The other day a friend asked me a question that made me pause and I mean REALLY pause. The question was, “Do you know who you are?” And she wasn’t asking if I knew myself at a surface level, she was asking if I knew myself at the heart and soul level.
Enter the pause and the internal dialog…
Do I know who I am?
Crap! How do I answer this?
Umm…yeah, I think I know who I am.
Instead of blurting out my innermost ramblings, I took a deep breath and considered her profound question. No one has ever asked me that question before so I was a bit unprepared.
Her question made me remember a time when I wanted to be anyone else, but me…
…a time when I was afraid that who I was, was not only not good enough, but was too different, far too different to fit in.
I am different and that’s part of who I am.
I’m what some consider “woo” or “airy-fairy” (two of the things I’ve been called) because I love doing intuitive readings and connecting with my own spiritual team to gain insight and answers. I am so grateful to be an intuitive and to be able to share that with others.
I’m a recovering co-dependent who has spent a good many years taking care of others, fixing problems, cleaning up messes, and providing the answers. I did that to ensure that I was never alone. In my own recovery, I’ve come to realize that it’s not my job to be the clean up crew for others. I’m only responsible for cleaning up my own messes.
I have the patience of a gnat. Seriously and I mean no disrespect to gnats. I just want everything yesterday. And even though I know that “patience is a virtue” I’m not always good at being virtuous. But here’s what I’ve come to understand…there’s a reason everything happens in its time. If everything I wanted happened at the same time, I wouldn’t have the space and the time to enjoy each thing to its greatest capacity.
I’m a self-help book junkie and I have about five plus books on the go right now. It’s not that I can’t finish them. I just read them in random order, a little bit at a time. I like it that way because it keeps me learning. Now some might ask, “Wouldn’t you learn just as much, if not more, if you read one book cover to cover?” I’m sure I would, but it’s so much more engaging and exciting for me to read a bit here and a bit there.
I’ve been accused of being a standoffish bitch, because I’m quiet in certain social settings. I’m really not standoffish, I’m an introvert, and so in large gatherings I like to listen and observe rather than talk a lot. What’s weird though, I love, love, love giving presentations and the larger the group the better.
I don’t always say what I think or feel in the moment. Sometimes I think it through and share it later. This can get me in trouble, but honestly, I prefer to respond vs. react. I know me pretty well and when I get angry I know that hurtful things can come out. The last thing I want to do is say something that hurts someone else especially since words are forever.
I believe in transparency, but there was a time when being transparent scared the living crap out me. My mother used to say, “Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve.”, because she didn’t want me to get hurt. What I’ve learned is this; transparency creates deeper connections so I’d rather chance getting hurt then miss out on an opportunity to connect.
I’m a crier. Yep, I cry at the smallest, most touching things. If it tugs at my heartstrings, the waterworks will most likely begin. I’ve been made fun of (in a playful way) for that, but that’s OK. It’s part of who I am and I wouldn’t change it.
Do I know who I am?
Yes, I do. I am a woman who at her core is different and is OK being different. I love all that makes me different and I’m not going to shy away from it or hide it in order to fit in. If anything, I’ll continue to leverage my being different to do my work in the world and live a life by my own design.
Now I turn to you my friends, do you know who you are at that deep heart and soul level? What makes you different and wonderful?
Here’s to you and all your cool differences. It is my hope that you not only embrace them, but that you share them with the world.
About this blog
This is the place where I share my personal journey, insights, ideas, and a-ha moments helping me to mute my own inner critic. It is my hope you find what you need to mute your own.