“We experience ourselves our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.” ― Albert Einstein
Einstein was on to something when he said, “we experience our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest”.
I have done it and I have witnessed clients, family, and friends do it.
How often have we all treated our limiting thoughts or feelings as a hairy, gargantuan being standing in the corner rubbing its hands together in wait?
How often have we given our power over to those thoughts or feelings?
How many times have our fearful thoughts or feelings deterred us from an opportunity, because they told us a story of “what if”?
The reality is, our thoughts and feelings are ours. They are not separate from us. They are not there to take us down, to ruin us, to make us feel less than unless…unless we let them. Unless we continue to view them as some freak of nature more powerful than we are.
Take fear for example. In the e-course The Insider’s Guide to Dealing With Fear I share the following;
… fear isn’t our enemy. The issue lies with how we react to it. It lies with our thoughts and feelings and how those thoughts magnify and personify fear as that huge, scary monster lurking around the corner just waiting to suck our brains out… Fear is an emotion that is formed in response to a belief or thought, that triggers a feeling, which causes us to act in certain ways.
When fearful thoughts creep in, our brains forget that everything is all right. Our brains forget that we have options and choices available to us to alleviate the fear.
Instead we give our power over to that fearful thought by allowing it to take over. I don’t know about you, but I can ruminate over a fearful thought until it stops me in my tracks and distracts me from whatever it is I’m doing or want to do.
I remember one time in particular (many, many years ago). I had just discovered that I could use my intuitive abilities to provide readings for others. I shared my discovery with my own coach who was over the moon excited. In her excitement she shared what a value-add this would be to all my clients and how I should offer readings as a service. Before I could even blink what came out of my mouth was, “Oh no! I couldn’t possibly. I will lose clients. People will think I’m weird. No. Can’t do it.”
It took three years from that conversation to actually put myself out there as an intuitive. Three years of not doing something that I love doing and that has helped many.
The reality, once I took back my power from my thoughts and fears and put myself out there, I had a great deal of support. I didn’t lose clients I gained them. People didn’t think of me as weird either.
The key is remembering that our brains don’t know the difference between fact and fiction. Our brains need us to tell it what is true and then our brains will provide us with the evidence we need to act or not.
The bottom line… we are so much stronger than our limiting thoughts, our feelings, and even our fears. We truly are.
WAYS TO INCREASE OUR STRENGTH & TAKE BACK OUR POWER
Take a pause. Unless we are in imminent danger, it’s cool to take a pause or a breath and weigh all the options available to us. What are our thoughts or feelings trying to tell us? What do we want to do and why?
“What’s the truth?” That little question has saved my backside. It’s also helped my brain and I to see what’s fact and what’s fiction.
Get the facts. Speaking of facts vs. fiction, when we can gather facts or evidence we reclaim our power and our strength from those deterring thoughts and feelings.
Talk it out. Thoughts and feelings stuffed only grow in strength. Talking about them not only helps to release and diminish them, but we gain an outside perspective. If talking about them doesn’t feel comfortable or is not an option, I find journaling to be a huge help.
It’s important for us to remember that while all our feelings and thoughts are valid, they don’t have power unless we give them the power. While they may feel like monsters in waiting, we truly are so much stronger!
I’m here and I care about what you think so please feel free to share.
Until next time my strong friends, I wish you much love and light...
I’ve always thought of resistance as that HUGE wall in the middle of my path blocking me from whatever’s on the other side. When it’s not being a major obstacle it’s masquerading itself as limiting beliefs screaming loudly, “Who do you think you are to do this? You don’t have what it takes.”
Or so I’ve thought.
I recognize now that I choose my perception of resistance. Just like I choose to allow it to stop me. Yes, I’ve made the choice to give resistance all my power. And because it’s always been my choice, I’m now choosing to see and deal with resistance differently.
I’m choosing to see it as my ally and not my nemesis.
As my ally, resistance is that “something” that comes forward whenever I’m about to start a project or endeavor that’s really important to me. It’s my cue that I’m taking things to the next level. And it’s also my reminder that I’m on to something good.
Seeing it this way puts the power back where it belongs, with me.
While we are never going to be devoid of resistance, we don’t have to be held hostage by it. We can leverage it and turn it into an ally.
1) Talking ourselves off the ledge. Like fear, resistance only gets stronger if we keep it in the dark. So lets share it out in the open. Write about it. Ask ourselves the following questions to shed light on it:
2) Take one step. In the wise words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
3) We always have choice. Choice gives us power so when resistance is present lets try asking ourselves, “What do I choose to do with this resistance?
4) Take some deep breaths. Since resistance hates breath-work lets take some deep breaths using the 4,4,& 4 technique; inhale to a four count, exhale to a four count, four times.
5) Know that the resistance is just our egos talking. Dr. Wayne Dyer used to refer to ego as an acronym for Edging God Out and the best way to get it to stop talking is to meditate or pray.
6) Get into the present moment. Resistance is a great indicator that we’re some place in the future probably fretting over the “what ifs”. To get into the present moment it helps to focus on our breathing or look around and express gratitude for the things we’re seeing in the moment.
7) Look for evidence. Past experiences serve as a great resource. It’s time to jog our memories, looking for evidence of when we felt the resistance, but did something any way.
8) Be mindful of our monkey mind-chatter so we can stop it in its tracks the minute we notice it. Instead of, “I could never do this.” lets try saying something like, ”While this may be a bit scary, I know I have what it takes to do this.” Remembering that our brains don’t know fact from fiction…they rely solely on us for that.
My friends, in closing I’d like to ask you a question... The next time resistance rears its head will you treat it as a nemesis or an ally? Remember, it’s totally up to you. ;)
Sending you much love and light until next time…
The title of this post is from one of my favorite songs by Alanis Morissette. I’ve had this song in my music collection for a very long time and I’ve played it hundreds of times, but just the other day the lyrics hit me like they’ve never hit me before.
I found myself not only listening with a greater intensity and focus, but I also found myself crying.
Yes, I cry easily, but this time I was crying in the middle of the gym, in the middle of my workout. What the hell?
That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good whether with or without you.
Here’s what the hell…
It’s not that I don’t know how sometimes unaccepting I can be of myself. Or how I can fall into the vicious cycle of feeling small and showing up small. Not to mention the many trips I’ve made to Comparison Land. I get it. Been there, done that. Have the t-shirt and the tiara.
I’m work in progress.
Here’s the thing, for the first time, as I was listening to the lyrics I got the message LOUD and FRICKING clear. I don’t have to keep applying pressure to be the very best version of me.
When I’m happy
When I’m sad
When I’m being a cranky bitch
When I’m excited
When I’m overwhelmed
When I’m feeling tired and maybe a little bit lazy
When I’m being creative
When I’m being loving to myself and to others
When I’m being negative and judgmental
When I’m having fun….
I am good.
Even at my messiest moments, I’m being the very best version of me when I’m being me.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I don’t always try to grow, learn from my mistakes, and let go of behaviors that don’t serve. I do, BUT here’s what I realized in listening to those lyrics more closely… know that I’m good as I am at all times.
So, my friends, here’s my challenge to you…
Stop the pressure and know that in every moment you are good, you always have been and you always will be.
With much love, light, and goodness...
Just recently I picked up the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This is a book that I've had in my collection for some time now, but funnily enough I've never read it cover-to-cover. If you aren't familiar with the book, it's based upon the following:
I love books that make me think and even re-think what I've either learned over the years or felt to be true. This book is doing just that. I'm thinkin' and I'm thinkin' hard, particularly about beliefs…how they are formed, where they come from, how they can be a filter or sometimes a place to hide, how they can build something up or tear something down. My mind has been a buzz.
What has impacted me most is how so very often we take on other people's beliefs and once we do they become our own, our agreement. This concept has provoked me to take an inward dive into my own beliefs.
Any belief that generates fear or feelings of unworthiness is false; it's a lie." Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
Like a squatter taking up resident, some of my beliefs have been lurking in the shadows…. trying desperately to go undetected. It's amazing how eye-opening it can be when you shine a light on something that has been with you for what seems like forever. You see it for it is or isn't.
I see some of my beliefs now for what they are, BIG, FAT BOLD FACED LIES that I agreed to. Falsehoods that don't serve. It's actually been quite liberating to take a good, hard look at all my own beliefs and I'm grateful to this book for being my flashlight.
So now with trusty flashlight in hand, if you're game, let's find your squatter beliefs and kick them to the curb. To do just that I want to lovingly challenge you to answer the following questions:
As always, I welcome your thoughts, questions, and insights.
Until next time, I'm sending you much love and light…
Great question! Why are we "should-ing" all over ourselves?
I should be thinner.
I should forgive and forget.
I should just get over it.
I should be grateful for the things I have.
I should be more productive.
I should eat less and exercise more.
I should be happier.
I should. I should. I should. BLECH!!!
Should-ing all over ourselves seems to be pandemic and it stinks!
There are many reasons we "should" all over ourselves, but here are my top eight ...
Sound familiar? What's your biggest should?
The What Happens When We STINK of "Shoulds"?
The stark reality is this, when we "should" all over ourselves...
So what can we do to avoid "should-ing" all over ourselves?
How To Flush the "Shoulds" Once and For All
Until next time, here's to stopping the "should-ing" and standing in our power of "I want/will". As always, much love and light to you all.
About this blog
This blog is all about walking the walk, and not just talking my talk. This is the place where I share my personal journey, insights, ideas, and a-ha moments...all things mindset related.