I had a mentor once say to me, “People don’t give a sh*t about the letters behind your name. People want to know what fires you have walked through that will help them walk through their own.”
And now that I’m turning 50 in the next few weeks, what she shared makes even more sense. Those fires I’ve experienced are my seasonings.
SPICES OF LIFE
I’ve picked out a few of my favorite seasonings to share and not in any particular order...
You’re never too old to find your passion and purpose. I had this notion in my head that by the time I was 21 I’d have my life planned out and my purpose under way. I carried that notion with me and held it as gospel. Suffice it to say, when I was 21 I didn’t have a clue and my purpose certainly wasn’t unfolding as I’d thought.
It wasn’t until I was 38 that I began to uncover my purpose. And while I know what my purpose is, it’s still unfolding in ways I never imagined.
I’m staying open to the possibilities so that it continues to unfold.
Always trust your instincts/intuitive side no matter what. Over the years my intuitive side has become very important to me. Not just in the work I do, but in navigating my way through life. There have been times when I didn't followed my intuition … I wound up at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and with the wrong people.
No more. There’s not a day that doesn’t go by when I don’t follow my intuitive hits and my gut instincts. Doing so has saved me a lot of headaches and troubles.
If you want to be a priority to someone else, you’ve got to treat yourself as one. This has been a big one for me. My past modus operandi was to be the option and make others the priority.
What I was saying to myself and to others was that I didn’t matter…my feelings and needs did not matter. And they do matter.
I first had to figure out what it meant to be a priority and then I had to act on it. I still have my slip ups, but I’m getting better at making myself a priority. In doing so, I'm much less resentful and I'm not completey reliant on others for meeting my needs. I'm meeting them.
You’re not responsible for another’s well-being. You can contribute to it, but you’re not responsible for it. This was another big one for me. For many reasons I took on the responsibility of making sure that everyone in my world was OK. While I had the best intentions in the world, I created dependence in all my relationships. And in turn, not only did I disempower myself, but I disempowered others. It was never my intention to infer that they couldn’t take care of themselves as well as I could take care of them…but that’s in essence what I was doing.
Co-dependency does not equate to love. Now as a recovering co-dependent I recognize just how liberating it is, (not to mention healthy) to let others be in control of their own well-being while I'm in control of my own.
You are still a good person even if you say “no”. As a matter of fact, I’ve found that saying “no” when I really need/want to is actually the kindest thing I can do for another. In my humble opinion, to say “yes” out of obligation instead of want is really a discount to the other person and the relationship.
There’s no such thing as rejection. Any time something has not worked out, in hindsight, it’s been a blessing. Something better has always come along instead.
Rejection = the Universe’s way of protecting me from something or someone that’s not a good fit so that something or someone who is a good fit has the space to come in.
Speaking of fitting…if you have to change yourself to fit with someone else, there’s a good chance that person isn’t a good fit for you. I’ve tried being someone I wasn’t in order to fit with others and all it did was left me feeling out of integrity.
The relationships that have been worth my time and energy are the ones where I’m free to be me. Without a doubt!
Fear is something to leverage and not something to run from. I heard this not too long ago, “Fear just means forgetting everything’s all right.” Fear is also my way of knowing that what I'm doing is important. (For example, the fear that no one will read this blog.)
SO instead of running from it or pushing it away I use it as my reminder that a) everything is OK and b) what I’m about to do/doing is really important to me.
Feelings don’t go away just because you stuff them. They stay inside and fester. Now instead of stuffing them, l honor them by not ignoring them. I feel them. I write about them and if I can, I talk them out.
You are so much stronger than your thoughts. Even if I don’t always feel stronger, I know that I am. I remind myself that my thoughts come from a 3-pound mass and I’m definitely stronger and bigger than that.
Liking your own company is key to having healthy relationships. I remember a time when I didn’t like my own company. That was also the same time that I engaged in unhealthy relationships. Learning to like my own company helped me to end the loneliness and in turn led to much healthier relationships. No more dependence on others to fill a void or keep me entertained.
Worrying does nothing, but change the color of my hair and make lines in my forehead. It doesn’t change an outcome or stop something from happening. I do that with my actions, not my worry.
So, there you have it, some key seasonings that have made up my last 50 years. I look forward to 50 more years and becoming even more seasoned.
With that said, I’d like to invite you to take stock of your own seasonings.
What have you learned that has helped you become the person you are right now?
What advice would you give someone younger than you?
Until next time, I send much love and light to you…