OK, so maybe it’s a bit harsh to say that I’ve been a fraud, but I know I’ve certainly felt like one. I bought into the hype that if I said all the right things, did all the right things, fit myself into a perfect mold, life would be easier and my coaching and intuitive practice would sky rocket.
Since being anything but me “seemed” to be the way to go, I’d “act” as if I had all my ducks in a row. Faking it until I made it. Feeding the twisted perception that no one was going to want to work with a coach that didn’t have ALL her crap together.
It didn’t matter if I was having a bad day, if someone would ask me how I was, I’d smile and say, “I’m great! Thanks for asking.”
I even recall a time when I was coaching a client around improving her self-esteem while mine was literally in the crapper. I never told her that I felt worthless. Nor did I let her know that I would get off my coaching calls, make my son his dinner and take mine to my room, shutting myself in for the night. Nor did she know that when the loneliness and pain got to be too much, I’d pour myself a drink and call it a day. No one knew.
My ducks were not just falling out of line, they were hitchhiking out of town….but to the outside world all looked fantastic.
I thought I was doing all the right things by not sharing my messes with others. I really did until…
One day a client told me that me “being perfect” made her feel inadequate. OUCH! That’s something I’ve never wanted to do…EVER!!
You’d think that would have been enough to shake me out of The Stepford Wives’ spell I was under, right? It didn’t. While I became a bit more real with clients, I was still putting on the Polly Positive face in public, particularly when it came to social media. God forbid I post on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, etc. anything less than positive.
In hindsight, it was damned hard to keep up a positive appearance all day every day. And while I’m grateful to have a practice that survived my shenanigans of perfection, I realize I did my practice and ultimately my clients a HUGE disservice, not to mention myself.
Here’s the real deal…
My ducks fall out of line and the earth doesn’t stop rotating on its axis. Not to mention that friends, family, and clients don’t run away screaming.
Oh, and sharing more of the messy side of me is really liberating. While a good majority of what I put out into the world is still positive, I also share the not so positive as and when I need to. And you know what? I’ve created stronger connections with others in doing so.
Yep, I’ve gotten better at coming from that vulnerable place of letting others see the pretty and the not so pretty sides of me. And while I still have a ways to go, I’m committed in 2016 to share from my heart, to let my ducks fall out of line when they need to, and most importantly to be honest with how I feel. This is not only the year of Mission Thrive, but my year to be full on real. Who’s with me?
And on that note, from the bottom of my heart I want to thank you for allowing me to connect with you. I’m blessed to connect with so many amazing, real people who share their stories and their thoughts openly with me. Please keep them coming. You inspire me and remind me of how important it is to share the real me, not some made up version of me.
I hope you have an amazing Holiday Season and I will look forward to reconnecting with you in the New Year!
Much Love and Light…