of grounded. I mean literally to get grounded by taking off our shoes and standing in the grass or the dirt. There’s something about connecting with nature that helps us to tune back in. If standing barefoot in nature just isn’t your thing, you can try this little grounding exercise that I learned from Donna Eden. Grab a stainless steel spoon and rub the bottoms of your feet with the back of that spoon. It may sound weird, but it really works.
7. Journal. Journaling is a great way to regain consciousness after we have entered zombie mode. I actually start most of my days with some time in my journal. Even when I feel like there’s nothing to write, something always comes up. And what’s cool, I often leave my journaling sessions not only feeling more tuned-in to my world, but having gained some new awareness.
(Interested in journaling, but need some inspiration? Click here for some journal prompts that'll get the writing juices flowing.)
8. Check In. Pick a day and then set a timer to go off every hour or two and check in by asking these questions...
How tuned-in am I?
Am I present or am I some place in the future or the past?
Creating awareness around where we are mentally and emotionally/energetically gives us the choice to staying unplugged or plugging back in.
Whatever you choose, my friends it is my hope that you enjoy lots of present moment bliss so you avoid becoming one of the walking dead. Until next time, I’m sending you lots of love and light from my open heart to yours.
I’ve learned that the best way to create connection is to be transparent and vulnerable. I didn’t always think that. Vulnerability used to scare the crap out of me. Share my soft underbelly with others, are you kidding?!
Traversing down memory lane I think back to my first blog in 2005. Transparency was nowhere to be found. And vulnerability was hiding under the covers. What took their place in the blogosphere was fluff. Polly-Anna positive, sugarcoated fluff.
I don’t like fluff, so what made me think others would?!
I want to know what lies at the heart of someone, the fires they have walked through that make up who they are. I don’t connect with perfect. I connect with the real!
So in honor of keeping it real I thought it would be fun to answer some questions. (Thank you SocialTalent for some of these.) And I’d like to invite you to be transparent and vulnerable with me. The more the merrier.
What would your autobiography be called?
The Musings Of A “Woo-Woo”
I Don’t Need To Be Fixed Because I’m Not Broken
How would you describe to a child what you do for a living?
You know when your favorite toy goes missing and you feel really sad? That’s what happens to adults when we lose what’s important to us. I help those adults find the things that are most important to them so they no longer feel sad.
What is a pet peeve of yours?
When people don’t say “Thank you!” and not just to me, but to others. It drives me frickin’ nuts! It’s my version of nails down a chalkboard. Uh-oh…I feel a vent coming on…
It truly ticks me off when people don’t extend the common courtesy of a “thank you”. It doesn’t take much energy and it’s a nice way to show a little gratitude. I think expressing gratitude is a cool thing. It feels good to share it and to receive it. At the end of the day, the person that did that nice thing didn’t have to... they made a choice to do so, so why not acknowledge it with a “thank you”?!
What’s one of your most embarrassing moments?
It’s a toss up between my hot chocolate experience my freshman year of college and my little clothing malfunction during a visit to the UK. Since I can’t decide, I’ll share both.
I was having dinner with some new friends in the cafeteria across from my dorm. We were chatting away, getting to know one another, and at the very moment I took a sip of my hot chocolate one of the guys at our table said something really funny. No chance for me to swallow that hot chocolate before it came spewing out of my mouth, covering the table.
No sooner did I get it cleaned up when the same guy said something funny at the same time I was taking another sip. Once again, a spray of hot chocolate went from my mouth across the table.
As if it wasn’t bad enough that it happened once, and then twice, but it happened three times! Talk about first impressions!
Now for my second embarrassing moment…
During a trip to the UK, as we were coming out of a pub in South Wimbledon I noticed people staring. Did I have something on my face? Was there spinach between my teeth?
Oh, if only!! What they were staring at was the back of my skirt that had managed to get stuck in the back of my sweater…exposing my tights and underwear to all the patrons of the pub and the passers-by.
I think that gives new meaning to the term “brash American”.
If you could have dinner with a famous person, who would it be and why?
I would love to have dinner with Maya Angelou. I would love to sit and pick her brain and absorb her wisdom about life, self-respect, change, love…all the big topics. She was such an inspiration and she remains an inspiration through her writing.
I use one of her quotes as wallpaper on my computer so I see it every day…
“You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off of you.”
What’s your favorite quote?
I’m a self-professed quote junkie. While some people collect baseball cards, shot glasses or spoons from other countries, I collect quotes. So I have to say that this is probably one of the hardest questions for me to answer. I have many favorites. If I have to pick just one, my current favorite is this one by Timothy Leary…
If you were the CEO of a company name one thing you would make compulsory in the office and one thing you would ban in the office.
I think I would make “naptime” compulsory. Self-care is best friends with productivity because you can’t give from an empty tank. And I would ban negative, critical comments. I think people learn best from constructive, caring comments and not negative, critical ones.
You were just told you that you had 24 hours to eat whatever you wanted without any negative repercussions, what would you eat?
Pizza and buffalo chicken wings. I love a good pie with a side of wings. The “old” me would have said and a cold, frosty mug of beer, but since I don’t drink much any more, that doesn’t sound very appealing. BUT bring on the pizza and the wings and I’m one happy woman!
What is your favorite song and why?
I love music. It’s like crayons for my soul…providing color! Lots and lots of color….so it’s not uncommon for me to take a song and relate it to something that is happening in my life. My current favorite song, which is on repeat, is Rise By Katy Perry.
This is an empowering song and for me it holds a powerful message of not listening to the naysayers in the world, including the ones that are in our heads. The reason I love it so much, it serves as my reminder that I’m not here just to survive. I’m here to rise and to thrive! We all are!
Feel free to check out last week’s post, as I share just a bit more.
What would your pet say about you if they were asked for a character reference?
They would probably say something like…
“Our momma is a big old softy with a big heart! There’s no doubt about it. Not only does she love us unconditionally, hug us often, but she can’t resist our little head tilts and wagging tails when it comes to extra treats while she’s cooking. Oh, and she cries at sappy commercials. If it pulls at her heartstrings the waterworks will follow. “
Now over to you. Let’s get vulnerable and transparent together. I promise the water is fine. Who’s going to be first?
Until next time, I send you all much love and light from my open heart to yours…
A personal note to my own naysayers
“Is it noisy out there, and for some reason, people want to see you fail, but that’s not your problem. That is their problem.”
That quote is from a video that I recently watched. As I was watching it a feeling of, “You can’t hold me back. I’ll show you” determination hit me like a wave. Followed by two questions…
If the naysayers want us to fail and it’s their problem that they do, why do we listen? What causes us to give what they say an ounce of credibility?
MY OWN NAYSAYERS
I’ve had my share of naysayers, particularly the naysayers that reside in my head, which are probably the loudest of all.
I give them credibility when I don’t have faith in my own abilities.
I believe all that they say when I lack trust in myself.
I listen to their negativity and buy into it hook line and sinker when I’m afraid.
I conform to their critiques of me in order to fit in when I feel alone.
And while their naysaying may be their problem I make it mine any time I take it in and take it to heart. I make it my problem any time I allow it to hold me back or twist and contort me into someone I’m not.
I’ve listened until I can’t listen any more. I’m tired of listening and allowing their naysaying to become my problem so I’ve decided to share this little message with all my naysayers...
To anyone who has ever doubted me, thought I wasn’t capable, or criticized me for any reason... I want to say “Thank you!” Yes, you read that right; I want to thank you for your naysaying. It’s serving as my guidance system, letting me know that what I’ve done and what I’m doing is the right thing for me.
You can continue to nay all you want. That’s your problem, not mine. Just please note that I will no longer take your naying into consideration. It will no longer hold power or credibility. As Brene’ Brown best said, “If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”
I will continue to do what I feel is best and for the greater good. I will continue to live from a place of love, joy, light and compassion. And if you don’t like it, then I say this with all the love in my heart, please do yourself (and me) a favor, find somewhere else to “nay”…. because I’m done listening.
But before I sign off here’s something, my dear naysayers that you can listen to…it's my new anthem and declaration.
I will continue to rise so just watch me! Love, Pam
If you have a message for your naysayers please take this time and this space to share it. You deserve to be heard, especially by your naysayers.
At the end of the day, the best way to counteract the naysayers is to find what brings us joy and to live from that joy as often as possible. Care to join me?
Until next time, my friends…I’m sending you much love and light from my open-heart to yours…
About this blog
This is the place where I share my personal journey, insights, ideas, and a-ha moments helping me to mute my own inner critic. It is my hope you find what you need to mute your own.